#4 I Am Both

#4 I Am A Transylvanian By Say Anything

I gotta be honest, when doing a list no one cares about or reads about my personal favorite songs, almost all of which by bands that rarely, if ever, get played on the radio and therefore aren’t super popular, there’s a lot of inherent pressure on every single song’s placement, but deciding what song to put at number four might have been the hardest decision of the list. For one the top three is important, because they’re a lot of top three lists, so number four doesn’t get to make it. There’s also a lot of top five lists, but number four is the least important spot because even though it’s higher on the list than five, five gets to start out the list, which places a certain amount of importance on it, and then you go to four and then once you get to three you get back to the top three importance, and then two is special because it was so close to being the best and one is special for obvious reasons, so any kids out there reading this you should just make sure not to be fourth, that being said this song should be very proud of being this high on the list and it’s a very amazing song that was very close to making the top three.

It’s the very last song from Say Anything on my list that included 18 songs from my favorite band – the next highest was Brand New with 10, nine of which have been counted down so far. Does it seem weird that my favorite band, kind of by far, doesn’t have a song in my top three favorite songs? I don’t really know. But almost one out of every five songs on the list was by Say Anything and one out of every four songs in the top 20 was by Say Anything, so even though they aren’t at the very tip top of the list they were very well represented.

“The path into this heart is littered with corpses, and strewn with body parts of stronger souls than you. So child, don’t go getting your hopes up.”

            I wouldn’t necessarily say the path to my heart is littered with corpses. For one that would imply a lot of people have been after my heart, which isn’t true. Not to sell myself short, there have been a few, but I’m much more apt for the corpse in this metaphor. I’ve been chasing down hearts, but not ones unwilling or unable to love, just ones that weren’t looking for me (in that moment). That’s part of the problem, and why I can relate to “So child, don’t go getting your hopes up.” I’m so stuck on my past experiences with those I once loved and those I still love but can’t be with that I’m unable, but not necessarily unwilling, – or so I try to convince myself – to open my heart up to anyone who would be willing to love a fool like me. It’s a horrible feeling when I know someone wants to be with me but I’m not able to open my heart to them, I’d say it breaks my heart but the whole reason the problem arises is because I don’t let my heart get in the matter, not that I really have a choice.

I guess that’s not entirely true. My does heart gets involved because I don’t have a choice. It does whatever the fuck it wants, and apparently it gets some pleasure out of being hurt. I’ve been known to fall for girls. I believe falling fast and hard is what the kids say, and that holds true for me, sometimes not always that hard, usually harder than faster. But after I fall I always, always, always think of the past, and I compare and contrast with the present, and this is a very unhealthy way to try and find happiness. The past almost always wins, because what’s better than regret? On the rare occasions that the present has won is only in my preparation to play the corpse.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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