I’m feeling like shit today. Not physically. Physically I just feel tired and super lazy, but that’s normal, especially for a Sunday. Mentally is where I’m not doing so great. My mental status isn’t normally terrific, but this past month has been pretty fantastic so I was getting used to feeling good on an emotional level, as opposed to constantly feeling worthless with mixed in spurts of masturbation where I just feel nothing, although the past half year while masturbating its become commonplace to wonder if there isn’t something more meaningful I could be doing with my time. I’ve started to do a great deal of self introspection during masturbating, which is insane because thinking about how the fuck I’m supposed to get where I want to be in life isn’t something I’d like to be thinking about while watching some chick with fake breasts go down on a guy with what I can only hope is a fake penis. I liked the olden days where I watched porn and would be thinking, ‘I wonder what her dad thinks about her career choice.’ If I have a daughter and I find out she’s doing porn I will be forced to commit suicide in a terribly embarrassing way, and there are three reasons why.
First of all if I found out my daughter was doing porn I’d never be able to get the image out of my head, even if I didn’t see it, my fucked up mind would fabricate some kind of sick and twisted scenario involving her, three guys, two girls, a donkey, and four rats, and then I would never be able to stop thinking about that, and I’m not sure I can live with that running through my mind all the time. Secondly I will have to kill myself because if my daughter does porn that will more than assuredly mean I have failed has a father, and that’s just not acceptable. And lastly, and this is where the killing myself embarrassingly part comes in, if I kill myself embarrassingly enough at family get-togethers sure enough everybody is going to be looking at her thinking she’s a pornstar and looking down on her, but then they’ll think about me and what a freak I was and how I killed myself in a bath of raspberry jam with fourteen dildos lodged in various places, and then her being a pornstar won’t seem so bad, and I figure that’s the least I can do for my little girl.
I’m a creepy guy. It’s not something I like, or try to do. It just seems to be one of those traits that keeps following me around. I’m not sure how to be not creepy. It’s my curse. I think I exude an exorbitant amount of a creepiness vibe, mainly directed at females. There are many, oh so many, things I hate about myself, but as of today being creepy is absolutely the thing I hate most about myself. I’ll admit it was a tough decision. I had many aspects of myself vying for the position. My penis was like, ‘come on pick me, look at me I’m so small. Oh wait you can’t look at me, you’d need a telescope. That’s right, not a magnifying glass, that’ wouldn’t be enough, you’d need a fucking telescope to see me, that’s how fucking small I am.’ My penis tends to never shut up. We have that in common.