Not My Post Of The Week #1: Let’s Talk About Sex Babies (no babies included in post)

I’m essentially stealing ideas for my own benefit, or at least that’s how I’d like to look at it. I read a few blogs regularly, and then there are a few more that I go to every now and again, and then every once in a while I’ll read some new blogs to see if I can find any I like, and with all this blog reading it got me thinking, while I’m running short on ideas and using the same ten masturbation jokes over and over again why don’t I write some posts kind of in response, but not really in response at all, to some blog posts I read that make me think, or at least that allow me to come up with a mind numbing eleventh masturbation joke? So I’ve had that idea for a little while now, and I’m finally going to start doing it, and this is probably the first one.

This might make more sense later

So I was lying in bed tonight, having trouble writing, as usual, when I decided to catch up on some blog reading. So I went through about the 50 most recent comments I received and opened a new tab to each person whose blog I haven’t read in a little while – if you leave a comment on my blog I will without a doubt read your blog and probably leave some comments, and that’s not a way to try and get you to leave comments onmy blog because if you’re reading my blog the chances are you discovered it when I read your blog and left comments there. Most of the people hadn’t posted anything since I last checked, but one person had a new post with a title that certainly caught this 23 year old’s perverted eyes.

“Okay Boys, Lets Talk Sex” is less sex talk and more talk about having the sex talk with kids, written by Maria, yes, that Maria, but in case you’re out of the loop it’s the Maria from the blog Maria’s Random Rants. I’m not going to summarize it in great deal, partially because I’m extremely lazy, but also because I’d rather you just click the link and read it yourself and then come back to this post. Actually why do that? Just keep reading her posts and then you can come back here in a week or two or whenever you have some free time.

She talks about how she wants to be realistic with her kids when discussing sex, but not realistic as in describing sex in pornographic detail with them, as I’m sure we’ve all feared our parents might do, but rather realistic in knowing that they’re boys and have sexual needs and probably aren’t going to wait until marriage, and then give them a realistic point to wait for, like after they graduate from high school, and even then educate them on making sure they have safe sex with the right girl, not just some floozy, or as she so elegantly put it, “watch where you put your thingie, lest you wake up with creepy crawlies, an unexplainable rash, in an unplanned relationship with a nutso, or worse, an unprepared, unsuspecting father.”

Homer and Barney practicing safe sex

First off I want to touch on the waiting for marriage thing so many parents, especially religious ones, tell their kids to do. Unless the kid had religion forced down his throat, and therefore was outcasted in school from the normies who might use their secular ways to diverge the kid from his holy path, no one is going to wait for marriage. And let’s not forget good ole television, which if TV has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that once a couple gets married that’s when the sex becomes much more sparse. So why would I wait for marriage when marriage is the leading cause of death among sex drives? [By the way, I must admit that the line where I said if TV has taught us nothing else ‘and it hasn’t’ was stolen from Homer Simpson who said, “if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girl sport, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.”]

Secondly what I wanted to touch on, I think, is the high number of kids being born to young parents these days. Okay, I’m not entirely sure if it’s higher than it was in the past (seems like something worth looking up) but I am positive that to me it seems like more people around the ages of 16 to 23 are having kids unprepared than people were 25 years ago, conveniently before I was born and around to take data. Actually according to the statistics I just read at http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/USTPtrends.pdf, which is a website whose credibility I have no idea of, the pregnancy rates are considerably lower than they were 25 years ago. Well actually in 2006 they were lower than they were 25 years ago, but 20 years if you’re counting from 2006. In 2006 about 71 out of every 1,000 women aged 15 to 19 got pregnant, whereas in 1986, conveniently the year right before I was born so perhaps my mother is included in this numbers – although she probably isn’t because for one I was born in September which is the ninth month so there’s a good chance I was conceived in early January, and also there’s the little thing of this only including those from 15 to 19 and her being older than that – 106 out of every 1,000 women got pregnant. I call them women, but really at that age they’re girls. No offense to any 19 year olds out there who think they’re mature enough to be a woman. Hell it wasn’t until I was 21 that people stopped calling me a girl. Now I’m a boy. I can only one day hope to be a man.

I can’t account for these statistics. In fact there’s a good chance I’ll take them out of this post just so I can go back to making my original point about how everyone is a whore nowadays. However I can make a new hypothesis while still retaining my ability to consider everyone whores. As a 23 year old virgin I can now only get joy out of considering everyone but me a whore. It’s not admirable or anywhere near correct, but it’s what I’ve earned for spending all my weekends at home alone watching reruns of second rate sitcoms while everyone else is out whoring it up. Everyone except the married folks, because as we’ve learned they never get laid, unless it’s involving adultery. Oh TV you’ve ruined me forever.

Aw, how cute.

