Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day, and in honor of him I will post a few of his quotes and say whatever comes to my mind after reading them. Also I will go the whole day without making any racist jokes (that seems like something you should be trying to do everyday). I’m a man not a machine. But if I were a machine I would hope I’d be an environmentally friendly machine that ran off the sun’s rays. Unless I was a black machine, then I’d run off chicken, watermelon and grape soda (I thought you said no racist jokes today) how was that racist? I thought I was just stating a fact? (You disgust me, sir). Never as much as I disgust myself.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”
My answer: almost nothing. Luckily I can live with myself because I do even less for myself. Throughout my life I have done very little in terms of helping others. In fact I would argue that my existence on this planet has been hurtful towards humanity. I’ve at least set back evolution a generation. But all jokes aside (those were jokes?) I’ve been thinking about the situation in Haiti a lot, I’m not sure why, it’s only been plastered all over television and the internet the past week. As I have stated previously I have done very little to help others. So this might be a brazen move, but I ask that you considered making a donation toward Haiti relief. But don’t send your money to one of those ‘charitable organizations’. Instead send your money to my house and I’ll make sure the money gets where it needs to be, which is in my pocket. But all jokes aside (you said that already, yet you continue with the bad jokes) whatever, I know you can’t all afford to donate much money. For example David’s got a cocaine addiction he needs to support. Also he owes six thousand dollars in child support for his five bastard children. Plus he owes the mafia ten grand for losing a bet on last years world series. He bet on the Portland Timbers not realizing they weren’t playing in the world series, and aren’t even a baseball team at all, but instead a minor league soccer team, but that kind of thing will happen when you’re a gambling addict. David has many problems. I’ve tried having an intervention for him but he’s barricaded himself in his house and stands on the roof in his underwear and anyone who steps on his lawn he shoots at. But all (if you say ‘jokes aside’ I’m going to kill you) the pretty houses wasn’t a great movie (terrible cover). I’m just saying come this weekend if you’re going to the movies how about instead you stay at home open a book, read it if you must, and donate ten bucks to Haiti relief. It might not make you feel any better. In fact it might make you feel worst. You might desperately miss the money and realized that’s money you could have put towards buying porn. And then you might contemplate suicide for the next hour and call a suicide hotline and talk to a nice young lad named Jerome who will convince you to put the gun down and take a nice warm bath with a cup of tea. I’m not speaking from experience by the way. Like hell I’d ever donate money towards anything good. But you should, because you’re good people. And don’t do it because it’s the right thing to do. Wait, that’s exactly why you should do it, because it’s the right thing to do. What the hell does ten bucks mean to you anyway? If it means the one meal you can afford to put on the table for your child a day, then that’s okay, you don’t need to donate any money. But if it means a trip to the movies, or a CD, or some weed, then I suggest you ask yourself how important that is to you and weigh that against helping others who don’t even have the luxury of wasting money every week on stuff they don’t even need. Martin Luther King Jr. died for his cause. You can’t tell me spending ten dollars to help people in need is too much to ask.
Well that ending wasn’t as impactful as I would have hoped, but nothing ever is.