#26 You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will by Bright Eyes
“You say that I treat you like a book on a shelf. I don’t take you out that often because I know that I completed you, and that is why you are here. That’s the reason you stay here. How awful that must feel.”
Aside from the instant classic Go Dog Go, there’s only one book that I’ve ever read twice, and that is Armor by John Steakley. It’s a good book, and is the type of book that should be made into a movie, but not a big movie, more like a three and a half hour long event on HBO, or maybe a miniseries sponsored by Under Armor, or the U.S. Army, since it is a movie about war. The Army can sponsored movies, right? If you go to the movies and get there about five to ten minutes before the trailers start the Army has an ad. It doesn’t straight out say, “Hey, support your nation by joining the army unless you’re a pussy or a faggot,” but rather, “Look at all the fun and unique experiences all these people are having,” and then in small print on the bottom of the screen (although it’s on a movie screen so the prints like two feet tall) it says, “you will be forced into war and we are now accepting pussies and faggots.”
The book is similar to the cult classic, oh crap I’m blanking on the title but it’s where they fight ant like creatures and it had Neil Patrick Harris in it before he was a gay man playing a pusshound on a not so funny show that is good at story telling, and then also Denise Richards before she was knocked up by that guy on the other CBS show who did a bunch of drugs and was going out with two porn stars, oh yeah, Starship Troopers. They’re the same in that they fight ant like creatures, but in Armor the army guys have these super suits, also known as armor, that give them better, but not super human, capabilities in battle. The main character is interesting because he doesn’t like fighting and killing, but he’s one of the best at it because there’s this force within him that just takes over when in battle, and not to spoil anything, except what I’m about to spoil, he continually ends up being the only survivor from his low level troops that are being sent out to fight these ant aliens – it’s not really a spoiler, you find all that out soon in the book.
The story of that character, whose name I forget and am too lazy to look up but actually just now remembered and its Felix, is told through flashbacks type things. The other main character is this famous criminal guy who escapes from prison with the help of this other famous criminal and they take refuge on a planet where he stumbles upon a research team and befriends them. The scientist has Felix’s Armor and within the helmet are recording and so they view them and that’s how you hear of Felix’s past. If this was a big budget movie Johnny Depp would be perfect to play the criminal guy. And although it’s a smaller roll Angelina Jolie could play the scientist assistant chick that Depp’s character ends up sleeping with, and then Felix can be played by Arnold Schwarzenegger whose age will be lowered via CGI, a la Jeff Brides in Tron: Legacy, by about 30 years, and we can have ourselves a piece of crap Hollywood blockbuster in no time.
I was going to post every single song lyric of the song and write about whatever it made me think of, but I’ve gotten too deep in this to do that, plus both physically and emotionally I feel like shit so I don’t really want to have to think when I’m writing, and thus far I haven’t done that much thinking so it’s been enjoyable, so I’m just going to stick with this and end it shortly. I know that feels like something I could have kept to myself, but I love letting the reader in on my writing process. And please don’t think I’m sitting at a wooden desk with a never ending cup of black coffee and cigar out the side of my mouth, because it’s nothing as aesthetically pleasing as that. Instead I’m lying ¾ on my bed with my feet up on my crappy roller desk, my netbook resting on my balls, probably killing or at least retarding my semen, and a cold pack resting on my chest with my eyes barely open, wanting to take a nap even though I’ve slept for probably 25 of the last 36 hours.
One of the cool things that I didn’t expect when reading the book for the second time was that it turns out my memory is pretty shitty. Things happened that I didn’t remember happening, and then other things weren’t as exaggerated and as meaningful as my memory had led me to believe. It makes me want to reread all the other books I really liked to see how much of what I think I really liked about them is now just exaggerated memories in my head. But I’ll never find that out because I’m way too lazy to read most books even once, so I’m not going to reread any books anytime soon, especially since I’ve been in the middle of a few books for months now and can’t find the strength to finish them. They’re not bad, I just haven’t been in a reading mood for a long while.
Anyway, good night.