I did a good deal of helping my mother out with work this week. I need to get a car and a license so I can help her out with work in Vancouver (Washington) more often. Although having a car would take away from a part I really enjoy. There are two theaters over there that we get work for regularly and they’re a little over a mile apart so when I work both those theaters I just walk from one to the other, which would seem like a hassle but I really enjoy the walk. I get to listen to a podcast in peace while I enjoy the scenery. It isn’t much of a scenery but every once in a while a girl with a very nice butt walks by, so that’s enjoyable – not that I specifically go out of my way to look, but I’ve noticed that every time I’m in Vancouver I see a decent amount of attractive female posteriors, I’ve started work on a theory.
I got to watch Transformers 3, not that I really wanted to. Because of my semi busy schedule I had to watch the beginning on Wednesday and then the latter half while sitting in the very front row on a packed Friday night showing. I’m not a big Megan Fox fan so I wasn’t up in arms, or penis in hands, about her not being in the third installment. On the other hand, the one not yet being occupied by my penis, I am now a decently sized fan of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. And when I heard her English accent she went up half an inch on the boner scale – unlike the usual rating system of 1 through 10 where people argue over what makes a 9 on one persons rating different from a 9 on another person’s rating or whatever there’s no arguments with the boner system because there’s a clear difference between one girl getting a five on a boner scale going up to six and a five on a boner scale going up to seven and a half, and on my boner scale a girl getting a five is only theoretically possible (in case this was all too confusing that’s a small penis joke).
I don’t like accents at all. I mean I do like accents, but I don’t like the hold they have over people. Why the hell should the sound of someone’s voice have any effect on my sexual attraction to them? But here’s the more confusing part, an accent on a hot girl makes her more hot, but an accent on an unattractive girl somehow makes her even more unattractive. Seriously, think about it. Are you thinking? David Beckham, hot. Piers Morgan from America’s Got Talent, fucking ugly as fuck. Okay, he’s not super ugly, but he’s a known dickhead so I just wanted to call him ugly. The point is I don’t want to fuck somebody’s accent.
There’s this girl I really like with a Texas accent. She ain’t famous, she’s just some girl I met once upon a time. This is relevant because I was just talking about accents, but also because I am getting negative progress with this situation. Not in the sense that I’m trying to hook up with her and she’s ignoring me, but in the sense that I told myself to stop thinking about girls, and all I find myself doing is thinking about her. We talk on the phone pretty often, although only at night and it always ends with her falling asleep on me.
I’d like – although not really at all – to think that’s the way girls see me. She can have her day doing whatnot and having all kinds of fun and then call me at night for a few minutes of conversation as I bore her to sleep. There’s a certain comfort needed when falling asleep, so I at least provide that, right? Right? I can be the guy tucked in the closet while the girl is being fucked by some more attractive guy, and afterwards he can pull me out of the closet, nestle me up for some cuddles with the girl, and then be on his way to watch some ESPN with a beer or whatever the hell guys do.
It’s not favorable to my productivity that talking to her has become the thing I most look forward to. If there was a second thing I most look forward to, and there probably is, it would be doing the podcast. The podcast has been a bright part of my life over the past year and a half. I’ve been disappointed with not keeping it consistent, but in June eight episodes were posted which is more than one a week so I’m happy for that.
Well I’d love to talk more but I gotta go work out – by work out I mean eat a whole bag of popcorn with extra butter, but I don’t want you to know that because I fear being judged, except by God, God judging me just makes me laugh.