#43 Masturbate, Procrastinate, Repeat and Relax

#43 Chemo Limo by Regina Spektor

This is the song that started it all for me and Regina Spektor; our first date, our first kiss, our first marriage, our first kid, our first divorce, my first stalking her, our second marriage, all of which took place in my imagination. This was probably the only song of hers I listened to for well over a year before I got around to giving her another chance and discovered she had other songs I liked. I don’t know what it was about this song that made it stick out to me as the only song of hers I was willing to like at the time (it was the strength of sadness in the piano) oh, well now I know.

I woke up from a three hour nap about an hour ago. At one point I woke up during the nap to the song All Hail The Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas and listened to about a minute of it while I was still vaguely awake and all I can remember is at the time I thought it sounded amazing, and like I was noticing parts of it I had never noticed before. It was weird. It was like for the minute I woke up from my nap I was drunk or what I imagine being high is like.

I only brought that up because I found this to be one of my better naps. Oh, and also I have nothing else to talk about, so there’s that too. Normally naps are horrible for me. For one I’m just a horrible napper in general. When I normally sleep it can last anywhere from six to fifteen hours, so when I nap it can last anywhere from half an hour to ten hours. I don’t ever intend to nap for ten hours, but sometimes I just can’t wake myself up. Those naps are horrible because I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, which is odd because had I been up those ten hours I probably would have wasted time in an even bigger way until I eventually slept and wasted even more time. Naps that range from half an hour to two hours are worse for a different reason.

I hate people who can be refreshed after taking a two hour nap. I’ve never been able to do that with the exception of one occasion where I was surprising refreshed, which was perfect because I had been up all night studying and still had about two hours left to study before a big test – I want not to get into my study routine but I see no other part of the blog where I’ll get in my obligatory masturbation mention, so I’m going to make a studying tangent.

Studying Tangent: When I was in community college, which is about the only time I ever really did any studying, like most folks I always procrastinated until the last minute. On one particularly night I had to write a three to five page argumentative paper on a topic of my choice – I choose gay marriage and almost titled the paper something akin to ‘just let the fags get married already all you dumb mother fuckers’, I thought it would first inform the reader that I was somewhat impartial, whereas in actuality the entire paper was full of anti-gay bashing (bashing of those people against gay marriage or being gay in general) and it contained a lot of cussing, which I don’t think college teachers really like, but I’m really stubborn when it comes to my writing, which like I always say is why my writing is going to continue to be bad forever. I also had to write a book review for a book I hadn’t read, and study for an extremely stressful history test where in an hour a fifty minute class I’m required to write a paragraph each on three smaller topics just describing their importance, then if I want at least a D I have to write at least a page on a small essay topic and then two pages on a larger essay topic, the questions of which won’t be known until class starts – these history tests are the hardest and most studying for any tests I’ve ever done. My studying starts with about an hour of vaguely studying while I say to myself I can’t do this and I should just skip class tomorrow and take the F. Then I masturbate. Then I write the paper. Then I masturbate again. Then I write the book review. Then I masturbate again. Then I frantically study for my history tests, usually while drinking some tea, and then I masturbate again, and then get back to studying frantically. I don’t know what I got on the argumentative paper but it was good enough to push my grade in that class up to a B, and then in History I was shocked to discover I got an A on both the review and both essays of the test and got an A in the class. My procrastinate, masturbate, study, masturbate, study, masturbate again, study method was a success. I guess masturbating takes stress away. I don’t know if it does less so after doing it four times, but it seemed to work for me. I don’t always masturbate four times when I study, but I’m feeling overwhelmed I’m not afraid to put down the books and pick up my cocks (you mean cock) um, yeah, sure. I’m not suggesting this will work for everyone, but it refreshes me, much like naps for other people, which unexpectedly gets me back on topic.

Whenever I wake up from a two hour or less nap I always feel more tired than I did when I took the nap. I used to have my schedule where I would get home from class at about 12:30 then I’d eat and try to nap and I’d get about two hours of sleep before I had to leave for class again, and every single time I went to class extremely tired. In fact about four or five times (which technically should have led to automatically failing the class but the teacher didn’t really care) I missed the class because I was too lazy to get up from my nap. I should have learned that I wasn’t a good napper, but I loved it. Well actually I just loved sleeping in general. But it’s a cruel love, because at least once a day I have to be torn away from it, and it’s horrible. It makes me wish I had a wife so I could say, “it’s like once a day some stranger breaking in my house and kid napping my wife, except that I wouldn’t mind,” zing! (Lame) I needed an ending.


About Danniel

This entry was posted in The Music List and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to #43 Masturbate, Procrastinate, Repeat and Relax

  1. Anonymous says:

    well bravo to u man arent u ashamed !

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