#88…wait, what? Oh, I mean #12

#12 Trace Those Steps by Promise Of Redemption

This is a weird song, because when I think about it I wonder if it even deserves a spot on the list at all, but when I listen to it, which I just did – I always listen to the songs, sometimes multiple times, right before I write about them…by the way the first time I wrote that I wrote right in place of write and write in place of right, this angers me – I can’t help but wonder if this song should have made it in the top fifty, which in all honesty is still possible. Well only theoretically, and only from the point of me writing this right now, by the time you read this you’ll know where the song is placed, but as I’m writing this it’s currently at 88, but I might postpone it’s placement and write something up for another song and let this song make its way up the list a little more, but to be truthful I can’t see it anywhere but a place that begins with an 8, excluding the single digit 8.

Because I currently love so many songs by Promise of Redemption, which is the side/solo project of Shane Henderson the lead singer of the band Valencia which doesn’t have a song on this list and I don’t really like that much aside from a couple songs, I have decided to write some lyrics from a few of my most favorite Promise of Redemption songs and then write a little about it. I’ll link them so you can click on them and listen to the songs on youtube if you’d like, which I suggest. Also all of the songs are from the album When The Flowers Bloom, which I strongly prefer to the first album Lights That Flicker Will Surely Fade.

            “But if you listen to the sound of my heart beat you know you can truly tell. The feeling that you get when our eyes meet, it’s something more than you’ve ever felt.”

            Those are my favorite lyrics from the song Oh The Way. I like the use of the senses. Sound of the heart beat, sight of eyes meeting, and then the indescribable feeling one has when knowing their in love with a person and feeling something spectacular (you are aware you first said indescribable feeling and then went on to describe it as spectacular, right?) My explanation for that is that I have no idea how to actually describe spectacular, so to me they’re one in the same. There’s something magical about eyes, as opposed to heart beats that are pure science and do nothing but keep us alive. Sometimes I look at my eyes in the mirror really close for minutes at a time. It’s actually kind of creepy, but they’re just so damn beautiful. Well not really my eyes, but eyes in general. I’m not a spiritual man in any way, except for my devout Catholicism (that’s a joke), but I wouldn’t be completely 100% opposed to the idea that the actual occurrence of true love between two beings occurs through a process that happens when the two beings are staring in each others eyes. I’m going to write a novella based on that premise. On second thought I’m going to say I’m going to write a novella but completely forget about it two days from now.

            “It just doesn’t make sense that life is so precious, and all this time I’ve been wondering why is this supposed to be my reality. It’s not fair to her, it’s not fair to me.”

            Sunsets and Pictures: I often try to grasp the idea that this life I’m living is my reality and I’m stuck with it and for whatever reason all the ‘choices’ in my life have led me here. Apparently my ‘choices’ have been really shitty. Life of course isn’t fair. I think it’s more than fair to me. If I were a starving kid in Senegal I would have to assume that’d be more than I deserved, so what I have now is definitely very, very fair. Even though I don’t believe in God and hate religion that’s part of the reason I wish there was a Heaven. I wish the people who were handed bad lives and never got a ‘choice’, the kind of ‘choice’ I get everyday but continue to waste, would get wonderful after lives. I hope this is all one huge test. And that there is some kind of greater being with some kind of magnificent afterlife, but instead of being judged on how much we believe in God, and how much money we give to church, and how blindly we follow some book, we’re judge on what kind of people we are, and how we treat others, and how we fought through all the excuses we had to be bad people, like growing up poor and having shitty parents and being beaten, and instead we did the best to be the best kind of people we could be, and we didn’t do it because we thought we would be rewarded in Heaven for all eternity, but we did it because we knew that it was the right thing to do.

            “I’m sorry won’t cut it for the rest of your life. Get over yourself and say goodbye. I hope you realize you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you. Forget my name, forget my face, hope you hit your head and your memory gets erased, so I never have to deal with you again.”

