Obviously I must talk about this because I am almost completely obsessed with Riki Lindhome, despite her being so God damn tall, at least compared to me. However, whenever I listen to Riki Lindhome now I live in fear that I won’t enjoy her as much as I usually do…and then I’ll have to end our fictional relationship thus breaking her heart? I’m not entirely sure why I would hate not liking her as much as I do now. You’d think it’d be more healthy to not have big celebrity crushes. I used to record whenever my celebrity crushes went on talk shows because I never got to know their real personalities, and even though them being on a talk show for 6 and a half minutes doesn’t showcase their real personalities it was still more than I normally got of them. Sometimes I’d be disappointed, and other times, like with Emily Vancamp on David Letterman, I found the girl completely adorable, which sucks because it means I would like them more, and then be more sad because I’d never have the opportunity to date them, or at least sex them up – actually with most of crushes I don’t really care that much about sexing them up, I mean it’d be nice, but other things are more ideal.
I don’t know what the point of that previous paragraph was, but its there, and I’m not moving it, so read it, skip it, or wonder why I’m telling you what to do after you’ve already confronted the paragraph. At one point in the podcast Riki Lindhome mentions that she doesn’t want to date a celebrity because she wants to be the best girl the guy she dates can get, and if he was a celebrity he’d be able to get better girls. Which is complete bullshit. I obviously don’t know most of the girls in the world – only about 80% of them – and obviously different traits in girls appeals more to different guys, but I can say with complete confidence that there are almost no girls on the planet that would be better for a guy than Riki Lindhome, and that’s not a opinion, that’s pretty much factual.
It was a very enjoyable episode of the podcast. Adam seemed to be on his A game, even while sort of putting down Riki Lindhome, but Riki was a great sport and as always had a good attitude and sense of humor. They talk about Million Dollar Baby, go cart orgasms, Riki’s dating life (wait, go cart orgasms was already mentioned), and then take a slew – that word makes me hungry for some reason – of relationship calls, and listened and commented on the video I Don’t Understand Job by Riki’s band with Kate Micucci, Garfunkel and Oates.
This actually isn’t the best Todd Glass Podcast episode, so if you’ve never listened to it you should probably start with a different episode, most likely the first episode. The show is a comedy podcast, so if you like comedy you’ll like it. Every once in a while they talk about things seriously, but it doesn’t last for more than a few minutes at a time before someone starts joking and it goes into a bit.
The reason I picked this episode is because they were talking about when a person is supposed to call someone back and it eventually led to Todd Glass saying, “I’m at least worth a text,” which hit me really hard because for the past few years I’ve always felt like people haven’t been calling me back or texting me, especially when they said they would, or have led me to believe that I’m at least a somewhat important person in their life. I don’t have a ton of self worth, but I feel like I’m at least worth a text. If I call someone and they don’t pick and I leave a message, or I text them, I’m at least worth a text back, even if it just says, “I’m busy right now, can’t talk, sorry.”
Professor Blastoff, starring comedians Tig Notaro, David Huntsberger and Kyle Dunnigan, is a comedy podcast on the EarWolf network that combines comedy with philosophical, scientific and otherworldly topics. This has become one of my favorite podcasts because it talks about serious and interesting things, but has a lot of comedy to it.
This episode starts off with the hosts each telling three stories with three very different levels of honor to them. Not to spoil too much, but you probably won’t listen anyway – you’re probably not reading this anyway – Tig tells a tale of little five year old tiny Tig starting a fire on accident and then warning the town later to be revered as the little girl who stopped the town from catching on fire. Kyle tells the story of the time he went camping with a former girlfriend – you’ll see why it’s a former girlfriend shortly – and then got afraid of bears so he left her alone in the tent to go sleep in the car. Lastly David tells of the time this really hot girl got drunk at a bar and wanted him to take her home and give her the fucking of a lifetime – those weren’t exactly her or his words – but he decided not to because she was too drunk.
That last story was my favorite because I’ve always felt weird about sleeping with drunk girls. Not that I feel bad about it, I just mean they’re drunk so they aren’t on their A game so I wonder how much better it’d be if they were sober. Those of you who know me, and therefore know I’m a virgin, realize that’s a joke. But I have always felt weird about the idea of sleeping with drunk girls. I don’t want to do it because I don’t want girls ever regretting things involving me. So really it’s less of me being a good guy and more of me not wanting to be hated. Or something like that – Whew, I’m proud of myself, I avoided adding in the joke of sleeping with drunk girls tearing at my morality because on one hand I don’t want to, but on the other hand only a drunk girl would ever consider sleeping with me.
In the story David later goes on to say that every guy in the bar looked at him weird because he didn’t sleep with her and they thought he should have. And even when telling the story to some of his more honorable friends they said he should have slept with her. And in one of the loudest moments I ever laughed at a podcast one of his friends said that he was doing her a disservice because she was in her early 20s and that’s when girls are supposed to make bad decisions and get drunk and sleep with guys so they can learn from their mistakes.
I’m not really sure I agree with that, although it has some truth to it. In the previous episode to this David was talking about how young girls always go for the douchey guys and screw over the sweet guys, which I can relate to – not that I’m calling myself sweet, I’m just way less douchey than most guys – and by the time the girls learn their lesson and want the sweet guys the sweet guys are jaded, and that’s kind of how I’m feeling now. So David Huntsberger has really been hitting home with me lately, and whereas he used to be my least favorite guy on the show – not that I hated him or anything – because we disagreed on a lot of silly meaningless things, like ghosts, I now relate to him a lot more.
Anyway, listen to this and the other podcasts if you’re ever board. Also you can listen to my friend and mine’s podcast, the Closer To Clarity podcast, in which we ironically rarely get any closer to clarity, but its fun trying.