Not Review: The King Of Kong, A Fistful Of Quarters (Netflicks it)

If you go into this movie expecting a straight documentary about video games I would say you’ll be disappointed except for the fact that the greatness of the movie will shroud and destroy the disappointment before you ever notice it was there.

I was expecting a video game documentary, and I wasn’t looking forward to it all that much. I’m not a huge video game geek – not using geek in a defamatory way. I used to play a lot more video games when I was younger. I used to fake being sick so I could stay home playing Perfect Dark, or the Final Fantasy games, or The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time – personal fave –  or many other games, all of which rotted away anything I ever knew about Christopher Columbus and how he floated around the deep blue sea in 1843. But as I grew older and became aware that videos weren’t helping, and in fact were hurting, my chances of getting laid I decided to stop playing them, unless with friends – the true reasons were I wanted to write more, which had been a passion of mine for a while but after high school I really started to love, but I didn’t get much writing done when I was playing Madden 12 hours a day.

I only watched this movie because Chris and Chris (Hardwick and my friend Gonzales) said it was good, and I figured it would be light hearted and something I could have on while also focusing on other things. You know, I could fold some clothes, tidy up the room, watch Parks and Recreations, or nap and I could look over at the screen and be like, ‘whoa, that nerd just pwned that other nerd.’ (pwn is apparently humiliating your opponent). But napping would not be acceptable, for as with any good movie my attention was pulled in.

I can’t write about the movie. I tried and I just can’t. I’ve deleted a lot of description and a whole lot of bad jokes. All I can say is that it’s an emotional movie. It’s a good verses evil movie. It’s a movie that if at the end all you think is ‘why do these losers care so much about video games’ then you missed the point (Ann Hornaday).

I’m such a hypocrite in that I’m the first to tell someone that they shouldn’t care what someone else thought about a movie or TV show or book or whatever and that they shouldn’t argue with them if the person didn’t love it like they did, yet that’s all I ever do. After watching or reading things I like to go online and read what other people thought about them, and the only plausible reasoning I can imagine I do this for is because I like to get upset, and even though I can’t argue with them – I mean I could but I’m really not a fan of leaving comments on people’s blogs if I disagree with them strongly – I compose arguments in my head for all the reasons they’re wrong, and most likely mentally challenged, and no one will ever hear these arguments but me.

As I was thinking about this I wondered why I don’t turn those arguments into blogs, and I think the main reason is because my arguments are mostly ‘you’re stupid’ and ‘go suck a cow’s utter,’ so they’re not entirely constructed well. But also I generally come around to my idea that people shouldn’t care what other people say about the things they love. Frankly if someone doesn’t love Newsradio there’s no use arguing with them because they’re just a big doodie head. But also I realize people see things differently, and just because someone says they don’t like someone I do it doesn’t invalidate the goodness I found in it. Where on the contrary if I don’t like something someone else does I will use my words to methodically invalidate every ounce of goodness that person once found in it. I kid of course. I hate many things in this world, but I don’t find too much joy in breaking down all the reasons those things suck. I guess I do, but at the same time I realize some people do find joy in them, and what right do I have to tell them the thing they like sucks? If the thing is harmful to them then I suppose I have some ground to stand on, but most of the time the thing isn’t harmful.

I didn't know Colin Farrell was sober for six months.

It’s become commonplace to make fun of Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber fans. I once did a podcast with my aforementioned friend Chris where we talked about Justin Bieber and it was basically us making fun of him, albeit if I say so in a more clever way than many others, but it’s not something I’m proud of. He’s a kid for God’s sake. If you gave me a microphone at sixteen I can guarantee you I would make horrible music. We don’t have to rip him apart just because millions of people love him. And look at the people who do love him, they’re teenage girls. Think back at all the bad decisions you made when you were a teenage girl. And if you’re a male then imagine for a second you’re a teenage girl and think about all the bad choices you’d make. Hey, no jerking off! The point is that Justin Bieber may make bad music but that’s no reason that we have to constantly attack him as a person, especially when if he is bad as soon as he gets older and his fans get older he won’t stick around anymore unless he has talent. Look at ‘N Sync, they were huge when I was younger, but now one’s selling real estate, one’s gay, two are dead and Justin Timberlake’s the only one who continued to have success in the industry, despite the fact that I’m sure many people made fun of ‘N Sync – two aren’t really dead and I have no idea if one’s selling real estate.

I never recall what my overall theme is. I guess what frustrates me is reading reviews that just bash something and don’t even take into account the people that would like the product they’re reviewing. I hate horror movies, almost all of them, but I realize there’s a lot of people out there who enjoy horror movies, so if I watched a horror movie I wouldn’t call it horrible just because I hate horror movies, I’d just say that I didn’t like it, and that anyone who did like it obviously abused cats as a child. Kidding.

So I’m just saying…what the hell am I saying? I think I slowly deviated from what I wanted to talk about. The points are that we shouldn’t care what other people think about the things we love or hate, and at the same time we shouldn’t go out of our way to blatantly spew hate on something just because we didn’t like it.

Anyway I strongly recommend that you see The King of Kong, especially if you hate video games, because then I think you’ll be especially surprised at how much you enjoyed the movie.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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