I was pretty excited when I saw that Iliza Shlesinger was on an episode of the You Made It Weird podcast (hosted by Pete Holmes) this week, and by pretty excited I mean I blankly stared at my computer screen and plainly said, “I am pretty excited,” after I accessed the excitement function in my program hardware. Iliza Shlesinger doesn’t come to mind when I think of my favorite comedians, but the few times I’ve heard her on podcasts I’ve thought she was very funny, especially in a conversational kind of way, and she’s kind of smoking hot, so I guess that’s also kind of cool too, right?
I very much enjoy when people I like are on Pete Holmes’s podcast because I feel like during it I’m getting to know certain parts of that person that wouldn’t be particularly showcased on some other podcasts. Particularly the show focuses on comedy, relationships and God, but it spans a lot more than that and isn’t afraid to explore tangents.
The episode was consistently funny, but a highlight was when Pete brought up writing an email to a girl he met and liked that worked for a certain big Hollywood celebrity – keep it on the down low, it was Matt Damon – but she didn’t write back, so Iliza read it out loud before analyzing where/if he went wrong in the email. It was hilarious to hear her read it clearly not thinking it was the best possible email he could have wrote to a girl he’s only met once, while Pete laughed out loud at her reading the jokes in his own email, clearly thinking it was the best thing ever.
The worst part of the podcast was hearing that Iliza Shlesinger has a tendency to have boyfriends with large penises. It’s not like I’d ever hook up with her anyway, but still it’s weird to hear about girls who like big penises seeing as I’m a guy with a penis that isn’t large. I mean it’s not the smallest penis in the world…despite what the Guinness Book of World Records would have you believe.
I don’t know if I have a favorite book of all time – excluding Go Dog Go – but as I was reading Winter’s Bone by Daniel Woodrell it was clear that there was a good chance it would go down as a contender for one of my favorite books. I didn’t love the ending, as in I didn’t rip out the pages staple them together and take them down to the local courthouse and marry them – if that’s even what love really is – but my lackluster feelings for it didn’t stop me from really liking the book.
From the start Winter’s Bone had it’s own feel. After a page or two I was in the world, which doesn’t happen easily for me. And the story moved quickly. The copy of the book I read was just under 200 pages, but even relatively short books can feel painfully slow sometimes, *cough cough* The Picture of Dorian Gray. Listen, I know it’s a beloved classic, and believe me hearing that Oscar Wilde was persecuted for his sexuality made me go into reading the book wanting to love it, but during that year when I tried to read 100 books but only got to like 77, The Picture of Dorian Gray was one of the only books that I hated the experience of reading. Maybe it’s because I’m dumb, but…actually that’s all I got. Maybe I’m dumb.
Winter’s Bone is about a 16 year old girl who’s druggie father goes missing and she’s left having to look after her two younger brothers and completely out of it mother, but to make things worse her father has a court date in a week, and if he doesn’t show up the family will lose their house. The girl then has to go through the town visiting various gun wielding drug dealers hoping they’ll have information about her father that will help her find him, dead…wait for it…keeping waiting…Or…more waiting…trust me tension helps everything….more waiting….Alive!!! Okay, that wasn’t worth it. Plus the dead part came first, so anything after that isn’t really a big deal.
The book is very good. Despite the ending I didn’t love, for at least a little while if people ask what books I love it will be one of the first that jumps to mind. It was also made into a movie staring – who would be my current celebrity crush if she wasn’t already 137 million other people’s crush right now – Jennifer Lawrence. Also, and don’t ask why, but they changed the name when they made it into a movie. The movie is called The Hunger Games.
That may have been a joke.
I didn’t say it was a good joke.