My baby kitty Kilala is bulimic. Sure she hasn’t been diagnosed with the condition by an animal doctor (veterinarian) but I can see the signs. I give her food, she eats the food, five minutes later I find the food in the form of vomit on my possessions. Kilala has puked on my homework, my clothes, amazingly perfectly into my shoe, and many other places, but today she has gone too far. Kilala puked on my baby blanket! One of my most prized possessions. I’m sure when I was a child I must have puked on it on occasion, but that was different, that was baby puke, this was baby kitty puke, a huge difference, not only in texture, but in taste, at least I assume so. Now I must wash my blanket which I suppose isn’t necessarily a bad thing considering I haven’t washed it much. I’ve probably washed it the same amount of times as a person would wash their regular blanket. How often do people wash their blanket? I think the rule is every three months, or immediately after sex with a stranger. Anyway the blanket is in the washer at the moment, and without a doubt it will be clean by tonight and ready for some cuddling. No, I don’t make a regular habit of cuddling with my baby blanket. I’m just lonely and using it as a place filler until I get my Applecheese.
My two baby kitties are trapped in my room for a little while because my mom is crazy. No, my mother is not trying to eat the kitties, you confuse her with my step-dad. Rather my mother has trapped some stray kittens so she could take them to the animal doctor (veterinarian) and get them spayed and neutered and now while recovering they are running free throughout the house hiding under whatever they can find and no doubt pooping and peeing everywhere. My baby kitties, who are not actually babies anymore but I refuse to acknowledge the fact, can’t roam free in the house because they would most likely eat the stray kittens, seeing as one of my kitties is fat and eats everything and the other is a cannibal, and undoubtedly the cannibal, Kilala, would immediately puke out the kittens after eating them most likely in my underwear drawer filled with porno magazines. I am kidding, I do not have an underwear drawer filled with porno magazines, the internet has made magazines inferior. My underwear drawer is filled with underwear (well that sentence was groundbreaking) Hemmingway says “a sentence is still just a sentence no matter how great or weak it is” (Hemmingway never said that, did he?) No, I just made it up off the top of my head.