Getting Progress Part 1

I’ve been thinking about documenting the progress of my life for awhile now, but because I have absolutely no confidence in myself I didn’t want to do it and then seem pathetic when week after week my life gained no, and perhaps lost, progress. But now I’ve decided it’s the right time to start documenting my progress towards getting a happier life. So I must feel more confidence in myself, right? Wrong, this is going to be a complete disaster and a year from now my life will be just as pathetic as it is now, if not more pathetic due to actually trying and failing, rather than just failing by not trying, which has been much of the 23 years of my previous existence (pervious existence? Has a new existence started?) It would make for a better story to act as if this is a new starting point to my life and from now on I’m going to be a bigger and better Quentin, but nope, I just typed ‘previous existence’ by accident without wanting anyone to really look into it to find a deeper meaning.

There are five things I want to accomplish that are most correlated to the happiness in my life. The closer I get to achieving these things the happier I believe I’ll be. Of course I say all this knowing damn well that there is something extremely wrong with me and I’ll probably never be happy because I strive for perfection and we all know perfection is impossible, but really that doesn’t even come into play for me, because I could strive for just being 10 to 15% as successful as the average person and still come up unbelievably short. But despite the depressing self awareness of knowing I’ll never be happy I’m still going to try for that God damned happiness, or at least nap and masturbate a lot less.

1) Get a job – That should be clarified as finally get a job, because get a job could mean at one point I had a job and lost it and now I need to get a new one, but that’s not my situation at all. My situation is that I’m a 23 year old with absolutely no real job experience who’s first name is misspelled (Danniel instead of the appropriate Daniel, thanks mother) and who’s last name is very Hispanic (Trujillo) not that there’s anything wrong with that, although I would have hoped it’d help me get my foot in the door at Taco Bell, which it didn’t, but I take full blame for that – to quickly comment on the Hispanic name thing, I don’t think having an ethic sounding name is a burden where I live, but in other parts of the country it could be more of a detriment when trying to find a job, especially without any real experience.

I touched on the experience thing, and you may know that I do help my mother out with work, but it’s really difficult to explain to you what I do let alone explain it on a resume or to someone when I’m being interviewed. And it’s not like there’s a real boss someone can contact as a reference, or real paychecks even. I work a completely unreal job extremely part time (like 100 – 200 hours a year) for my mother. I’m not sure that’s much of a backbone for a resume. In case you’re curious what I do is usually write down the trailers that play before movies and write the audiences reaction to them and then give it to a company that then relays it to movie studios and then I can only hope and assume they wipe their ass with that information. Sometimes I have to count people and take down demographics for movies on their opening weekend. It’s fun, I get to see millions of hot girls going on dates with guys in flip flops – you wouldn’t believe the percentage of guys who wear flip flops when going to the movies, unless you’re one of those guys, then you’d probably believe it.

What I need to do to get a job is go back in time and have people tell me about this call back thing before I start applying to places not knowing I’m expected to call them to set up an interview or whatever. My mother tells me I need to just call all the places and not mention that I sent them my resume or filled out an application two months ago. That’s probably what I’ll do, but I don’t like lying so I won’t necessarily mention the two months thing, but if they even hint about asking about it I’ll go ahead and shout it out as if confessing a murder I’ve held within my soul for 15 years. I’m fairly confident I’ll be able to get a job….someday.

2) Get a license and then car, probably in that order – this past week, or something, I finally passed my driving knowledge test, which means I can get my permit and start learning to drive, which I’m very afraid to learn to do, but in this day and age you kind of need a car. I mean not necessarily because the world would be a lot healthier a place if more people used public transportation. But for things like going to the lake, or picking up hitchhikers, or getting to second base with Mary Beth it’s always nice to have your own car.

I don’t know how this is going to go down. I’m deeply afraid of driving. I’m not at all scared of being in cars. I’ve been in cars while the driver was doing some very dumb and fast things, and I wasn’t scared in the least bit. But the idea of me driving is very nerve wrecking. I don’t think I’d be a dangerous driver, I just don’t trust those other assholes on the road. They can try and hide it, but I know they’re out to get me.

3) Film skits – This has been a dream of mine for a long time, and God damn it I’m going to do it. It’s summer now, so Christopher should have some more free time, and David should be free more often, and my cousin is back from the army, and I just got in contact with Tim again, and I can coax Nathan with beer, and I don’t know what the deal with Lupita is anymore, but she said she’s usually free on weekends so hopefully I’ll get a hold of her sometime, and God damn it I swear on everything that is holy and unholy and all in between that I will film some fucking skits this summer. I can’t swear that they’ll be anywhere near good though.

4) Do the podcast and youtube show more regularly – Christopher was busy with school and his girlfriend (The Herminator) so he wasn’t able to podcast with me, and that was a big blow to the podcast because I hated doing them by myself. But that is no more. Now I kind of enjoy the alone time with myself and often times look forward to doing the podcast alone. Not that I’m not looking forward to Christopher coming back to the podcasts more regularly this summer, but at least now I’m more confident is having more podcasts out on a weekly basis as opposed to before where we went a whole month without releases one.

The youtube show I need to treat more as a regular job, because it takes a lot of effort and with my nature of putting everything off until the last minute that can’t work for it. I have to write, record, edit and then upload all that crap and it takes a lot of time, time I’d apparently rather spend masturbating, or napping, or listening to podcasts, or talking to people online, or thinking about ideas for the youtube show but never writing them down and working them out so I can actually record them. Luckily I have this trusty monthly planner that my mother gave me so I’m going to start organizing my time using it, and that should keep me on schedule with getting the youtube show out on time.

5) Stop being so obsessed with women – This is absolutely the hardest thing for me to do, but it’s crucial to my happiness, which sucks because it’s pretty much impossible. I’m not going to stop thinking about girls and unfortunately I’m nowhere near being able to really be with one. The only thing I can hope is that I spend so much time doing the above four things that I don’t have enough time to think about girls, or rather how I’m alone. But what I can’t let happen is what I have been letting happen and constantly think about these such wondrous women creature and how I lack the special one, and then that gets me all depressed and in no mood to focus on what needs to be focused on. Last night Annie called me at three in the morning after not talking to me or returning my texts for over a week and even though I was in the middle of sleep I of course picked up the phone because there is nothing I love more in the world than talking to her and having my precious sleep interrupted throwing me off my desired scheduled of waking up early, and although that sounds sarcastic I meant it to sound that way to disguise the fact that I’m completely sincere.

So here I go, off on my journey to improve my life, which shouldn’t be hard, atop the first step is higher than the floor. What do I even mean by that?

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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One Response to Getting Progress Part 1

  1. sololos says:

    This is similar to the list I made a few years ago. I still haven’t gotten a job.

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