Getting Progress Part 3: Whistling Urine

There still hasn’t been any progress attained. In fact I may be making backwards progress. I’ve been a good deal lonely this week, which is not a feeling I care to have. I wish I could turn the loneliness into anger because I could then turn that into progress, but this wasn’t angry loneliness. This was the basic lay in bed listening to sad songs thinking of her loneliness. But no one wants to hear my sorrows, so let’s move on to better things. Boo loneliness, yay Cars 2.

Actually nay Cars 2. I had to help my mother with work this week and that required me to watch Cars 2. I’ve never seen the first Cars. I’m not hugely fond of animated movies to began with, even though I’m aware Pixar makes amazing movies although the half an hour of Up I watch was thoroughly unimpressive, although to be fair I was watching it at three in the morning sort of drunk lying on Nathan’s couch after we had gotten back from a club with only two rules, everybody gets some but Quentin and Nathan, and the bathrooms must be packed with people and inane chatter at all times making it hard for Quentin to urinate because he’s wildly narcissistic and assumes everyone must be trying to sneak a peak at his thoroughly unimpressive cock, which gets us back to Up, which gets us back to animated movies, which gets us back to Cars, which Quentin also didn’t see because sadly he has no interest in cars, even animated ones (apparently this is written in third person now) just the way Quentin likes it.

I guess the second one was entertaining. I could see how kids would enjoy it, but it wasn’t very funny. Wall-E was much more hilarious. Oh good lord the fat people. So hilarious. Actually Wall-E is the only movie I can think of where I fell asleep in the theater. I had stayed up the whole night and had to help my mother with work, which is pretty much the only time I go to the theater. I had a bunch of extra time to kill so I watched Wall-E and was enjoying the first part of it, but then once all the action started I got incredibly bored and tired and fell asleep and when I awoke everyone was fat and floating around drinking food through a straw. If I’m spoiling any of Wall-E I apologize, but then again I can’t be that sorry otherwise I just would have deleted this paragraph. I think Wall-E is wildy overrated, granted I have no idea how much people really do love it, I just don’t give it much credit for its dystopian version. People seem to make that out like it was brilliant or something. I think most of us have been well aware that we’re becoming incredibly lazy. It’s not like it was some Inception like concept. Here’s how the meeting for the movie went,

Guy 1, “Hey, Guy 2, you know how everyone is getting lazier?”

Guy 2, “Shut the hell up, I’m trying to take a nap.”

Guy 1, “What if we exaggerate it by like a million?”

Guy 2, “How’s that interesting at all?”

Guy 1, “We’ll add a cute little robot.”

Guy 2, “Brilliant!”

Listen, I’m not saying Wall-E is a horrible movie by any means. All I’m saying is that it’s really hard for me to jerk off to a robot love story (that’s what was being said?)

I also got to watch a little bit of Bad Teacher, and if I was a horrible film critic I’d say, “The teacher wasn’t the only bad thing in this movie,” but I’m not, so instead I’ll stay away from the cliché and just say that this movie taught me well in the ways of bad film making. I only saw about half the movie, and it wasn’t that great, but I wasn’t expecting it to be as soon as I found out it was written by two The Office writers who I’m not particularly fond of. I was glad to see Phyllis from The Office get some nice laughs in the movie though.

So in conclusion Wall-E is better than Cars 2, Up has a grumpy old man in it, Toy Story wasn’t talked about, I’ve been pretty lonely this week but I don’t want any help from Cameron Diaz, and I prefer peeing in solitude because I like whistling to myself.


About Danniel
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