The reason I choose to write updates on my four new year resolutions is so they stay fresh in my mind throughout the year. I find that most people state their resolution[s] at the beginning of the year and then forget about them a few weeks into the year. But not me, I plan to make it two or three months before I totally forget about my resolutions.
The writing has gone fairly well. Well the writing itself is crap, but the important part is I’ve been doing it everyday. The past few days I’ve been putting it off until later in the day, which is a little scary. I find myself sitting at my computer staring at the blank screen for an hour then deciding to jerk off or play weird random games on the internet I’m not quite sure what the rules to are. Also I somewhat embarrassingly spend an enormous amount of time in chatrooms, telling myself that something interesting will be brought up and I can write about that. But mostly it just ends up being me constantly making perverted jokes about masturbation or small penises, which also ends up being what I write about in my blogs. But again the important part is I’ve managed to write for however many days we are into this year. And like I’ve always said, it’s about quantity not quality. Unfortunately (on an unrelated note) my penis doesn’t fair well in either category.
The guitar playing has gone okay. In the first week I missed two days of practicing, but that still fits my goal of playing five days out of the week. The last couple days I’ve been practicing like mad, which unfortunately hasn’t left much time for my masturbation practice (but that’s a skill already perfected). My fingers are better conditioned and are moving around much easier and everything is starting to feel really smooth, but enough about masturbating, let’s get back to the guitar – I imagine if Chris was reading this he would have saw that joke coming. The hardest part is going to be learning how to read music and the names of the chords. It’s hard for me to sit still and try to learn anything (unless it’s the names of all female porn stars) you sir are a liar, I don’t know the name of any porn stars (watch this, initials L A) Lisa Ann! (See). Actually Lisa Ann is about the only female porn star I do know, well by name. I can identify many others by seeing their breasts or butt, or birthing hole, or face – as long as there’s a penis inserted in the mouth. I remember Lisa Ann mostly because she was the girl who played Sarah Palin in the Nailin’ Palin porn, which wasn’t good by the way, not that I watched it six times over or anything.
I was only able to take 12 credits this term, which is what I’ve been doing pretty much every term, but since I was getting a good amount of financial aid this year I could, at least financially, more than afford to take extra classes, but since there was a hold up in my financial aid and that put a hold in my ability to register, by the time I was allowed to register many of the classes I wanted to take were filled up, which meant I would have to settle for lesser classes, both in number and in quality, unless I was willing to sleep with the dean, who I think is a black man. I’m pointing out that he’s black, for one, because it proves my college is not racist, unlike your pretentious alma maters (I’m sure we have a lot of Ivy Leaguers reading this) although my college is a community college, so that might make it more racist to have a black dean, implying that black people can be deans of community colleges but not real colleges (what the hell are you talking about?) I don’t know, but also black guys have big penises, so I’m not willing to take that just in the hopes of getting a better schedule this term. Anyway, schools going pretty good, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to reach my goal of transferring this year.
My goal to perform stand up live has not been going so well. I have looked up one place to do it, but it’s on a Tuesday, which means I would be doing it after attending school for about eight hours, since I have all my classes on a Tuesday. Also I haven’t been writing any material in awhile. But don’t worry, it’s all up here (you can’t see him but he’s pointing to his head) they can’t see me? (This is writing, not a video) well that makes being naked a little less awkward, but still somewhat awkward considering my cats are staring at me. Okay, so I’m not really naked, but I really don’t like my kitties to see me naked. Whenever I’m changing in my room I tell them to look away. Sure they were already looking away, but that doesn’t hurt my ego in the least. Well maybe a little. I’m hideous! My kitties can’t even stand the sight of my naked body. I need to go have a good puke. Nah, I’m pretty skinny, but I think my lower back has gained weight. I’m not excited about it.