As of the last couple of years my “depression” has been a topic sometimes brought up by my friends but never fully talked about – I put depression in quotations because I’m not sure if it really is a depression or not, I mean I’m depressed at times but I don’t know if I’m really clinically depressed, but more on that later perhaps. As of late my depression has been a topic often brought up and almost thoroughly dissected by my friends. I’m not sure why, but it might have something to do with the last week being quite depressing for me therefore leading to me hinting in my blogs that I might be depressed. My friends are quite the Sherlock Holmes and managed to read my blogs and put the words “I’m” and “depressed” together to form “I’m depressed” to which they came to the conclusion that I must either be depressed or accidentally wrote depressed instead of masturbating again. Anyway a few days ago I wrote about David and Quy may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year, possibly to the point where they needed to intervene, and this led them to leave comments on my blog – because we don’t see each other in person very much anymore which is quite depressing, but not severely – in which they both clarified their true feeling about may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year. I found David’s latest comment interesting and there are some things I would like to respond to and so I will, now.
David: “Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions. I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like? I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor. I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”
Let’s break this down:
“Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions.”
I went back and looked at my older blogs from before I posted on WordPress – okay I really didn’t but it sounds like I’m more prepared if I say I did. I remember that crap and it was the same crap I write now and just like the crap I write now it’s a bit misleading. Everybody gets really depressed for at least a few hours every once in a while, I think we can consider that normal. Many of my depressing blogs were written when I was having a depressed day. It wasn’t that I was constantly depressed everyday (except for a select timeframe: Mid December 08 and Late January 09) it was that I was depressed for a day or a few hours and that’s when I would write the blog and post it leading to Quy rightfully thinking I was more depressed than I really was, because if I’m posting a blog every couple of weeks about me being depressed it’s only right for him to assume I’m usually depressed, when the fact of the matter is that I go through ups and downs. And on wordpress it’s pretty much the same thing. A few depressing blogs every once in a while and then some blogs that are a failed attempt at humor, which if you think about it are much more depressing than the actual ones where I write about being depressed. So Quy has been reading about me being depressed longer than David has but I think it’s been a bit misleading, and let’s not forget that I’m a writer (not a real one of course) so I tend to exaggerate for my audience (apparently just Quy) to make things more exciting, and seem more important than they are. But I don’t blame myself nor do I think I’m a liar because in the moment that I write about being depressed and I write something to the effect of “I just want to sleep for the rest of the year and wake up refreshed with a clean slate of a memory” it’s not necessarily the truth (of course) but in that moment it’s how I feel. Let’s not forget that in moments of extreme emotion, whether happy or sad, we tend to exaggerate our feelings. It takes a while to sit back and think about something, or even not think about but just get some time away from it emotionally, to realize things aren’t as big as you’re making them out to be. Like when things didn’t work out with Angela and she wasn’t calling me back things seemed bad, although I never got too depressed, but as short as a couple weeks after finding out she called me ‘creepy’ I was almost completely over her. I only brought the situation with her up because last night I had a dream where her and Shane, who basically introduced me to her, were together as a couple, which is extremely odd because they did not get along so well. I didn’t know her long but I came to find out she’s very emotional and Shane doesn’t do so well with emotional people, which makes it all the more surprising that me and him have remained friends for so long, although we haven’t talked almost at all the past year
“I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like?”
When I read that I laughed possibly the hardest I have laughed in this entire twelfth of a year. First of all I would like to thank David for the compliment. No, hold on, it seems like he’s putting me down but there’s a compliment hidden in what he said. By saying ‘is this what people like?’ he was implying that he thought people liked my writing. So naïve that David fellow is. People don’t like my writing, and I’m not sure what would give you the impression that anybody would. It’s quite confusing (I’ll second that) and I basically just repeat the same small penis and masturbation joke over and over again, but of course you caught onto that…
“I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor.”
