#38 The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional

“You will be back some day and this awkward kiss that tells of other people’s lips will be of service to keeping you away.”

            Such a mag-fucking-nificent song this is. I feel ashamed for not putting it higher on the list, and it’s actually a better song then the song I assume I’m going to put at 37, but I couldn’t put this song in front of that because that song is the reason I started listening to a band that used to be one of my favorite bands, so it’s got a lot of meaning to me in that way.

My writing was halted for 20 minutes just now because I had something in my eye and it was really annoying and I couldn’t get it out, but now somehow after lying face down in a pillow for two minutes my eye feels fine, but apparently the 18 minutes I spent frantically trying to get the thing out of my eye did nothing at all.

I don’t think I could ever get away with cheating. I think probably a lot of people think they could get away with cheating without the other person finding out. And I think that’s a big part of why people cheat in the first place. Another big part being that many guys are addicted to fresh vagina, although not fresh in the sense that it’s never been used, or is only partially broken in, but in the sense that it’s new to their penis. And I think a smaller part is when a person gets bored with the other person but for whatever reason they don’t want to break it off, usually because they’re married and have kids, and then they run into suave artist of some sort who convinces the girl that her husband doesn’t treat her the way she deserves, which true or not is basically just the suave guys way of saying, “let me give you some good lovin’ that you so desperately need”.

The Fruit Bowl is the name of the club I like to spend my Saturday nights at. Very nice young gentelmen. A little too handsy though.

I want to focus on the cheating where the person thinks they can get away with it, and I say focus fully knowing I probably won’t talk about it in detail but rather get distracted by some random topic like how the fruit bowl my mother bought had 16 blueberries in it, which seems like a weird number, but aside from that it was like all cantaloupe and honeydew melon with a few grapes, like seriously only six, a couple pieces of pineapple, three small slices of apple, and like two thirds of a strawberry. Seriously, this fruit bowl pissed me off. I should be more annoyed at the six grapes, but for some reason the sixteen blueberries – and yes, I did count them – annoyed me most. First of all they’re so small they nestle their way to the bottom, protecting their self beneath what seems like 40 large pieces of cantaloupe. I don’t have a problem which cantaloupe, in face I like it a lot, I just don’t know why there needs to be so much cantaloupe in comparison to everything else? I assume it must be because it’s cheaper? But why only six grapes? Grapes aren’t that expensive right? Would the company go bankrupt if they added even four more grapes? Or are grapes in peril of being on the endangered species list for foods and now being carefully rationed? And what the hell is the deal with the strawberry? It wasn’t a whole strawberry or even two halves. It was as if they cut a strawberry into thirds and then threw away the middle piece as if they can waste all the strawberries they want? But if strawberries are apparently so abundant that they can throw part of them away why not just go hog wild and put four thirds of a strawberry in this so called fruit thingy. But the most annoying thing is that on the day my mother bought it I ate a couple pieces leaving the majority of it for the rest of the family. And then the next day it was in the fridge and hadn’t been touched by anyone so I took a few more pieces but figured certainly other people would want it so I left the majority of it for everyone else knowing that they wouldn’t let it last another day and lose its freshness. But alas, the next day I find it in the fridge, so much of its freshness now gone, and I’m pissed because I’m now finishing off this fruit that apparently no one else wanted but I would have gladly eaten all of on the first day when it was at peak freshness but now it’s several days removed from its freshness to the point that the honeydew melon basically tastes like water flavored Jello that someone tried to freeze but all it did was give it harder texture. The point is that I don’t like the mixed fruit bowl concept because when I see a grape mingling with a pineapple I start to worry that grape is cheating on the other grapes…actually I love fruit bowls and everything they stand for (what do they stand for?) why the mixing of cultures of course.

I’ve talked about cheating enough in my lifetime, and it always brings me down anyway, plus fruit is way more interesting then the psychological process of cheating, right?


About Danniel

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6 Responses to #38

  1. Generation 26 says:

    keep bloggin 🙂

  2. ninjapoptart says:

    I always love a good surprise and, lo and behold, I had no idea it would, in fact, end with unsatisfying fruit bowls when I thought it was going to be about cheating.

    • Danniel says:

      I didn’t even mean to write about the fruit bowl. I really had stuff to say about that specific kind of cheating, but then I mentioned the fruit bowl and I was too annoyed to leave it be. I just had to get it off my chest. It was very therapeutic.

      • ninjapoptart says:

        It’s complete;y understandable. I have had similar situations happen to me and they’re quite aggravating. Next time, take no prisoners, fruit or otherwise, and just eat the damn fruit bowl at its peak freshness.

  3. I love this.
    And the song of course.

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