I stupidly called Her. Not stupidly because I want to get back to being really close with Her even though she’s still a thousand miles away and things have continually failed to work in the past, but stupidly because I’m tired and was about to go to sleep at a reasonable hour – ten thirty in the pm – but now she picked up, which I honestly didn’t expect – I never expect girls to pick up the phone when I call, there’s a very low percentage of me calling girls and them picking up, I swear on whatever I consider holy that it’s under 10% – but instead of us talking, which I thought if she picked up we might do for ten or fifteen minutes and then I’d fall asleep afterward, she was in the middle of watching a movie – Original Sin which is one of the few movies I know she loves – and said she’d call me back when it’s over. Her finishing a movie she’s seen plenty of times before is apparently more important than talking to a former love. If she had called while I was in the middle of The Princess Bride – one of my favorite movies – I would have said fuck The Princess Bride – which is a fantasy of mine, unless Sean Penn is reading this – and talked to Her. Hell, if any girl ever calls I’ll give up watching movies for the rest of my life just to have five minutes of talking to an actual female that isn’t charging my credit card $5.99 a minute.
I don’t actually call those numbers, but as a kid I was very curious about them. I really wanted to know the interesting conversations those sexy girls were having that cost so much. For that amount of money I should be getting the cure for cancer or a blow job. Hopefully the latter. It’s a common joke, or at least portrayed as a common joke, that the people who use those numbers aren’t actually doing it for sexual reasons, but instead just to feel female accompaniment. I guess I can kind of see that because if you’re paying that much money at some point, about the nine and a half minute mark, it becomes cheaper to just go out and find a hooker if all you want is to get off. But also guys are really perverted and looking to get off anyway they can. Luckily my cheapness trumps my horniness, so I don’t think I can ever get into calling those numbers, or hookers, or porn websites. Plus I honestly believe that if I called a sex hotline I’d want to talk about everything but sex. I wish there was a strip club where I could have conversations with the strippers, and throw a buck at them every time they say something interesting. But it has to be with strippers. I don’t really want them to be naked, but I would appreciate if they got down to their undergarments, just so I can be sure that they had some kind of fucked up past. That’s not fair to say. Not all strippers had bad pasts. Some just have really bad nows.
I decided to write while I wait for the call, but also I want to watch Scrubs, which I own the first seven seasons of – I wish I owned season eight because I recall enjoying it more than I enjoyed season seven, but right now my funds are a bit low due to late night phone sex conversations, I kid of course. I haven’t watched Scrubs in a while. It used to be one of my favorite shows, and there are still episodes of it that I love, but I don’t like it as much as I used to for whatever reason. Even though I hate the Janitor – not that I think he’s a bad character, I just think he’s an asshole, but obviously enjoyable to watch – I really like the episode in season five where…I don’t really know how to describe it because I’m a horrible writer. Also I really like the episode I’m about to watch, where J.D’s brother – a character I actually hate watching – visits and finds that J.D. has become cynical like his mentor Dr. Cox and J.D. thinks his brother will never come through for him but his brother corners Dr. Cox and tells him he has a responsibility to not let J.D. go down the cynical path, and Dr. Cox abides and starts to get J.D. to be more positive and J.D. never finds out that it was his brother who caused that so he still thinks his brother is a loser, which he is, but at least he did some good. I don’t have a brotherly connection with anyone, especially my brothers, but what I really like is that the brother does this good thing and never gets credit for it. I love when I do good things and don’t get credit for it. It’s not something I’m proud to admit.