My Newest Little Buddy

I haven’t written in a while. Well I write pretty much every day, but I haven’t written anything for a while with the intent of having other people read it. This is of course only being written with a half hearted attempt of having people read it, for it will only be posted on the vast wasteland which myspace has become, and wordpress which is very populated I believe, but I have no idea how anyone is going to see this other than that crazy Callan dude, who I think is Australian, or that Liana chick, who is quite the excellent writer and my favorite writer on wordpress. That was an unnecessarily long and most likely error filled sentence. My teacher has been telling me to shorten my sentences because often they become too wordy, and actually I find that I like the wordiness and for some reason I like it even more since finding out he doesn’t like it. Another common trait of mine, that I am absolutely sure people must hate, is that by the end of many paragraphs I seem to have lost any idea of what it was I was talking about when I started the paragraph.

I’m writing this on my tiny new netbook which I purchased for the sole purpose of having no other purpose than being a third computer in my room. I now realize that this was a product of fate, and the netbook will be useful in many endeavors, none of which will actually be of any use in my life of course, and also I don’t believe in fate. The most recent useless endeavor I’ve discovered for my tiny little netbook is writing. Ed Begley Jr. be damned, I’m using two computers at once and wasting massive amounts of energy. The idea is that now I don’t have to constantly flip back and forth between things while writing. I can keep this word document open on this little guy while I do all my other stuff on the bigger screen. One might ask why not just use one computer and only focus on that one thing at a time? And it’d probably even make your writing better since you’d be focusing on it more. Well I would respond to one with, “shut the hell up, One.” I can’t work like that. I have to constantly be multitasking, unless I’m lying on my ass watching reruns of Arrested Development – that I can do without having to do anything else. But this way I can do my other crap on that larger computer and when I go back to writing I just turn slightly to the left and type on this little fellow.

Also this tiny little screen comes with a huge advantage when watching porn. Sure all the huge plastic fake boobies, that God knows I love so much, are smaller, but also the penises are much smaller, which is the biggest ego boost I could ever ask for. Also, I think being on the cover of the Wheaties box, which is a coveted spot given to only champions, would boost my ego since I am widely considered one of this world’s biggest failures at life (and being deemed a champion by a cereal would make you feel better how?) I like the idea of people staring at my face when they eat breakfast. Sometimes I spend my entire day purposely sitting across from random people at IHOP and I don’t move until they at least make eye contact. Sure it’s creepy, but that’s the life of someone who gets self conscious when he sees penises on screens bigger than 12 inches. How’s that for wrapping up a paragraph with the same topic as how I started it? It will be the last time I ever do that. And in the future I probably won’t point it out. Except of course I will.

Chris and I talk about some things on our Closer To Clarity podcast


About Danniel
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2 Responses to My Newest Little Buddy

  1. lianamerlo says:

    Holy hell, Batman. I just saw this, and thank you!

    Of all of the blogs I read, yours is the only one that makes me laugh out loud every single time. It’s so disturbing, I loves it. In a world of such serious people, it’s a relief to read about a computer screen that alters the size of penises and fake boobs.

    I truly hope you sit across from people at IHOP and stare at them. Brilliant. I think I’m the type of person who knows if someone’s watching, I’d either get very self-conscious or I’d start smearing butter and syrup on my face for the shock humor.

    • Danniel says:

      Well I’m really glad I make you laugh every single time, although I’ll continue to believe that you’re just saying that to be nice, possibly in an attempt to get me to sit here for days on end staring at the wonderful compliment hence keeping me from writing which allows you to not have to read anymore of my crap for at least a little while.

      I continue to be really bad at accepting compliments. I should learn to say thank you.

      If you started smearing butter and syrup all over your face I’d either be disgusted and leave or immediately fall in love and wisp you away to some exotic island where we’d live in my treehouse mansion with monkey butlers.

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