10-1-2011, the week of

What the fuck, this week is so horrible in such the littlest ways. I didn’t get the skit I wrote for me and my friends filmed, my Seahawks lost a close game their coach should have gave them a better chance to win at, and I missed a call from Annabelle because God hates me (probably a more scientific reason than that) nope, I had my phone by me the whole time and it never rang and all of the sudden I get a voice mail from her left half an hour earlier saying she tried calling me before she went to sleep but I of course didn’t pick up because God decided not to let my phone receive the signal, she didn’t mention the God part in her message, it’s just the only logical answer I can think of.

Actually, this happened to me on possibly two other occasions, the reason probably being that I have shitty cell phone service so sometimes my phone only alerts me of my messages right at the exact moment they become no longer relevant. Of course every time this has happened to me it has been with a girl I’ve liked so – I think rightfully so – I assumed it was either God – I can’t stress this enough, I don’t believe in God – trying to keep me from everlasting happiness, or, and this was two years ago but I was just young and crazy enough to almost believe in this, there was some kind of special number girls could dial to send a 30 minute delayed message to any guy they don’t really like but want to keep stringing along in case their plan A, B, C all the way to P, don’t pan out and they’re stuck with me, Quentin. I of course didn’t and don’t really believe that to be the case…but there was a time when nobody thought we’d ever go to the moon. Just saying.

I wrote out a pretty shitty script for me and two of my friends to film, which surprisingly David didn’t hate, and less surprisingly Thaison didn’t want to play the character I wrote for him, but instead of filming it we watched a bunch of gaming crap. I say crap because I gave up gaming, except occasionally with friends, after high school because I wasted way too much time playing video games in my youth. We watched a bunch of top ten videos, some of which were more interesting than others, but one I found controversial.

The website, and David, say Playstation deserves to be number one on the list of best gaming consoles (the list was made before Xbox and Playstation 3 came out) because the best games came out for it. However I argue that’s complete bullshit, because the Playstation 2, which came in at 3 or 4 on the list, is much better than the Playstation because every game you can play on Playstation you can also play on the Playstation 2, not to mention play newer games with better graphics and watch DVDs. I understand that if you only count the games that came out specifically for Playstation and weighed them against the games that came out specifically for Playstation 2 then the Playstation games would be better. But the reality of the situation is that because the Playstation 2 could play original Playstation games those games by default must be accounted for when considering games for the Playstation 2. So the game selection for Playstation 2 is exactly the same as for Playsation, plus newer games specifically for Playstation 2. So basically this paragraph is a big F-U to David.

In this weather the only thing his receivers are going to catch is a cold...thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night...no I won't. I'm masturbating then heading to bed.

Lastly, and I put this last because I know none of you care about sports so you can skip it. Today my Seattle Seahawks lost to the Atlanta Falcons 28 to 30. It was by far the best game Seattle’s offense has played all year long (it’s only been four weeks). It came down to the final seconds. It was 4th and 8, 13 seconds on the clock, and Seattle with the ball and one time out and they needed three points to win. They had two options. They could kick a 61 yard field goal with an average kicker whose longest kick has been 55 yards. Or they could go for the 8 yards, call a timeout and then kick a field goal that wouldn’t be impossible for the kicker to make. As you can guess God whispered into Pete Carroll’s (head coach of the Seahawks) ear, “Fuck Quentin in his hairy ass,” to which Pete Carroll decided to fuck my recently waxed (not really) ass by sending the field goal unit out to which the kicker – whose name is too hard for me to spell and I’m too lazy to look up – proceeded to miss the field goal terribly. It wasn’t even close. Four yards too short, four yards too wide. I don’t blame him though, very few kickers in the league could have made it. I blame Carroll. That’s right, I blame my Grandpa’s dead ex girlfriend. Not really, I mean Pete Carroll, that was just an inside joke for me. I know, I’m terrible for making that joke, but in my defense I’m terrible for much worse reasons as well.

Tarvaris Jackson may be considered one of the worst, if not the worst, starting quarterback in the NFL, but he and the offense were playing at their best that game, and the chances of him throwing for a first down, or running for a first down and then calling a timeout and giving the kicker a field goal he could make was much higher than the decision Carroll made of sending the kicker out for a 61 yard field goal. But of course even the chances of all 22 players on the field simultaneously pulling down their pants and mooning the camera, then the feed being switched to the Super Bowl halftime show where Janet Jackson’s nipple was shown, then Rupert Murdoch coming on screen saying, “vote for Obama in 2012,” are much higher than the kicker (just look up his name already) making the 61 yard field goal, because the chances of Steven Hauschka making that kick is 0 percent. Zero fucking percent, Pete Carroll. So Pete Carroll choosing for Hauschka to attempt the field goal over letting Tarvaris Jackson try to get a first down is exactly the equivalent of Carroll sleeping with Jackson’s girlfriend, wiping his dick all over her face, then looking Jackson right in the eye saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I did not just fuck your girlfriend and wipe my dick across her face,” and then for good measure Carroll whacks his dick on her eye – that time I did mean my Grandpa’s dead ex girlfriend Carroll (horrible) I know, my week totally was horrible.


About Danniel

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