The other day I watched the movie the Watchmen. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to watching it, I just needed something to do to distract myself from the other things I was doing. You see I live my life one of two ways. Either I’m doing nothing, and by that I mean lying on the bed doing absolutely nothing at all. Or I’m in a constant state of multitasking, so much to the point that everything I am doing cancels each other out so it’s basically the same as doing nothing. For example I’m often watching TV, listening to music, writing, fucking around with the guitar making unbearable sounds, and thinking depressing thoughts all at the same time. But really while trying to devote my attention equally to each one I end up not devoting any attention to any, but rather staying in some kind of flux between being completely oblivious to everything I’m doing, and having my brain hurt. Anyway, what I think I’m trying to say is that I enjoy doing nothing, so rather then doing one thing and focusing my complete attention on that, I focus on many things so much to the point that I can’t focus on any of them at all and therefore am doing the equivalent of nothing, which means all is well in the universe (hmm, and what does this have to do with The Watchmen?) Well the only reason I was watching the Watchmen was so I could focus on more things and therefore really be focusing on nothing, which is the only way I can watch movies anymore, or so I thought.
So I was watching The Watchmen, the directors cut which is slightly more than three hours and I don’t recommend because I thought the movie was way too long and unnecessarily long. The story could have been better told in probably an hour and a half. But anyway – and don’t be worried if you haven’t seen the Watchmen because I’m not going to spoil anything, well maybe – there were a couple things that I took notice of while watching the movie. First of all before seeing the movie I had heard a lot about the blue thingy in the movie’s large penis. I didn’t find it that large. I’m by no means complementing myself here. I don’t judge other penises based on my own. If that were the case every penis would be worthy of porn compared to mine. I just mean that this blue guy’s penis was so hyped that I was expecting more. Sure it was a good size – although his balls weren’t impressive – but it wasn’t black pornstar big, and I was kind of hoping it would be (hoping?) I mean expecting, not hoping, why would I hope for such a thing, I’m not gay? (What’s with the question mark?) I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, spoiler alert, the blue guys penis, which you get to see a decent amount of times, is not super big, just pretty big, but you don’t get to see it at full glory, which is probably good because I would have wasted a huge amount of time getting out a ruler and measuring and then having to figure out some kind of scale of the scene so I could correctly convert the penis into the appropriate size to compare to mine.
Another thing that I realized while watching the movie was that I like watching bad movies. The Watchmen wasn’t necessarily a bad movie, and had it been shorter I might have considered it a good movie, but while watching it and wondering how it was going to end the whole time reminded me of all the times I’ve sat through really bad movies just to get to the end. Less than a week ago, or exactly just over a week ago, I watched the piece of shit movie Drive Me Crazy, starring Melissa Joan Hart. It was one of those millions of crappy teen movies made in the 90s or possibly early 00s. And even though I knew how it was going to end, and it was on one o’clock at night on TV which meant I had to sit through super crappy commercials, including many of which that were trying to entice me to call sexy local singles in my town – I won’t say whether or not those commercials worked or not, but I will say my phone bill is going to be rather expensive this month (when you say stuff like that I’m not sure people know you’re kidding) it’s funnier if they don’t know I’m kidding – I still through the whole piece of crap movie. For some reason I can just sit through extremely bad, cheesy movies, and I enjoy doing it (It’s probably that seeing something that crappy makes you feel better). Which is why more people should read my writing; it’d make them feel wonderful about their own writing.