I do think teens were whoring it up in the 80s, but I’d still like to believe my generation whored it up more, but here’s the difference. In the 80s and early 90s and even 2000s (odd, jumped all the way from 80 and 90 to 2000) and of course still now, but not super as much as then, parents were mostly only pushing the abstinence thing. Telling kids not to have sex isn’t going to keep them from having sex, even if you tell them they might get diseases or knock up a gal or have to dodge calls from a girl who didn’t realize you were just using her. Pussy is too powerful. I say that exact phrase because I know a super religious guy in high school who accidentally knocked up his girlfriend and when discussing it with my ultra-cool science teacher he told us, ‘that’s the power of the pussy.’ – more on this religious guy’s situation in a second. And the same goes for girls. I know many of them want a knight in shining armor, and a guy who truly cares about them, but guys have evolved, not to the point where they’re actually chivalrous, or can garner real emotions for a sweet girl, but to the point where they can lie, lie, lie without any guilt. And scientists, undoubtedly guy scientists, have invented this miracle pill that can knock out a girl so while the guy is having fun she’s off in wonderful dreamland, later to wake up with no memory, so no harm no foul, right? Some guys are still old fashion though, and they use the honorable route of getting a girl to sleep with them by coaxing them into generous amounts of wonderful alcoholic beverages. So nobody is going to not have sex just because you tell them to, because when you get down too it girls are whores and guys are douche bags and when you put them together you get Jersey Shore.

Parents should realize that kids are eventually going to have sex, but if they did a good job raising the kid the kid will do it safely. Even two well raised 16 year olds are going to eventually have sex if they’ve been dating long enough, and even though I’m not a huge fan of 16 year olds having sex, I am a fan of two 16 year olds having protected sex, and having them really care about each other and not just being a random hookup. I think parents are doing a better job at realizing kids are going to do it. It’s in our nature, not just as humans but as mammals, and as soon as we hit puberty our junk is being magnetically pulled towards other junk. Hell the last batch of cats born here one of them came out with its penis already inside the other’s vagina, that’s how quick nature kicked in. Actually it turned out to be a bit of a deformity. They were Siamese Siamese cats attached at the pelvis. They weren’t Siamese cats, I just accidentally wrote it twice.

Those aren't suckers. In fact lore has it the sucking feels better when those aren't involved.

As time has gone on Parents have started to progress, and not just by trying to scare their kids into not having sex, but also informing them how to have sex safe, hopefully not in graphic detail. Plus birth control has advance. In the olden days they had condoms. But now science has taken leaps and bounds in birth control, with condoms that heat up and cool down for his and her pleasure. Kids are more knowledgeable about the various kinds of birth control, and learning about it at younger ages. They have birth control pills with Hello Kitty decals on them. The birth control pill that says, ‘not only am I a young whore, but I’m up to date on the latest cartoon craze.’ I envy them, while here I am stuck with my blue’s clue’s condoms.

The advancement and awareness in birth control and safe sex isn’t the reason for teens having sex. The advancement in internet pornography is. Although I’ve probably watched as much internet pornography as the next three guys combined and I’ve yet to have sex. In fact I’m kind of content to stay at home jerking off on Saturdays rather than hitting the clubs and repeatingly being turned down only to come home and jerk off to internet pornography.

I said I was going to touch more on that religious guy who knocked up his girlfriend, and so now I will touch on that some more. Even though having sex was against whatever specific version of the Bible he studied he still had it, but because using a condom was also against that specific religion he didn’t use a condom. Really? If there’s one time to go all out in breaking some religious rules that was the time. I pray to the God I don’t believe in but still blame for him knocking up his girlfriend that he didn’t in the moment think it would be okay to break the no sex rule but in order to not anger the lord too much he better not break the no condom rule. That’s like a criminal saying, “well I just killed this guy, but I better not take his wallet or else I might get 20 years to life plus an extra three months.” Wait, I have an even stupider situation to compare it to. That’s like a religious guy breaking the rules by having sex with his relatively new girlfriend before they’re married but in keeping with his faith not using a condom. Wait, never mind. How stupid of me. That scenario is just too unbelievable to have ever happened.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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2 Responses to Not My Post Of The Week #1: Let’s Talk About Sex Babies (no babies included in post)

  1. Danniel, thank you thank you thank you for the pingback. Much appreciated. Now onto your post. Ironic that the first time I found your blog I couldn’t help but note you mentioned ‘masturbate’ more than half a dozen times in one post alone. I thought you were hilarious then, but the more I read your posts the more apparent it becomes just how clever and charming you are underneath all the dark humor. (If you’re ever asked to describe yourself don’t forget those adjectives – clever and charming. If anyone tries to dispute, give me his address and I’ll fix that in a jif.)

    In any case, I’m completely pleased my post lead you to write your own post on a few other sex related topics. I’m glad it made you think. Yes, I do believe right. your generation has become much whorier than mine, or my parents era for that matter. Your mention about the super religious guy who said,”that’s the power of the pussy,” had/has my LMFAO. But, this line by far is my favorite,”I’m not a huge fan of 16 year olds having sex, I am a fan of two 16 year olds having protected sex.”

    Well done, buddy!

  2. I am extremely impressed together with your writing abilities and also
    with the format in your blog. Is this a paid subject matter or did you customize it yourself?

    Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to peer a nice blog like this one today..

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