This is one of my favorite titles for a song solely for the fact that I love saying it. Like my mom will walk into the kitchen seeing me make food and be like, ‘Why are you making a peanut butter and syrup sandwich with waffles?” And my simple response will be, “You know how I do.” And it’s the end all be all of discussions. Anytime someone questions what you’re doing just be like, ‘you know how I do.’ Although it doesn’t work so well when the police are questioning why you were jerking off in the theater while watching Yogi Bear in 3D.
It was Peewee Herman who got in trouble for jerking off in a movie theater (Paul Reubens actually) I guess it would have been extra weird if he had went dressed as Peewee Herman. I argue it would have been so surreal to the point that everyone would have simultaneously thought they were just imagining it, even after he finished his business, I can only hope into a bucket of popcorn.
I was doing some light investigating into this Peewee Herman matter – by light I mean I read less than 20 words of three different articles – and from what I can gather it turns out he was jerking it in an adult movie theater. You can’t jerk off in an adult movie theater? What is the world coming to? Or perhaps the better question is what isn’t the world cuming to? (Lame joke). I don’t want Peewee Herman (it’s Paul Reubens) arrested for jerking off in an adult movie theater. I want the people in the theater who aren’t jerking off arrested. I know it sounds in jest, but I’m semi-serious.
I use porn for two things and only two things. The obvious of the things is as a tool for helping achieve success in the field of masturbation. The even more obvious of things is to shame my penis. Kind of like how a mother shames her kid by talking about how great of students her nieces and nephews are. Or did your mothers not do that?
The point is that I don’t trust people who enjoy porn as they would enjoy any other kind of entertainment, excluding stripping which I include as extra soft core pornography. Why in the world would I want to watch something that’s going to arouse me sexually when I’m in a situation that I can’t relieve myself of that arousal? I can only assume that with strippers every guy imagines that one day one of them with be attracted to them and sleep with them, or at least jerk them off in the alleyway. I hope to God they don’t go knowing they’re going to spend a couple hours throwing their money at these girls who have no intent but to get as much money as they can out of them and then the guys will go home and jerk off to the image compiled in their brain from an hour ago of them throwing money at these girls. But enough about porn and strippers and salad (salad?) I was thinking about salad for some reason (tossing salad) no, the slightly less unappealing salad.
“So sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick. We’re both such magnificent liars, so crush me baby I’m all ears.”
I love that second sentence. I love it so much I almost thought about putting this song ten spots ahead on the list just now. I love it so much that I can’t even think what to say about it. I just love the arrogance of him telling the assumed her to say whatever she wants and he’ll listen to each and every word knowing it doesn’t mean a thing. I want to get in an intense argument with a girl someday just so I can smugly say, ‘We’re both such magnificent liars, so crush me baby I’m all ears.’ And then she’ll slap me, causing my head to tilt the left, as she slapped me with her left hand, and then I’ll straighten my head and stare into her beautiful eyes, and then I’ll kiss her softly, and she’ll pull back and slap me, again with the left hand, her dominant hand, and I’ll leave my head bowed to the side, in shame, until she grabs it with both hands and turns it to face her, and we stare, trapped in a second which lasts an eternity, and then she kisses me deeply as I slowly walk her to the bed and lie her down on it, and as I slowly slide my hand up her leg and into her skirt she bites down on her lip, and then the director yells cut, and thus ends the first episode of my Soap Opera ‘We Are All Lusting Fools’.