Bedtime Thoughts 19, I Guarantee You’ll Love This Post (a title of hypocrisy)

What the fuck am I worried about staying on a schedule for? I wanted to sleep early, well midnight was two God damn hours ago, so I can kiss that goodbye. Falling asleep to the sunrise here I come. Might as well do something instead of pretending like I could actually fall asleep relatively soon. So I decided to write while listening to Kevin Devine and Manchester Orchestra and Bad Books which is essentially Kevin Devine and Manchester Orchestra. I have no idea what will come of this writing. Thoughts, probably. I can’t guarantee that. Lately I haven’t been able to guarantee much.

I do love when people guarantee things and turn out to be wrong. I was playing Scrabble earlier today with Christopher and David and Quy and after we were done we were checking the official Scrabble dictionary to see all the words we had iffily, yes iffily, put on the board fearing someone would challenge them but no one ever did. For example had I put iffily on the board it definitely would have been challenged because there is no way in hell it’s a real word. It’s just something I made up based on the word iffy. However David put the word edo on the board and no one cared to challenged it. There were a lot of words on the board no one challenged that ended up not being real words. Of the four of us combined we’ve only had sex with one girl – we’ve all each had sex, it just so happens we’ve all slept with the same one girl…that’s not true at all…at least not yet…kidding Christopher – the point being that we aren’t exactly big on taking chances in life, and apparently to us Scrabble is life (also apparently taking chances and sexual intercourse has a correlation).

The most exciting word was tainter, to which I proclaimed that I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t in the Scrabble dictionary, to which Christopher burst out in outrage, for this was his played word, that he guaranteed it’s a real word. He then proceeded to check both the Scrabble dictionary and the regular dictionary and it was nowhere to be found. I understand how he could make that claim. Tainted is clearly a word. We know because we’ve heard Soft Cells Tainted Love a million times. So if love can be tainted it’s reasonable to believe that someone or something is doing the tainting, and wouldn’t that person or thing be the tainter? Mr. Scrabble and popular dictionaries tell us no. The point of all this? Christopher being wrong on a guarantee makes me happy for some bizarre reason. Honestly not just Christopher being wrong, but anybody being wrong on a guarantee is nice to see. I’m 100% sure that makes me a douche bag. And it’s not really true. I’m actually the guy who will change the channel when watching a reality TV show if one of the characters is in a really embarrassing situation.

I don’t watch the Bachelor or the Bachelorette and part of the reason is that I know I couldn’t. It’s so weird. So the Bachelor is dating all these girls and as the competition continually gets narrower and narrower he genuinely from the bottom of his heart wants to sleep with all the girls. Was I supposed to say he loves them? I’m not sure I believe that. I do believe that by the time it gets down to three or four girls or whatever most, if not all, the girls really like the guy on a very deep level, and probably feel as if they have a real connection that he doesn’t have with the other girls, when in reality, like I previously mentioned, he just wants to have some fun with a bunch of girls. If a guy is looking for love he doesn’t go to a reality show that is just going to put 25 hot girls in front of him. Any guy who wants to simultaneously date 25 women isn’t looking for someone to settle down with. The Bachelorette I feel is a little bit different, only because women are a little more crazy when it comes to dating. No offense women. It just seems like maybe women do sometimes get so desperate that they actually think dating 25 hot men on a reality show is the only way they’ll truly find love. But anyway…what the fuck am I talking about again?

Oh yeah, so all the girls really like the guy but the guy just wants to bone all the girls and is deciding which girl he wants to bone for the next three months before he ultimately breaks up with her and takes his short lived Bachelor fame to bars and clubs picking up chick after chick, many of which know he’s an asshole but that’s what attracts them to him because they think they can be the one who changes him into the lovable asshole or whatever the fuck is the reason so many girls go for douche bags instead of nice guys (bitter much?) I’m not saying I’m a good guy by any means, it just angers me, so yes, ultimately I’m bitter, but anyway the Bachelor has to tell all but one of these girls that he doesn’t want to be with them, and that’s the TV moment that some people like Bill Simmons crave, while I can’t watch because even though it has nothing to do with me it’s painful. I really am too sensitive.  I used to genuinely get upset and angry and downright sad whenever there was an episode of a show I liked where one of the characters cheated on their boyfriend or girlfriend or wife/husband etc…As of a couple months ago I got angry at Dr. Mary Albright in 3rd Rock From the Sun because she slept with another guy while dating Dick Solomon (wonderfully played by John Lithgow) – of course I couldn’t get that upset because I think he had done some sort of cheating on her either before or after that, so it went both ways. I had to sit back and think for a minute why I was starting to feel sad – not real sadness that would amount to anything, just sad feelings – over some comedy show.

I think ultimately it’s what I do with everything. As a narcissist I have to relate everything back to myself. With TV shows, and movies and reality TV even in situations when I have no emotional connection to the character or person I think the reason I feel so sad is because at least subconsciously I’m putting myself through that situation and how similar things might really happen to me at some point. So on the Bachelor Bret isn’t telling Vanessa that he doesn’t want to be with her and instead he’s going to be with Julia. Bret is telling me he doesn’t want to be with me. And God damn it that just hurts down to my core. No homo (what the fuck is this no home thing all about?) I have no idea. I realize that people say it after they say something gay, like a guy being hurt over the guy from the bachelor not liking them, or saying Brad Pitt looked his best in the movie Troy – funny, I was trying to think of douche bag names that I could give to the guy on the Bachelor and ultimately chose Bret but my original first choice was going to be Troy, a name I absolutely despise – but really, no homo is a thing that has caught on and is being said by millions of people across the world? Seems like we’re better than that. I keep forgetting that we’re not.


About Danniel
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One Response to Bedtime Thoughts 19, I Guarantee You’ll Love This Post (a title of hypocrisy)

  1. sololos says:

    You should know better than to take my “guarantee” that seriously.

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