#96 – Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New

Quick addendum which I promise will be quicker than the quick tangent coming up later in this blog:

This song should be considerably higher on my list (at least ten spots) but because I ended up writing a little too much when I wrote for the original song that goes here before I even mentioned the song or the artist I didn’t want to make it a really long blog and instead decided to put what I wrote with a song I didn’t have too much to say about. I love Soco Amaretto Lime and I love Brand New and since Brand New will be featured a lot on this list I’ll have plenty of opportunities to mention things about them. Also the advantage of this is that I make mention of Brand New before getting into the 70s, which means they will be more spread out on the list than before. My hopes are that no band appears more than twice in a ten song span, excluding once we get in the top 20 when it looks to be made up of mostly four bands. But hopefully you’ll enjoy the song, and also my talk of nothing that has to do with the song.

Quick addendum ended.

Finally I’m back to semi-productivity after three days full of complete laziness covered in a well overcooked, thick mess of disappointment sauce. Not very much disappointment for me, considering you must get your hopes up first in order to be let down. I however had high hopes for Nathan this week. It started off with great news because he told me he had went out with his co-workers to a bar in celebration of one of them (not Nathan) quitting their job, and a girl who we learned was drunker than she was hot gave Nathan her number.

First of all, no, calling her drunker than she was hot is not a put down. It’s clearly a compliment of how much alcohol she can consume and still get out the statement “Hey, you’re cute, you should have my number, and by the way my place is just around the corner,” and still manage an understandability of a B minus. Apparently Nathan didn’t get the signal of ‘my place is just around the corner,’ as ‘I’m easy when drunk, now’s your chance to do me before I sober up and cross my legs.’ In Nathan’s defense he was super drunk too, so we should cut him some slack, and also give him credit for not making the mistake so many guys often do by sleeping with a chick that seems so much hotter than she does when you wake up sober next to her.

Quick little tangent: I don’t agree with this ‘regretting having slept with the ugly boy/girl’ thing. I only agree with it if the hotter member fears the uglier person really likes the hotter member and now the hotter member has to tell the uglier person that they don’t have feeling for said uglier person. As opposed to the compassionless regretting of the hotter member (usually a guy in this situation) fearing that all their friends will find out about the situation and make fun of the hotter person mercilessly for it. I also contend that this is a large portion of the reason guys don’t hook up with ‘less attractive’ girls more often. And actually I think this goes for girls too, but somehow they manage a way to ignore it more often. People want to be with a person other people are going to jealous of.

I prey to God this is why celebrities are so appealing, because as much as they are beautiful, they are so fucking uninteresting in personality. And by the way, not that beautiful. If I had to list my top ten most attractive people in the world I think maybe only half of them with be celebrities, or people widely known or whatever you want to call them. But I may be bias. I tend to have a higher physical regarding of girls when they have great personalities. Let me blow my own dick for a second – how I wish that sentence was meant on more than just a metaphorical level. I like that quality about myself perhaps more than any other quality I have, which I admit there aren’t that many good ones to choose from (your inability to give yourself any credit) that will lead to the death of me. I once liked this girl a lot in high school and I thought she was great looking and it was only later in life when I discovered I didn’t really like her personality that I discovered she wasn’t that great looking. This also happened to an extent with Angela but different circumstances so it’s confusing. Before I knew her personality that great I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in person (a statement that holds up…almost). But the first time I saw her after she had allegedly called me a creep she didn’t look that great. Not even in the top 25 of best looking girls I’ve seen in person. I can only believe that it was all psychological based, which in a way is good. I’ll try to delve into this deeper someday, but until then back to why I think people shouldn’t regret drunkenly sleeping with an ugly person.

Both parties assumedly had fun. At the time of intercourse the hotter person probably wasn’t thinking, ‘oh my God, I’m so going to regret this tomorrow.’ And even if they were, so fucking what. People only do something they regret when at the moment they’re getting a good benefit out of it. The ugly person (let this person be a girl for this scenario to benefit the upcoming joke) get’s to be with an attractive person for the night, and the guy gets to cum on her tits, because she probably has low self esteem and will allow it and also that way she doesn’t get pregnant and then they really have something to regret. But seriously, hot people need to stop regretting sex with an ugly person. There are millions of us out there who suffer from virginity and would kill for sex with an ugly person, and many of us would make do with a goat. That’s gotta be why so many of these farmers are fucking livestock? You can’t tell me if they were going home with the cow at the bar they wouldn’t be fucking the cow in the barn.

Back to whatever the hell I was talking about: So anyway Nathan gets this girls number and he texts her on Saturday and she’s hanging with some friends at a bar and we decided to go because Nathan can get some action and I assumed ‘some friends’ meant lots of hot, slutty girls, willing to get down with a poor Jewish fellow from the inner city (you’re not Jewish) my giant nose tells otherwise. So we get to the apparently hipster bar and the cute chick Nathan got the number from isn’t so cute, and ‘some friends’ meant really drunk, gayer than gay guys, but not altogether terrible looking – If I was really drunk and anywhere close to gay I might have been swayed. One of the gay guys was somewhat compelling and gave Nathan way more attention then the drunk chick who gave him his number, and also forgot his name. And also one of the gay guys told me I’d have a great time if I came downtown with him. I don’t want to know what he meant, or why the next day I woke up in an ally feeling like my anus gave birth to a watermelon. So after a while it was assumed nothing would be made of the night and we called it quits and I explained to him how he can do way better anyway when in reality that was the closest he’ll ever get to a woman’s vagina again.

I’m kidding. He’d actually make a pretty decent Gynecologist in Romania if they ever go under communist regime again. Keep your fingers crossed Nathan


A link to the second part of me telling Chris about the girl I met at a bar, and also Chris talks about old man Chris seeing his penis.

About Danniel

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