#41 No, This Won’t Be A Sad Post, There’s Gonna Be Winky Faces And Jerking Off Jokes

#41 Around The Clock by The Rocket Summer

“No, this won’t be a sad song. There’s gonna be claps and singing along.”

I have no idea who any of those girls are

The Girl Next Door is a horrible movie...unless you're a preteen with no internet, then it makes quite the valuable jerk off aide.

As I write this, for the second time (the first draft’s first two paragraphs were exceedingly boring and then quickly deleted), I’m not sure how to feel. Yesterday I was very depressed, just with the overall feeling of being lonely and meaningless, but tonight I have been surprisingly upbeat for no good reason at all – well I did watch Survivor which I always look forward to, although it was a pretty boring episode and I want to punch Boston Rob in is dumb Boston Rob face and I want to sleep with those semi-attractive girls who sweat his nuts, especially Natalie, and then the next morning while serving them a homemade breakfast, because I imagine I’m the kind of guy who would do that plus I love cooking breakfast, I would reveal to them that I have AIDS and now they do too and I’d let that sink in with them for a good five minutes then say, “just kidding, but that’s what you get for essentially sucking Boston Rob off and playing Survivor stupidly,” and then I’d feel really bad and try to make it up to them in any way possibly, except Ashley, I really despise her, even if it means I have to buy them expensive jewelry, which I don’t know how I’d get the money for, I guess I’d probably have to blow some guys for cash, but hey that’s what I get for pulling that horrible prank on those Survivor girls I don’t like…oh, and then I watched an okay episode of Modern Family and two episodes of the new show Happy Endings which has the hot girl from The Girl Next Door, which my mom said was a good movie and I should watch it for some reason and I did watch it, twice in fact, and I hated it, and it’s also got Damon Wayans Jr. in it who was in that dance parody movie that I watched part of and didn’t find funny but the main girl was kind of cute, but in this Damon Wayans Jr. looks like the black guy from Spin City, who was one of my favorite TV characters growing up because I loved black people for some reason, and also his character was gay, and I think one of the reason I’m so pro gay people might be because I liked that character at a young age and so I had fond feelings for gay people early, and what does any of this have to do with me being in a good mood tonight? – but even though I’m feeling good mentally, my head aches, so things kind of suck.

Which one's the chick? Although Bryce Avary does look rather girlish in this picture, the girl on the right is far too attractive to play the 'who's the chick?' game with.

The Rocket Summer is kind of a happy mood band for me, even though they do have a few songs that I like to listen to when I’m feeling down. But this song, and especially So Much Love – which I stupidly made a video of me dancing to that song in a towel for the girl I loved only to have things once again end about a week later, so now listening to that song, which I’m doing at the moment, is bittersweet – just put me in good spirits. I love dancing around my room while belting these songs at the top of my lungs, much to my housemates and neighbors dismay. I don’t care if the lyrics are cheesy, because I am in fact super cheesy myself, I really enjoy The Rocket Summer. Plus I like the idea of if I was at a party drunk and saw Bryce Avary from afar I would probably mistake him for a hot chick. Well, maybe that’s stretching it too far. But definitely a cute chick.

Back to the Happy Endings thing, and no, this isn’t going to be a rant about how I’m never sure how to smoothly signal the Asian lady at the massage place that I want to be tugged off, I’m always perfectly aware of how to do that (if this was on twitter or written on somebody’s Facebook wall there totally would have been a winky face after that) damn straight there would have. But in this form of writing I don’t really approve of the faces. They make me 😦 But before getting back to the Happy Endings thing I want to first touch on the Happy Ending thing. I don’t get the appeal of those. I mean I’ve never been jerked off by anyone other than myself, especially not an attractive Asian woman with small delicate hands who have made it their profession to massage the skin with masterfully bliss perfection, but it’s not really something I could ever see myself doing. I enjoy the comfort of jerking off at home. And not only would it be weird getting jerked off by a stranger, unless drunkenly in the back of a nightclub of course, but I would feel bad for the girl. I assume she must get tipped extra for it, so she’s fine with it, or at least has compromised her morals in order to get her rent paid – by the way some morals are bullshit and I totally think prostitution should be legalized, therefore allowing it to be done in a proper and safe fashion. Anyway, Jerking off is one of those things that I really don’t need any help with. So ladies if you’d like to please me go ahead and put those hands behind your back and instead open up your mouth…and let’s have a pleasant conversation 😉


About Danniel

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One Response to #41 No, This Won’t Be A Sad Post, There’s Gonna Be Winky Faces And Jerking Off Jokes

  1. I saw the rocket summer live 🙂 twas beautiful

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