I miss her so much. It’s been about a month. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days feel like weeks, weeks feel like months, and a month feels like suicide wouldn’t be that bad. Hyperbole of course, or at least I think or hope, but let us get serious for one moment if God wills.
I feel I have a good defensive strategy in case the situation arises where I might be raped, more specifically anally raped (probably didn’t need to specify). Because I am a male, and a mildly unattractive one at that, I do believe I am not at a great risk of being raped. But I must stay true to the Boy Scout motto, ‘please don’t fuck me in the ass,’ (it’s actually ‘be prepared’) that makes more sense. I must be prepared to not let anybody fuck me in the ass. I would like greatly to make it through life without anything penetrating my anus, and that is why I devised this plan in case the situation arises where my butthole faces great peril.
So let’s say I’m walking home at night all by my lonesome when all of the sudden a man jumps out of the bushes, wait no, he jumps out from behind a dumpster, and he pulls a knife out. So at this point I’m probably thinking I’m just getting robbed. So I say, “I don’t want no trouble man, here’s my wallet.” Sucker, I don’t have any money it in, just a bunch of credit cards, and I don’t even know how those work. But then he says, “I don’t want your money fool, I want to rape your ass, literally.” So now I’m thinking oh fuck I’m screwed, literally, but at that moment I don’t think the literally part, that was an afterthought. Lucky for me I have a plan that will protect my anus better than the Alamo protected the Jews (you don’t know much about history, do you?) I in fact have no idea what the Alamo or Jews are.
So the guy is holding a knife to me and wants to rape me, so what do I do? I pull my pants down. I know what you’re thinking: the sight of my penis will scare away the man just assuredly as it will scare away all women who may see it in the future. But no. After pulling down my pants I say to the man, “go ahead, I want you to do me.” Hopefully now you’re confused and aren’t thinking ‘Quentin seems like the kind of guy who would like to take it up the ass from a stranger.’ Because I wouldn’t like to take it up the ass from a stranger, nor a good acquaintance, but rather by telling the man I want him to do me I am accomplishing my goal and one of two things will happen. While raping involves sex, I think for most rapists – although I must admit I don’t know many – aren’t raping because they want sex necessarily, but because they want to take advantage of someone and be in control of the situation and hurt the person. So by telling the potential rapist that I would welcome sex I am taking all those things he might want to do away from him. So he may turn away, disappointed that he found someone who wanted sex instead of someone who he could victimize. Genius, I know. But what if he still wants to do things to my butt?
If the man is not disheartened by my seemingly allowance of him being able to do stuff to my butt then I have still accomplished one thing, and that is that I have shown him I am not hostel or a potential threat to him. He’ll most definitely let his guard down thinking he’s hit the jackpot and found some free homosexual action. But of course I’m not going to let this guy have sex with me… probably. As soon as he starts to take his pants off thinking he’s going to get some, or rather give me some, I’ll either run – not taking the time to pull my pants back up – or I’ll lunge at him dealing numerous blows to his penis – wow that sentence sounded gayer than I wanted it to. So see, I’ve develop the perfect way to keep myself from getting raped, in theory at least. I’ll of course have to practice it in real life situations before I get my brilliant defensive rape strategy down pat. Sure while practicing I may occasionally get raped but it will all be worth it once I really get into a situation when I might get raped and will then probably avoid it because of my numerous practicing (doesn’t the potential of getting raped while practicing to not get raped defeat the purpose) probably?
Nothing like writing about an outlandish topic to help ease my loneliness for her if only for an hour.