The Worst Video Game List Ever (that’s a promise)

Top Ten Video Games From My Childhood

If you want to see a youtube video of the game I attached links to all the game names so you can just click on them and the video will pop up in a new tab.

Honorable Mentions: Sonic The Hedgehog 2 – playing tails was so fun even though the things I could do were limited. Double Dragon – Do kids still want to learn karate as much as I feel they did when I was a kid? Sim City – I would always use the cheat to give me maximum money, without it things just weren’t as fun. Mario Paint – surprisingly fun, not sure why surprisingly because all Mario games are fun.  Sesame Street ABC/123 – just for kicks…(kids?) no, kicks was what I meant. Street Fighter 2 – my friends loved it a lot more than I did.

10) The Lion King – When my mother bought me my Sega Genesis for probably my birthday way back when I was a young lad The Lion King had recently come out and was my favorite movie – I still have the poster for the movie hanging on my door – so when having the option of buying a Sega Genesis/game combo with either The Lion King or Sonic The Hedgehog it was an easy choice for me. The game was surprisingly difficult for me. I don’t think I ever beat it. There was a lot of jumping in the game, which I think is common among older games. Luckily the jumping incorporated swinging from vines, and hanging on trees (exciting, right?) and jumping on bugs.

9) Bulls V.S. Blazers – I’m in Portland and therefore a huge Portland Trail Blazers fan, so this game had that appeal to me. The obvious choice when picking a memorable basketball game from the past would be NBA Jam, and while I had a lot of fun with that game this game laid the foundation for my love of realism in sports games. I didn’t want my players jumping from half court fifty feet in the air doing more spins than Michelle Kwan and then setting the basketball net on fire. Even though this is a terrible example of real basketball because the players were so stiff and if you didn’t press the button just right instead of dunking from two feet away from the basket the player would take an awkward jump shot which usually made the basketball hoop bend before the ball would inevitably fall to the floor as the player would jump for the rebound but completely miss the ball, making everything look incredibly stupid.

8 ) Super Mario 3 – For some reason I have nothing to say about this game. I had a tremendous amount of fun playing it as a child though.

7) Spiderman and Venom: Separation anxiety – This is the game that inspired this list. I was writing about superheroes the other day and was thinking about why I liked Venom so much more than Spiderman and I think this game was the reason why. Every time I played I would always be Venom.

6) Chip ‘N Dale Rescue Rangers – I really enjoyed the TV show – especially the episode where the alien crashed in their house, disguised his spaceship as a nut, sent Dale, or possibly Chip, the one without the hat, to his spaceship and then took on the form of Dale and pretended to live on earth as a jerk Dale while Dale did something with the aliens that I forget – but I think I enjoyed the game a lot more. It’s not that exciting of a game. Pretty basic, jumping, throwing stuff, dodging stuff, but as a kid that was very fun.

5) Super Mario World – I could play this game today and be just as entertained as almost any game on Playstation 3 or Xbox 360 or Wii…that may be an exaggeration. But I could play this game today and be very entertained. Mario games are probably consistently the best, yet I have very little to ever say about them. They’re just really good games, I can’t even describe the greatness.

4) Donkey Kong Country – I was one of the many who preferred to play with Diddy. And of course by that I mean back in the day me and Puff Daddy, before he went Diddy on our collective asses, would play together taking turns. He would always be Donkey Kong. I really enjoyed this game, and it has nothing to do with my love of bananas, because I don’t love bananas, but the more I think about it the more I think I should love bananas because I love eating sliced bananas in a bowl of milk wish a little sugar or a peanut butter and banana sandwich, but I don’t often eat a banana just by itself, kind of like raisins but not the same because raisins are disgusting by their self, yet mix them with something else and they make that thing twice as good, and that’s why this was such a great game.

3) Kings Of The Beach – Probably no one reading this knows this game. It was a beach volleyball game for the original Nintendo. I love playing beach volleyball, although I’ve only done it on a few occasions, but it’s amazingly fun to me, and I think part of the reason was because I loved playing this game with my cousin as a child. It was very basic. Each person controls one of the two players and you’d keep hitting the ball back and fourth over the net until someone made a great shot or (more commonly) you were off by half a centimeter and the player made all the right motions but for some reason wouldn’t hit the ball. Unlike all the other games on this list except Bulls V.S Blazers this game wouldn’t be fun to play today even for a minute – sports games apparently don’t hold up that well, unless they’re racing game, which brings me to the next game on the list…

2) Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island – Okay, this isn’t a racing game at all, unless like me in your head you imagined all the Yoshi’s were trying to get Baby Mario back home before they had to change his diaper, because if it came to that all the Yoshi’s would refuse to do it and have a fight to the death, but here’s the twist, in the fight they’d want to die because the survivor – by the way the show Survivor is coming on in 45 minutes so let’s hope I can get this finished and posted by then because I want to watch it – has to change the diaper, and for some reason death is more appealing than that, but not because they hate poop, but because they don’t want that awkward feeling of seeing Baby Mario’s baby penis. I kind of forgot how much I loved this game until I watched some gameplay on youtube and my memories came back. I played this game a lot, and I really enjoyed it – except when Yoshi would get hit and Baby Mario would float off in a bubble and make the most annoying crying sound until Yoshi saved him. Whenever Yoshi would aim to shoot an egg he’d lift his leg up almost like he was about to pee on something.

1) Final Fantasy 3/6 – I put 3/6 because in the states it was originally known as three, so that’s what I knew it by, but in the order of Final Fantasy games it’s really 6. This was the first RPG game I really liked, or probably liked at all. The story was amazing to my young mind. It’s still a really good story, with flashes of emotional plot that could have been expanded to become something really special, but it’s not as amazing as I thought it was when I was younger. Still good, and still good even compared with storylines from game plots today, just not as in depth. The Locke, Terra, Celes love triangle was perfect for my young, love longing, heart, even though it never had a proper ending, although I like to imagine Locke and Celes got married  but then she turned into an evil succubus and right when she was about to bite off Locke’s head after they made love the half Esper Terra – oops, spoiler alert – busts in and kills evil Celes, and then Terra and Locke get married and have little quarter Esper babies, but here’s the twist, Celes isn’t really dead, instead just her love for men is, so she hooks up with Relm who is no longer a young girl, but now a young adult hottie. How old are young adults?

I still consider this game in my top five favorite games, not just of all time, but games I would consider most fun to play today, even with its bad graphics I enjoyed playing this a couple years ago more than I enjoyed playing Halo 2, which is a game I enjoyed a lot. If you ever get the chance to play this game take it. Hopefully they’ll remake it one day with better graphics and expand on some of the story plots but not change anything big because the game is already wonderful.

About Danniel
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2 Responses to The Worst Video Game List Ever (that’s a promise)

  1. cnycomedy says:

    One day, my friends and I thought that it would be fun to get drunk, and to play some classic sega games. Of the games we attempted, Lion King was one of them. Not one of us could even get past the first level.

    • Danniel says:

      It was a surprisingly difficult game considering it was based on a kids movie. I imagine it would have been even harder drunk. Unfortunately I never got to experience that as a ten year old.

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