#6 Play Crack The Sky by Brand New
For the song LetsBSdTghtr by Mansions which took the number eight spot on my list I only accompanied the song with a sentence. For this song I wasn’t going to write anything at all. The idea behind that being that anything I could ever say would only take away from the experience of listening to this beautiful song. Plus the fact that I haven’t posted a blog in about a week short of a month makes the thought of my first post back being wordless distasteful, or something like that. So here I am writing. Something I have done the past few weeks, but something I haven’t been doing successfully.
When my cat died I listened to this song over and over again before finally drying my eyes hours later and having some laughs watching Conan O’Brien – the importance of comedy is not lost on me, and without it I would be a complete depressive wreck, rather than the only somewhat depressive wreck I am now. I wasn’t that young when my cat died, but I was really close to it growing up. I was an immature 17 year old – and I’m sure seven years from now I’ll look back and realize I was an immature 24 year old, although I look at myself and realize I’m an immature 24 year old, so I guess I’m just immature – so crying as much as I did and relating this song to my pet dying was expected. That’s not to say that crying when a pet dies is immature, but I really was crying a lot.
I hate pets a lot. I can’t take care of myself so it’d be pretty irresponsible for me to try and take care of an animal. However, I’m pretty convinced that most of the adults who love and want pets are less about taking care of the animals and more about the animals taking care of them. Dog lovers always like to throw in the face of cat lovers that dogs are more loyal and give a companion more attention and whenever a person has a good cat they often say the cat acts like a dog. But to me that’s the exact reason I’d never ever want a dog. I don’t want to have to walk it every day, or have it give me weird looks while I’m masturbating, or in my loneliness think, “Why can’t women be more like my dog?” I like the bond people sometimes have with animals, it’s just not the bond I’m looking for in life.
Despite my hatred of having pets I have been very close with pets. I have two cats right now – they roam around the house with the rest of the family but their food is in my room and they sleep in here often – and even though they often piss me the fuck off and annoy me to no end by shitting and peeing on my stuff and chewing through my headphones, and waking me up after I’ve finally warded off bad thoughts and fallen asleep, and scratch at me and jump around when they want food even though they just ate a little while ago and one of my cats is fucking obese and my mother still has the God damn gull to always ask me if I’m feeding him enough because he’s always begging for food, he’s fucking 25 God damn pounds, do you really fucking think I’ve been starving him? Well I have, instead of letting him eat whenever he begs for food, which is all the fucking time, I only give him a few meals a day, because even though it’s sad to see him be hungry and begging for food, and more importantly annoying as fuck, I surprisingly actually do care about him, because even though giving him food whenever he wants would make him happiest he’s fucking obese and needs to lose weight or he’s going to die from diabetes or a heart attack or being mistaken for a pig and being barbecued and feasted upon by an entire Samoan tribe…(wasn’t there a but coming at some point?) But even though my cats often annoy me there are times when I’m sad or angry and I see them being all cute with each other and it puts a smile on my face and makes me happy, so I understand why people like pets.
As I get older I like pets less and less because they just get in my way and annoy me. With my dead cat who I cried over I never really got to the point where he was annoying me. I loved him to death…literally. I accidentally crushed him with a giant chocolate heart on Valentines Day (if that were true would it be more sad killing the cat or giving the cat a giant chocolate heart on Valentines Day?) He used to wash my hair with his tongue, and for me this would serve in place of a shower. And I’d put a sock over my hand and play with him as he scratched at me and bit me. And we’d catch mice together –this house used to have a surprising number of mice and I used to enjoy catching them with my bare hands. And he’d drag a dead squirrel under my bed that he apparently tried to remove a liver from, and even that didn’t annoy me, because I was young and not dealing with so much bullshit that admittedly is self inflicted.
I don’t know why I’m so cynical when it comes to pets. Is it because I know they don’t really love people, but rather just love being fed and having a warm bed? – and for the people who think animals really do love people, there are plenty of rapists and murderers and racists and horrible people who have pets that “love” them, so if pets really do love people some of these pets should probably discriminate more. Maybe it’s because I had that one great child pet and I no longer need a companion in that way? Or maybe it hurt so bad losing my pet that I don’t want to go through that again? Although now I’m going to because even though theses baby kitties annoy me so much I have a close bond with them, that some might argue is closer than I had with my former pet because we found these baby kitties when they were babies the size of my palm wondering around covered in mud in our backyard, and they were immediately placed in my room, which is the only accepting room in the house away from the bigger cats, so I ended up having to feed them the majority of the time, which involved waking up in the middle of my sleep and mixing their milk mix and warming it up and bottle feeding them, and then softly wiping their asses with a moist tissue because apparently kittens need help pooping, and now I feel like a mother to these baby kitties, and I still call them baby kitties even though I’ve had them for more than two years.
So I don’t know.