I just got back from the store (and why are you blogging about it?) well let me get to the point will you (let’s be honest, we both know there will be no point) there will, it just doesn’t necessarily have anything at all to do with me going to the store (well do us all a favor and make this quick) everything I do is ; ) Is that a winkie face? (I have no idea). So I went to the store because I needed chips. Not wanted, but needed chips. I’m not like you humans where I want things I don’t need. If I want something it’s because I’ve been engineered to need it. Hence my 2 o’clock craving for chips meant I needed chips immediately or else the likelihood of me dying would be increased to nothing from slightly less than nothing. But more importantly I would bitch all day because I didn’t have chips. So I went to the store to buy the chips I so desperately needed.
When I got to the store and grabbed the chips and went to the counter, with coupon in hand, I watched as the multiple cardboard cylinders of chips got rang up – cardboard cylinder container for chips should be a dead giveaway that I bought Pringles, which by no means is my favorite but they’re cheaper and I had a coupon for them. So after the lady rang up the chips the price seemed to be adequate and perfectly acceptable to me, but the pregnant lady saw the coupon in my hand and asked me for it. So as any normal person would do I handed her the coupon so she could make sure I was getting the right price for the chips. Wait, no I didn’t. I protested that the chips were already rung up correctly and the coupon had already been accounted for. I thought this because at Walgreens – which is where I happened to be because of its convenient location next to my household and my inability to drive a car which meant I had to walk everywhere – they usually have it so when items are rung up the coupons in their little coupon paper are already accounted for, but the pregnant lady wasn’t so certain.
So the pregnant lady rudely demanded that I give her the coupon by saying, “I just want to make sure you’re getting a good deal.” So in the spirit of Gandhi I spit on the coupon, rubbed it on my bare ass and then handed it to the lady (if that were true, which it most certainly is not, why would you spit on the coupon before rubbing it on your ass?) Because the spit will help make my ass stench stick to the coupon. But really I just handed her the coupon and looked away to avoid making eye contact when she would punch it in the computer and realized it had already been automatically accounted for and her face would turn rampant with embarrassment, much like when Ashley Simpson got caught lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live, but this time the embarrassment couldn’t be covered with a funky looking jig type dance, and no apology would be able to rid the pregnant lady of the shame that would assuredly be entrenched in her genetics and passed on to her child and forever be synonymous with the future family heritage.
“You saved 54 cents,” the pregnant lady said smugly after entering in the coupon. If she wasn’t pregnant I swear to God I would have slapped that bitch back to China. That’s not racist because she wasn’t Chinese. She was some other kind of Asian (that would arguably be more racist if it were true) okay she was white. I was just under the impression that slapping someone back to China was an expression that could be applied to anyone free of racism.
I really said, “you win,” and then I didn’t say, but I wish I had said, “I’ve now been embarrassed at Walgreens, Fred Mayer, Wal-Mart and Costco. Safeway here I come!” After things happen I always replay them in my head and think of all the better things I could have said. Anyway the point of this story is that I have a couple new podcasts up at my website and I just wanted to let you know but I would have felt guilty if I just posted a link to the podcasts without actually writing something (you’ve wasted everybody’s time) but most importantly I’ve wasted mine.
This is a link to a podcast of me talking to my Canadian friend from most likely Canada about Canada and the Olympics being held in Canada and a few other things. It’s quite okay, but don’t take my word for it, I have a direct quote about it from someone who you’ve never even heard of: Chris said, “I actually found the podcast with Andreanne to be compelling. As someone who listens to a lot of podcasts, that was the first one of yours that sounded like a regular podcast.” So see, this Chris guy I may or may not have made up seemed to enjoy it, so maybe you will too, but probably not.
This is a link to a podcast of me and David talking about deadly foods and I also make mention of a weird dream I had merely hours before recording the crappy, I mean wonderful podcast episode.
And this is a link to a podcast done by Quy and David where they talk about anime. I listened to it and I didn’t fall asleep. Okay so right now I’ve only listened to half of it and I listened to that half while I was watching college basketball but I’m going to listen to the second half at some point and if you like anime then at least give it a try or at least leave them a comment telling them you liked it even though you didn’t even listen to it. Pity them please. But first pity me!