I’ve long wanted to write a blog once a week about something someone I know has suggested. I’ve done it a little in the past but not consistently. Anne suggested I write about how stupid it is when young people decide to get married, and I did that and I think it actually turned out to be one of my better blogs of last year. Chris suggested I write about why girls love traveling so much, and that blog turned out quite alright. But other than that I haven’t really wrote much based on people’s suggestions. I’ve been meaning for months now to write about why people say the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach, as suggested by that Asian girl I met over the internet that turned out to be a male homosexual cross dresser, but I can’t really find the energy to write about that, and yes, it may have something to do with him being a homosexual cross dresser, although honestly that doesn’t have much to do with it. The fact that he doesn’t read my blogs anymore and I haven’t talked to him in a few months has more to do with it. Although I often question why I continued to talk to him even after finding out she wasn’t a girl but rather a homosexual cross dresser? He was an interesting fellow.
Anyway I’ve decided that Fridays shall be dedicated to writing about suggestions I get from my friends or anybody reading this crap, so if you want me to write about a specific topic let me know. And if I get no suggestions than Friday will be nothing but ‘I masturbate a lot’ and ‘boohoo I have a small penis everybody feel bad for me’ jokes.
So today I was talking to Andreane, also known as The Canadian Chick – she was born and raised in Florida if I remember correctly – and I didn’t know what to write about today so I asked her what I should write about and she said clowns. I don’t know why she said clowns and I didn’t bother to ask but I did ask if there was anything specific about clowns she wanted me to write about and she said she wanted me to write about pedophile clowns. I don’t know why she said pedophile clowns and frankly I’m not sure I want to know, but now I’m obligated by my duty, what duty exactly I do not know but duty nonetheless, to write about pedophile clowns.
First I want to give a little background information on me and Andreane. She lives in Canada, hence the reason I refer to her as the Canadian chick, also I can’t pronounce her name right. She’s French Canadian so it’s pronounced all weird and shit like she’s a 16th Century French Princess or something. I met her about three months short of a year ago on the interweb in a myspace chatroom. I was in a myspace chatroom because I was at Quy’s house and him and David were playing the new street fighter game and I don’t like those fighting games, they promote violence. Okay so the real reason I don’t like them is because they always kick my ass at them. Okay that’s not true either. But if I did play them they would kick my ass. Anyway I was in the myspace chatroom and apparently so was she and she was laughing at all my stupid perverted penis jokes and we became myspace buddies. And since then we’ve had some nice conversations over the interweb, mostly concerning her and her conquests of nearly every boy in Québec. She’s not a whore or anything, it’s just every other boy to walk pass her can’t seem to keep himself from trying to get into her pants. Luckily she keeps a lock on her underwear. Now seems like the right time to start talking about pedophile clowns.
If you’re a pedophile being a clown is either a great job or a terrible job. It’s great because your job entails that you’re surrounded by kids because apparently kids love clowns, I don’t see why. So after a hard day of work, and I may mean that in more ways than one (how so?) because being surrounded by kids is going to give the pedophile clown an erection (why did I bother to ask?) we all make mistakes. But after the clown gets home from work he’s going to have all these great images of kids laughing, and playing around to, you know, think about while he does that one thing guys do so often. I don’t even want to mention kids and masturbation in the same sentence, you know unless I mention them just to mention how I don’t want to mention them. However at the same time it seems like punishment. The pedophile clown is surrounded by all those kids but he can’t do anything with them because their parents are around. Damn pesky parents always getting in the way of pedophile’s fun. So it just depends on what kind of pedophile you are. If you’re the equivalent of a guy who loves going to the strip club than being a pedophile clown is perfect, because just looking is enough. But if you’re the equivalent of a guy who needs a hooker than being a pedophile clown would be a horrible job. For me I can’t figure out what would be worst, being a pedophile or being a clown. They’re both disgusting things to be doing for a living (people don’t become pedophiles to make a living, and being a clown is nowhere near as bad as being a pedophile) if you’re a clown you’re basically one step away from being a pedophile. Any man who willingly chooses to take a job where he’s surrounded by kids I don’t trust. And being a clown is shameful in its own right anyway. Why do you think they cover their faces with paint? It’s because they don’t want anybody to know who they are. Both because they’re embarrassed of being a clown and embarrassed of the feelings they harbor for children. You show me a clown and I’ll show you were he touched me as a kid. I’ll give you a hint; it’s a naughty place.