#42 It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends by Bright Eyes
This song always eventually reminds me of Eva, but not at all for the reasons the song would imply, and also note I said eventually (because you assume your readers are so dumb they wouldn’t have noticed it without you reminding them?) No, in fact quite the contrary, I think my readers are extremely smart, all two of them, Elana and Sam – I assume short for Samantha and to be honest I had no idea what her name was and I had to go back and look for it on her blog because in case she reads this I didn’t want her to think I didn’t know what her name was (mission not accomplished) all I remembered was her blog was named something like ninjapooptart, but probably not poop, possibly pop, and I was pretty sure that was just the name of her blog, and not her actual birth name.
This song is about a guy who used to be close with a girl but now they aren’t so much, and even though me and Eva have been very close and then not so close, we have never been close in a romantic way. More so in an I flirt nonstop and she comes up with new ways to ignore me kind of way. But we’ll go through periods where we’ll text or talk on the phone all night for two or three nights a week, but then we won’t talk to each other at all for like two or three weeks. Right now we’re at a good point in our friendship where we talk sort of regularly and I’m fine with just being friends and am content with just masturbating to the idea that maybe at one point she kind of almost wanted to have sex with me. That’s right, I don’t masturbate to thoughts of us having sex, because that would be completely unrealistic, but the idea of her maybe almost wanting to have sex with me at one point isn’t completely farfetched – even though I know her well I have no idea if she somehow reads this if she’d laugh at that or have no idea I was joking and be completely creeped out.
The eventually part is because the main concept of this song doesn’t really resonate with Eva and my friendship, but eventually I’ll remember that this was the Bright Eyes song that got me hooked on them, and then I’ll remember exactly where I was when I first listened to it, and then I’ll remember it was exactly around the time me and Eva first started talking, January of 2009. I know it would seem creepy to remember it that specific – luckily I don’t know the exact date – but it was at a time when a lot of stuff was happening in my life.
It was the first time I started feeling really ignored by that girl I once loved, for reasons I wouldn’t find out until later, so I got really depressed about that, and that’s the reason I started talking to Eva in the first place.
One night while on Myspace, before its untimely demise, wait a second, Myspace doesn’t really have anything to do with this story yet, I just recall being on it when I got a call from my sister, but the reader didn’t need to know I was on Myspace at the time, unless I just play this it off as adding extra detail to the story (and now they’ve gotten way too much extra detail) so one night while on Myspace my sister called me and she was hanging out with one of her friends – at this point you’re probably assuming it was Eva, but you’ll be surprised to learn that yes, you are correct in your assumption, good job Elana, and I’d congratulate Sam but she stopped reading after the creepy masturbation joke.
So Eva quickly says hi in the background because my sister made her or something and then my sister or whatever is showing Eva my picture on myspace (huh, turns out Myspace was relevant after all) and then she tells me that Eva thinks I’m cute and tells me to go look at Eva’s myspace picture and I look and I recall just thinking she was okay at the time, turns out she was really beautiful but at the time I was obsessed with the girl I loved so I really didn’t care how other girls looked, and I don’t recall what I told my sister but whatever and some other whatevers and the phone call ended and then later Eva friend requested me and we started messaging back and forth and then this reminds me of something mentioned in those conversations that happens a lot.
Somehow I mentioned that I was a virgin. I don’t recall how but it might have been something like this,
Eva: So what’s your favorite thing to eat?
Quentin: Steak. I like it rare, to the point that it’s still bleeding, just like vagina’s do every month, although I’m not well versed in vagina’s because my penis has never been inside one.
I’m very good at segueing anything to my virginity. But then she said the thing I absolutely hate hearing.
Eva: No way. I can’t believe a guy like you is a virgin.
I’ve heard that over and over and over and over again to the point that it’s no longer a compliment and more so makes me think about how much more of a loser I am because apparently girls think I can get laid, but somehow I still don’t. But at the same time it also makes me angry because these girls are saying it, but it’s not like they’re offering their selves up (probably because you refer to a girl having sex with you as her offering herself up) nonetheless it’s insulting because they’re saying I could totally have sex, but not with them (or maybe you’re just looking into it way too much?) that’s true of every situation.
Let me make my whole virginity thing clear quickly one more time, even though by now Sam is off assuredly doing something involving zombies and Elana has fallen asleep with her face planted on her keyboard but will wake up shortly once the three cups of green tea she’s drank fill her bladder and send her running to the toilet. It’s not that I won’t have sex until a certain point, like marriage or something. It’s just every single girl I’ve ever wanted to have sex with has either not wanted to have sex with me, I assume even though I’d never have the gall to inquire, or has been miles and miles out of the very short radius that my penis covers. So I don’t want anyone thinking I’m this great guy who doesn’t care about sex and is waiting for the right person. It’s only partly that. There have been, and still are, a few girls that if given the chance I would have sex with right at this moment, and a few more that I would have sex with but only after asking my mother to first leave the room (I don’t think that joke came off well, in case anyone didn’t get it it has nothing to do with incest). But I would say a larger part of being a virgin has to do with girls not liking me, or being far from me. Just wanted to make that clear quickly (failed on both the clear and quickly parts).
So over Myspace Eva gave me her number, but all I did was write it down and it sat in my room for about a week until one night after being ignored by the girl I loved for quite a while I couldn’t get any sleep and it was like 1 in the morning and I said fuck it, I’ll just call Eva and see if she can distract me. To my surprise she picked up and it couldn’t have been any more perfect. I said hi, and she said hold on and then hung up on me. I was in love. Or at least I fell in love with that being the result of me calling her for the first time. She called back and I told her who I was and she apologized and said I sounded like the guy from Twilight and we had a nice little conversation and I got some sleep and over the past two years I’ve probably talked to Eva more than I’ve talked to any other girl…yet she still won’t give up the pussy to me.
I wanted to end with that line just for the suddenness and humor in it, but I want my sister to read this because I’m going to be mean to her again and tell her I finally wrote another blog post about her even though I barely mentioned her and mentioned Eva way more and she’ll get annoyed at that and then she’ll probably tell Eva about this and when she does I at least wanna make sure that she knows that even though Eva is incredibly beautiful I would much rather just continue being close friends with her rather than having unbelievably orgasmic – for me – and incredibly awkward and annoying – for her – sex.