            Okay, so I’m a liar, this song, Away We Go, is from the album Lights That Flicker Will Surely Fade, which I said I wasn’t going to include a song from, but I really like these lyrics. I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to say this to a girl. But these thoughts always go away very fast. For me sorry will cut it, because I always feel like I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I always feel like I was the one who did something wrong. I feel like I could have been better, and then whichever thing she should be sorry for would have never happened. And I don’t want her to realize she threw away the best thing that ever happened to her, because I don’t know if that’s really the case. I constantly feel like she’ll do better. And she will forget my name and my face, which I don’t want to happen. I want to deal with her again. I constantly want to deal with her again, which is sad.

            “Cause these days are so long, and these drinks are so tall, and I’ve been spending my time counting the minutes just to feel consistent. Looking for you in every aspect of the world. There’s just no sunset, butterfly or rainbow that could compare to you, girl.”

            Rough Road Leads to the Stars: I feel like I’m looking for aspects of her in other girls, which is of course a bad thing because the other girls never live up to both my idealized version of her, and also just the regular version of her. I found someone though who surprisingly I can talk to without thinking of the aforementioned her. It’s interesting.

“So I’ll trace those steps back to where we first met. A place I’ll never forget cause you and I we can’t let all this space between a perfect you and a perfect me. It’s just so hard to believe that you’re gone.”

This is of course from the song that officially holds this spot on my countdown of favorite songs. One thing I love about this song is the overlapped lyrics in the last 30 seconds or so. I think that gives a nice ending to a song, and a nice ending to the album. And now listen to the song and it will give a nice ending to this blog post.

11 months and some odd days later

I can’t explain how this song jumped from 88 all the way to 12, except that I can. Because it’s taken me so much time to complete this list songs have had time to grow on me, which this song never stopped doing. Whenever I would go to place it on the list there were always a few songs I liked less than it, and because I’m slow and unproductive after I would place those songs on the list it would be a couple weeks later and this song would have grown on me some more so there would be more songs I couldn’t put in front of it, until now, where I couldn’t rightfully put any of the next 11 songs behind it.

Possibly more than the previous band on the countdown, Mansions, I’ve went to this band to console me on lonely nights. And where I previously said I didn’t like the album Lights That Flicker Will Surely Fade, I’ve now grown to like it quite a bit with lyrics like

            “This paper always listens and this pen is always by my side.” The Lights That Flicker Will Surely Fade

            “Its’ not hard to say I love you, when you’re far across the states. And now I know that you’re the only one who makes my day. So wait for me to fly to you, and I’ll tell you what I see. The truth I told is the truth I know is that you are what I need.” Dead Of Winter – that one really hits me close.

            “There’s this amazing shade of green, and brown in your eye. And when the light hits them, they shine on so bright. A sparkle in your smile, a scent to your clothes. And every time I’m near you, I wanna hold you so close. We’re far from goodbye.” A Life In Pictures

            I should have mentioned in the first post that some of the songs on When The Flowers Bloom were written after Shane Henderson’s girlfriend died, so it gives the album a creepily sweet and depressing touch that I love so much.

Also I alluded to Dyana a few times when I wrote this almost a year ago, and also talked of a girl who unlike any other I could finally talk to without missing Dyana. That girl was of course Annabelle, who sad to say has pretty much just taken almost the exact spot in my life that Dyana once held. Now if things don’t work out with Annabelle, which I refuse to let happen (sounds creepyish) yeah…I’m just going to be thinking about Annabelle when I talk to any other girl. I thought I was madly in love with Dyana. I was madly in love with Dyana. I still love who she is, and care about her a lot, but because of Annabelle I know I don’t have to be with Dyana to be happy. In a way it’s been good for me, because I know that even if I can’t be with the person I love it doesn’t mean I won’t find someone else who is a better fit for me. So I always know even if things are shit in my love life it doesn’t mean it will always be that way. Of course it could always be that way. That’s scary to think about. But there’s a chance. And that’s really all I need to keep going.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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