This is what I think about/ (the slash was supposed to be a question mark)

I miss her so much. It’s been about a month. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days feel like weeks, weeks feel like months, and a month feels like suicide wouldn’t be that bad. Hyperbole of course, or at least I think or hope, but let us get serious for one moment if God wills.

I feel I have a good defensive strategy in case the situation arises where I might be raped, more specifically anally raped (probably didn’t need to specify). Because I am a male, and a mildly unattractive one at that, I do believe I am not at a great risk of being raped. But I must stay true to the Boy Scout motto, ‘please don’t fuck me in the ass,’ (it’s actually ‘be prepared’) that makes more sense. I must be prepared to not let anybody fuck me in the ass. I would like greatly to make it through life without anything penetrating my anus, and that is why I devised this plan in case the situation arises where my butthole faces great peril.

So let’s say I’m walking home at night all by my lonesome when all of the sudden a man jumps out of the bushes, wait no, he jumps out from behind a dumpster, and he pulls a knife out. So at this point I’m probably thinking I’m just getting robbed. So I say, “I don’t want no trouble man, here’s my wallet.” Sucker, I don’t have any money it in, just a bunch of credit cards, and I don’t even know how those work. But then he says, “I don’t want your money fool, I want to rape your ass, literally.” So now I’m thinking oh fuck I’m screwed, literally, but at that moment I don’t think the literally part, that was an afterthought. Lucky for me I have a plan that will protect my anus better than the Alamo protected the Jews (you don’t know much about history, do you?) I in fact have no idea what the Alamo or Jews are.

So the guy is holding a knife to me and wants to rape me, so what do I do? I pull my pants down. I know what you’re thinking: the sight of my penis will scare away the man just assuredly as it will scare away all women who may see it in the future. But no. After pulling down my pants I say to the man, “go ahead, I want you to do me.” Hopefully now you’re confused and aren’t thinking ‘Quentin seems like the kind of guy who would like to take it up the ass from a stranger.’ Because I wouldn’t like to take it up the ass from a stranger, nor a good acquaintance, but rather by telling the man I want him to do me I am accomplishing my goal and one of two things will happen. While raping involves sex, I think for most rapists – although I must admit I don’t know many – aren’t raping because they want sex necessarily, but because they want to take advantage of someone and be in control of the situation and hurt the person. So by telling the potential rapist that I would welcome sex I am taking all those things he might want to do away from him. So he may turn away, disappointed that he found someone who wanted sex instead of someone who he could victimize. Genius, I know. But what if he still wants to do things to my butt?

If the man is not disheartened by my seemingly allowance of him being able to do stuff to my butt then I have still accomplished one thing, and that is that I have shown him I am not hostel or a potential threat to him. He’ll most definitely let his guard down thinking he’s hit the jackpot and found some free homosexual action. But of course I’m not going to let this guy have sex with me… probably. As soon as he starts to take his pants off thinking he’s going to get some, or rather give me some, I’ll either run – not taking the time to pull my pants back up – or I’ll lunge at him dealing numerous blows to his penis – wow that sentence sounded gayer than I wanted it to. So see, I’ve develop the perfect way to keep myself from getting raped, in theory at least. I’ll of course have to practice it in real life situations before I get my brilliant defensive rape strategy down pat. Sure while practicing I may occasionally get raped but it will all be worth it once I really get into a situation when I might get raped and will then probably avoid it because of my numerous practicing (doesn’t the potential of getting raped while practicing to not get raped defeat the purpose) probably?

Nothing like writing about an outlandish topic to help ease my loneliness for her if only for an hour.


About Danniel
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11 Responses to This is what I think about/ (the slash was supposed to be a question mark)

  1. Neofreed0m says:

    Heh, I see……………………………………………………………….

  2. sololos says:

    I heard you’re supposed to poop your pants.

    • Danniel says:

      I was actually going to write about that but I got tired and lazy. More lazy than tired, and that’s usually the case.

  3. TheBlueCrow says:

    You should just think of raping her in the butt instead. NO, DON’T DO THAT.

    • Danniel says:

      I love love LOVE that you think you are the most mature out of all of us. I’m not saying you aren’t, or that I’m more mature than you (because I’m not) but I would never claim to be the most mature (or at least most mature a long with Chris) and then post something like that.

      Good day sir.

      I said good day, Sir!

  4. TheBlueCrow says:

    That would hold more weight had Chris not just post about pooping in your pants.

    If I did feel that before it would only make sense for me to continue on saying that. Except the thing is, I’ve repeatedly denied it. So…? (Here comes David chiming in)

    Good night.

    • Danniel says:

      I threw in the part about Chris because I wanted to be accurate and you didn’t actually say you were the most mature but that you and Chris were the most mature, but I see how I wrote it could look like I meant Chris was the most mature. And just didn’t want you to point out the fact that at the time when you said you thought you were most mature you also included Chris along with you.

      And Chris made a joke that I happen to think is seriously a good idea to do if a person in is a situation when someone is trying to rape their butt. Whereas you made a joke that was probably a little bit insensitive to my feelings. But seeing as I constantly write about topics that aren’t serious I suppose the joke wasn’t out of place. So while Chris’s joke would most assuredly be considered immature it fits in with the immaturity that went with the majority of what I wrote. But your joke cleverly combined the immature topic of my writing, with the extremely small amount of it that was serious to make a joke that while may not be more conventionally immature than a poop joke (although I must stress that this is not about who is most immature) but is by far more insensitive, which I think should be included in immaturity.

      So I guess while I did mean the joke was a bit immature (which I don’t mind because most of my writing is immature) the part that I was really ashamed about (yes ashamed, because I hold you to higher standards, although I don’t know why, and I don’t know who I’m comparing the standards to) was that you appeared not to notice that the comment may not have been appropriate or may have even offended me (it didn’t). I know I’m not one to talk because I say stuff all the time that offends people and is inappropriate and make fun of things that people are more serious about than I know. But maybe we all need to try harder.

      Or maybe I ask for it by always being so flippant?

  5. TheBlueCrow says:

    I still don’t remember the thing about being mature but I think it’s coming back.

    I’m sorry for being insensitive. I just thought no joke could ever be a joke in bad taste with you. I sometimes forget we are all people with vulnerabilities even when it’s masqueraded or seemingly not apparent (which I’m also guilty with when dealing with Ha). I don’t put much thought in posts in general unless it’s called upon to be serious. But, that’s no excuse; I did catch a hint of coping over a girl but I gave it little thought and went for a joke because I thought you wouldn’t care.

    • Danniel says:

      apology accepted, although unnecessary. I seriously wasn’t that offended by it. I think I was just a little annoyed because I don’t ever take things serious, especailly in the presence of others, so of course I shouldn’t expect them to take me serious or even know when I am being serious or joking. I in fact make inappropriate jokes all the time even about things that I am deathly serious about when I am alone. So I think I was just a bit annoyed and then resorted to referring to the maturity thing that you had said probably a year and a half ago and I’m still giving you shit about for some reason. So I apologize for that.

  6. sololos says:

    I don’t know how I could have said it more maturely. I heard you should defecate in your pants?

  7. Neofreed0m says:

    See, this is what I was talking about in the last post. A line needs to be drawn somewhere.

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