#35 I Would Stay by The Dangerous Summer
Probably a little more than a year ago when I was back in community college I would listen to this song a lot on my walk to and from school. Probably like four or five times all together. It has that quality that all remaining songs on my list have, in that I can listen to them twice in a row – and as I get further on my list some songs are so good that not only did I want to listen to them twice in a row, but I had to listen to them two or three times in a row, otherwise I wouldn’t feel satisfied.
I really like this song, but as usual I don’t really have much to say. As of the past few weeks I haven’t really been writing that well, or putting my place in the state to write well. I’m starting to feel like I’m going to get really depressed again. Overall the past few months haven’t been that bad compared to the last couple years of my life, at least in an emotional sense. It’s weird because I haven’t really been doing anything productive in “life” the past couple months. I’ve been trying and failing at a lot of things, like getting a job, doing my crappy youtube videos, stuff like that. Maybe it’s just in the trying.
Today there was that whole the world’s going to end thing. I had heard about it from some people a couple weeks ago and completely forgot about it until a bunch of people brought it up last night. As you know I’m an atheist, so I wasn’t worried in the least. I was surprised how many religious people were really worried though. I met and talked to one religious girl last night who was a little freaked out about the whole thing. She was shocked to find out I was an atheist and said she’s pray for me and I did nothing in the way of arguing with her. She can believe what she wants and I can not believe what I want, no need to argue about it.
The idea of being judged pleases me. I certainly wouldn’t do well according to the Bible standards. I mean that arrogant fuck God wants people to love him beyond all else, but I think that’s a pretty unreasonable demand. Even if he does exist and did create all this does that mean I should love him above all else? I mean I wouldn’t be here without my biological father, but that fuck has nothing to do with my life, and as far as I know it neither does God. Of course religious people will tell you that God has a lot to do with your life always, but there’s really no proof of that, it’s just a bunch of people with no real basis for knowing anything about God being real saying stuff. I guess that’s where the faith comes in. My larger point is that once people find God in their life they will have already spent more time with their mom or dad or some other family member and bonded with them, and to think just because some guy standing in front of a pulpit is telling you God is the greatest and should be loved above all else it isn’t going to make anyone really love God more than they love the person they’ve spent their entire life bonding with. And frankly I’m scared for the person who would love God that quickly over someone who has really impacted their life. This isn’t me bashing God. This is me talking to myself.