I don’t know how long we’ve known each other David, could be a year, could be a decade, but I figured by now that you’d have figured out that my type of humor is masturbation talk, putting myself down, and depression talk. Those things aren’t mixed in with my type of humor, those things are my humor. They say talk about what you know, which is why I talk about masturbation so much of course. No, the real reason is that I’ve found when you mention masturbation people either laugh or cringe, both of which are acceptable responses and further encourage me to keep using the word in as many ways as I possibly can. I talk about being depressed so much because when I am depressed it’s what I write about and that’s because it’s one of the only things I can do to make myself feel better. I can’t hang out with my friend because they all have their schedules and anyway I’m usually most depressed at night (midnight to five AM). So writing about being depress helps get it off my chest and it helps me feel better and if you notice I barely ever write any thing without some semblance of trying to be humorous in it, which is why I write when I’m feeling depressed because writing naturally makes me try and be funny which gets me in a better mood or at least distracts me from my shitty mood. For the putting myself down humor that comes from so many different angles I could write a whole freaking blog and possibly book on it, and I am so make sure and preorder it on Amazon come fall, you can read it on your Kindle if you’d like, but not the ipad, I’m anti-apple, both the company and the fruit – either I’m fucked up or society fucked me up, but now whenever I think or hear the word fruit homosexual comes to mind first. But anyway I’m running short on blog ideas, and really ideas in general, so I’m going to save writing about why I use self-deprecation for a future blog.
“I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”
I think I remember you (David) suggesting a thing or two, but I’m not sure why I didn’t heed your suggestion and instead decided to go with my usual dick and fart jokes. Wait, I might have a clue. I think it mostly has to do with laziness. When I write stuff that is actually about something, such as my post about the fuckers who passed Proposition 8 in California not allowing gay marriage to be recognized by the state, or ‘a post from the past’ which was an actual post from the past that I took from my myspace page and reposted on wordpress because it was quite possibly some of my best writing not comically speaking but rather for proving that those two C words – not cunts but cock suckers, I’d never say cunt – were not looking at all the facts and needed to delve deeper into the statistics and not just assume everyone is a racist because – and I didn’t mention this in the actual blog – there are real racists out in the world so lets stop focusing on people who appear to be racist, and not really racist but rather appear to be barely semi-racist, and instead let’s focus on the real racists out there and real racial injustices rather than talking about how there is such a higher percentage of whites on TV than there are blacks but forgetting to point out that even though there is a much smaller percentage of blacks on TV it’s still larger than the percentage they occupy in the United States, while Hispanics on the other hand make up a larger percentage than the blacks do in the United States but a way, way less percentage on TV than even the blacks do, but that wasn’t pointed out in the article by those two C words Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson – again C word refers to cock sucker not cunt, which I refuse to say – so while they’re saying race shouldn’t be an issue while casting people for TV shows they’re being huge fucking hypocrites because for one they’re making race a issue by saying more blacks need to be on TV when blacks already represent a larger percentage of TV characters than they do US population so it doesn’t seem like a big issue, and two they’re making race an issue because they’re choosing to talk about blacks not being on TV enough when Hispanics are on TV way less than blacks, so it appears they’re being racist and saying blacks not appearing on TV enough is more important than Hispanics who appear on TV even less than blacks. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t know Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson but they are hack writers. They get paid to write. That’s a fucking honor as far as I’m concerned. If they want to write about racial injustice on TV that’s great, they write for a TV magazine so it makes sense. But it doesn’t make any fucking sense for them to write about blacks not being on TV enough when another race is on TV even less than the blacks. Their article wasn’t about races not getting their proper spotlight on TV. It was about blacks not getting their proper spotlight on TV. That’s fucking bullshit. You can’t write an article about the TV industry being racist and then not make mention that you the writer are being racist yourself by fighting for a certain race even though there’s another race that is getting shafted more than the race you’re fighting for. It’s amateur, fucking amateur. I can get away with it. I’m a fucking 22 year old going to community college and living at home I can write about whatever the fuck I want and make all the terrible points in the fucking world because no one reads this shit. You, Jennifer Armstrong, and you, Margeaux Watson, are fucking embarrassments because you get paid to write, and you write for a magazine that has lots of readers, and you fight for a pseudo-injustice when they’re a bigger fucking injustice right in front of your fucking noses. Anyway the point I was getting at is usually when I write more in depth things like ‘a post from the past’ I write it a day or two in advance, whereas lately I’ve been writing most of my blogs an hour or two before I post them because I’ve been on a bad schedule and have to write them that quickly in order to abide with my ‘post a blog everyday’ resolution. And that means I go to my bread and butter with writing, which appears to be talking about depression, self-deprecation, and masturbation jokes. Quite the rage with the kids these days.
To be continued….