I would like to talk about shoelaces today. I know shoelaces are a very controversial topic so take everything I say with a grain of salt and try not to be too offended (what the hell are you doing?) I thought it would be funny if I went about talking about shoelaces as if it was a contentious subject (it wasn’t funny) well now I know that, but too late now. It has been written so it shall remain.
The past few days I have been wasting too much time trying to figure out what to write rather than just writing. So today I decided that I would pick a topic, and write about it, no thinking. My last few posts I spent much time thinking of a topic and my writing was supreme crap. So I figured if I picked a random topic quickly without thinking about it and then just start writing my writing will still be supreme crap, but at least I will not have wasted so much time choosing a topic upon which to write (‘upon which’ was clearly used with the sole purpose of sounding smarter) smarter? That would imply that I had some smarts to start with (my mistake). So far my exercise has worked brilliantly. I planned to write about shoelaces and instead I have written about why I am writing on a random topic, and I made a lame joke at the beginning that did not go anywhere near as good as I would have hoped, had I been hoping to start with.
People toss around the word brilliant way too often, not that I would know first hand considering no one has ever called anything of mine brilliant which is truly disappointing because nothing I have ever done was even good enough to be called brilliant, and things do not need to be that great to be called brilliant these days, but enough about my bitching, I am not really that piqued about nobody calling anything of mine brilliant, but rather I am just bitching in hopes that I will do it well enough for someone to consider my bitching ability brilliant. Anyway, I wish that people would stop using the word brilliant as if it were condoms. Or rather I wish people would use condoms as if it were the word brilliant, that way there won’t be so many damn kids running around shoving firecrackers up stray cats butts brilliantly displaying that they were raised by mentally challenged retards, one of which in a brilliant showcase of his stupidity decided that the pleasure of sex without a condom outweighed the possibility of getting a girl pregnant, but I don’t blame the guy, how can I, he thinks with his penis and his penis wants pure vagina without a latex barrier, and even if the girl gets pregnant it’s not his problem, he can just blow town, chances are he doesn’t have a great moral compass, his compass is his penis, and it’s pointing for more vagina, whereas the girl is now stuck with a nine month body issue complex that a four mile jog isn’t going to help, and even worst the baby is going to make it harder for her to get into a real relationship in the future because there are many guys who aren’t willing to raise a child that isn’t theirs, so I’m less surprise about the guy not using a condom, but my mind is fucking blown that a girl would have sex without some form of birth control. But anyway, in the sentence I used a form of the word brilliant twice, both incorrectly. Only use the word brilliant when something is fucking unbelievably great. dane cook isn’t brilliant (in fact he’s quite the opposite). Einstein is brilliant. Two and a Half Men isn’t brilliant. Arrested Development is brilliant. Ron Jeremy’s penis isn’t brilliant. Jenna Jameson’s vagina isn’t brilliant either, but it was before it was massacred by millions of oversized penises. Now you’re getting the hang of it. The word brilliant has been used so much it’s lost much of its meaning to me, and now I mostly only use it ironically.
(This blog was brilliant!)