So last night I talked to Leighton on the telephone. Why am I bringing it up here? Well nothing too interesting took place, other than pleasant conversation, but I didn’t know what to write about for yesterday’s blog, and I was running out of time to post it and keep my posting a blog everyday streak going, so I asked Leighton what I should write about, and she said, “You should write about how amazing I am.” I replied, “I can’t write a blog about how amazing you are. I’d have to write a book.” Okay, so I didn’t really say that, but I could have. That’s the kind of cheesy line I would say to a girl to try and get in their pants. Except if I was talking to Dyana. I really could, and possibly will, write a book about how amazing she is, and only half of my intent is getting in her pants. The other half involves her cooking for me for the rest of my life and mass cuddling.
I didn’t write about how amazing Leighton was yesterday (as you might have saw instead what was written was a short and extremely crappy post about mayonnaise and some kind of weird combination of sister and masturbation jokes). Despite Leighton’s best efforts I’m not going to talk about how amazing she is today either. Part of her amazingness is wrapped up in mystery, and I’m not going to spoil that. Instead I’m going to touch on some of the topics me and her talked about during our phone conversation.
Leighton doesn’t like dogs. She says the dog next door won’t stop barking and it’s annoying the crap out of her. That’s one of the things I liked about having a dog next door, when we had a dog next door. But the dog that used to be next door to me would only bark with good reason. If I heard the dog bark at two in the morning I knew the dog was sniffing a nearby rapist. And the dog never let me down. Sure enough after hearing the dog bark, like clockwork five minutes later there’d be a rapist on top of me. I said the dog was good at sniffing out rapists. It wasn’t good at scaring them away. While still on the topic of animals Leighton mentioned last night that she wants to buy an iguana. I find that prospect ridiculous on so many levels, few of which I’ll mention. Check that; none of which I’ll mention.
Often while talking to Leighton she’ll be watching a movie at the same time. Once she was watching 500 Days of Summer, which I sorely want to see. And last night she was watching Adam Sandler’s beloved classic, Spanglish. I haven’t seen Spanglish but if my memory serves me correctly Chris liked it, so that makes it the one and only thing him and Leighton have in common. I brought up the movies because often in the middle of conversation Leighton will yell, “shut up,” which means I have to be quiet while she watches 30 to 45 of her favorite seconds of the movie. It’s a weird quirk I suppose, but I’m usually quiet on the phone anyway so I don’t mind much.
This is the second time in a row that Leighton has called me during the show Modern family. The first time she called was halfway through the episode and unlike her I can’t really watch something while having a conversation on the phone so I ended up having to watch the remaining half of the episode on the interweb, which is where I watch a lot of my TV now anyway, especially sitcom-wise. This time she called while I was watching the rerun of the first episode at eight o’clock, but our conversation lasted past the new episode of Modern Family, so now I’m going to have to watch that on the interweb as well, most likely immediately after writing this, assuming I have the time considering I have to leave for school in two hours and I still have to finish my homework (which won’t happen) masturbate again (which probably won’t happen) finish this episode of Veronica Mars that I’m currently watching (that will probably happen and the masturbation could be worked in while watching it) Kristen Bell is cute but in the show she plays a teenager, which is becoming more and more of a turnoff as I get older. Also her breasts aren’t big and they’re extremely covered up this season. And lastly, and worst of all, her name sounds like christian bale. Oh and she’s going out with Dax Sheppard, who I hate but not as much as I hated him even just a couple of months ago. He’s charming I guess. And boy o’ boy is he ripped to shreds. Not that that makes me like him any more. In fact that should make me hate him more. Why doesn’t it?
Much more took place during mine and Leighton’s conversation, most of which I don’t want to mention because it’s personal. A lot of penis talk, mostly from her. You guys have no idea how true that joke actually is. I don’t know why but I tend to talk about penises with girls a lot. Not a huge amount of my penis (there’s a joke there). Mostly I talk about my disdain for penises, which is weird that my penis isn’t brought up more because my biggest penis disdain is for my penis. But actually maybe I do talk about my penis a lot. I mean I don’t really have a conversation about it, but if you added up the small penis jokes I’ve ever made about myself it would probably equal the same amount of length as World War 2, and not just the time the United States was involved.
Not the greatest joke to go out on but time is of the essence and I must be on my way and I still have to decide what to wear to school. Sweat pants are of course a must, but underwear or no underwear? No, not really. I always wear underwear. The choice is between boxers and boxer briefs. Vote now!