After taking a week off of their college radio show because Beb had to go be in a wedding (not her own) in Arizona, Chris and Beb return with the cliff hanger reveal to why they didn’t record a show last week – I won’t spoil that for you – and discuss many other entertaining news stories that I can’t remember, like a lady getting trapped in a corn maze and calling 911, or yogurt specially flavored with semen, or real life Superheros who specialize in using mace and beating up drunk or dancing people – just in time for the remake of Footloose – so if you’d like to listen to the lovely Chris and dovely Beb just click on the link I provided somewhere within this paragraph, it’s very possible the link is the entire paragraph.
The first, and possibly only, thing I want to discuss is this real life superhero. He lives in Seattle and goes by the name Phoenix Jones, which I find weird because to me that’s like Wolverine being called Wolverine Rosenberg, not that Wolverine is Jewish, just Rosenberg is a funnier name for him to have than Johnson or something. The point is that why does the superhero need a last name? Batman is just Batman, Hulk is just The Hulk. Did Phoenix Jones really want to use the name Phoenix but it was already taken by the X-man character Phoenix so he just thought, “I’ll just add the name Jones to avoid any lawsuits,”?
I like that this regular person decided to make a suit and kick seemingly bad people’s asses all across the city. I’ve always been wondering why more people haven’t been doing this. I like to think they have they just end up getting killed or beat up really badly and then quit before they ever really get noticed (really, that’s something you liked to think about?) well not from a happy standpoint, just from a comedy standpoint. Also the most likely people do that would be nerds who read a lot of comics, and nerds probably wouldn’t make the best superheros unless they actually somehow got super powers, and even then if they had super powers they’d probably be less motivated to fight crime and more motivated to use their invisibility to sneak into the girl’s locker room.
Phoenix Jones doesn’t have any super powers, which is good because if he did he’d most likely either become evil, because I’m of the opinion that people are horrible, or that he’d have to have a foil, or rather he’d be the foil to this other super powered evil person, which sucks because I have enough problems in my life to have to worry about some guy blocking out the sun or freezing the entire city, or destroying every copy of Breaking Bad season 4 before I got to see it. That’d be way too much to worry about when I’m already like, “Why isn’t she calling me? I’m not fitted for any job. Driving is so worrisome but if I don’t get a license I’ll never get laid.” Meanwhile in Africa a little kid says, “I just want some water. Doesn’t even have to be clean water. And what’s this toilet thing? One of our villagers came back speaking a legend of this porcelain bowl filled with clean water that people pee and poop into. Obviously he went insane. No one would ever pee and poop into clean water while millions of people die every year of dehydration. Right? Right? Why aren’t you answering me?”