#75 Surprise, Surprise by The Starting Line

Oh my God, I’m so tired. I’ll have to finish this later. I know I haven’t even started it, but still I feel you should know that I had plans of starting it earlier than I did. I can barely keep my eyes open, so writing this will have to wait until after I fall asleep watching that horrible show that is The Hills. I know the horrible show of today is Jersey Shore, but I’m about four years behind on the times so I haven’t made it to the horribleness of today’s culture yet, but instead just started watching shows like the hills and listening to music like James Blunt. I can’t wait for two years from now when I can finally start listening to Katy Perry, and by listen I mean pretend to listen while I watch her boobs bounce, which reminds me.

Okay, maybe a select few guys are looking at her mouth.

I was watching this Proactive commercial with her in it [Proactive being the acne cream that apparently all the big stars use] and she was talking about how she had all this acne near her mouth and how that’s where the microphone is so everyone was looking there, and then I immediately paused the screen, laughed, stopped masturbating, and said, “I’ve got news for you darling, no one is staring at your mouth, everyone is focused on those two fun bags about to fall out of that Barbie sized dress you’re wearing.” And then I quipped, “Take that, Bruce Valance.” And then I wondered who Bruce Valance is.

While writing that I missed a huge Heidi and Lauren fight. Thanks a lot writing, you made me miss more drama between spoiled brats.

So I guess I have to finish writing this even though it was started two days ago. Yeah, so that nap I was going to take was actually a short nap, for me – only two hours – but for whatever reason I didn’t get back to writing. I think I know the reason, but it’s personal, so I’d rather not get into it – I actually do get into it a little in another post I’m not sure if I’ll post, wait, if I don’t post it should I still refer to it as a post? I guess I’m just going to mention a few things about the song and that’ll be it for the post. You ever think about how much better ‘that’ll’ sounds than ‘that will’? Say it. Go on, just say it. There you go. That’ll sounded so much better, right? I love when you guys agree with me.

“I’ll let you go call all your friends, “Oh my God! Let me describe to you this guy, his name is Ken, he’s in this band that writes such awful songs about me all the time.” You’re goddamn right!”

The girl on the left is cute as hell and nearly perfect. The girl on the right just has big boobs.

That’s my second favorite part of the song. I love that he makes no bones about writing awful songs about her. And not only that, but he doesn’t just acknowledge it, he’s emphatic about it. I’ve mentioned before that somewhere around 90% of everything I do is motivated by my desire to prove something to a girl, particularly girls who don’t like me anywhere near as much as I like them. I was once really depressed one night because this girl I loved had put up a new picture of her and her boyfriend (boyfriend at the time that this, but that was like 3 ex’s ago) and they looked all lovey dovey or some crap and I just hated it and stared at it for minutes (creepy, I know) and was super depressed and then I said, ‘fuck this, I’ll show them,’ even though I’m pretty sure the guy had, and has, no idea who I am. And what proceeded was one of the most productive nights of my life. And that’s when I decided that in order to be successful in life I needed to print out four copies of that picture and hang one on each wall in my room so I’d constantly be motivated. I of course didn’t do that because it’d be creepy, and also I determined that knowing myself that kind of motivation would quickly turn to depressive suicidal contemplations, which as we all know are counterproductive…unless you’re trying to commit suicide, which I don’t condone by the way.

“All be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I can’t afford to make another mistake like you.”

That’s the beginning of the chorus, but it’s the last time you hear the chorus and one important word has been changed. It was previously, ‘I can’t afford to make another mistake like this.’ I love the change to ‘you’ and how he yells it to make sure she knows the mistake wasn’t just ‘this’ but that it was specifically ‘you’, you being her. Also I like the idea of enemies on Earth being friends in Hell. “Listen Jill, I know you fucked my best friend, not once, not twice, but 46 times. And I know I hated you, and said some pretty awful things to you, that you deserved by the way. And I wrote all those horrible songs to make you feel bad. And on your wedding day when the Priest asked if anyone had any objections I stood up and objected on account that backstabbing whores shouldn’t be allowed to marry. But I say we put all that behind us now, and just be friends again. I mean this is eternity in Hell afterall, why not enjoy it?”


About Danniel

This entry was posted in The Music List and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s