A Day In The Life Of Salvador Dali

Who the fuck is Salvador Dali!

So I got out of my History class today and started my walk home. But first I had to stop off at the corner store to pick up a small bag of Chili Cheese Fritos and some Trident gum because I was running low on it and I like to have something to do with my mouth during class. I probably have some kind of oral fixation because I was breast fed for too long. Or is seven years not that long? So I step out of the store and begin my walk home, and that’s when I start to smell smoke. So the first thing I do is turn around to see if there’s anything burning behind me. There was nothing. So I turn back around and start walking, and right ahead of me I can see a big plume of smoke. I don’t know why I didn’t think to look in front of me instead of looking behind me first? Perhaps because I’m an idiot? Who knows? I can tell that the smoke is coming from a spot that appears to be dangerously close to where my house is located. The first thing I thought was that the old folks home nearby must have caught on fire. Good, I was thinking. Those old folks always give me weird looks when I walk by them on my way to and from school. It’s like they’re offended that I’m flipping them off. My next thought was wondering if it could possibly be my house. I figure if it was at least my little sister was at school – this is ironically funny, but not now unless you live in my area and already know what happened or have already skipped ahead and know that the place that caught on fire was my old elementary school, which is my little sister’s current elementary school… oh crap, did I give away the ending?

So yeah, my old elementary school that is really close to my house, and where I spent six years of my life (?) caught on fire the other day – technically it caught on fire today but I’m assuming you’re not reading this until at least tomorrow. Well my little sister is doing okay, besides her none stop crying which is getting really annoying by the way. I’m kidding. Actually, while there were a lot of kids crying about it – I know because I went to the local library to pick up my sister and all the other kids were there as well, many of which as I previously stated were crying – my little sister didn’t seem to be effected at all, and was maybe even in good spirits. Perhaps she burned down the school? But let’s not be ridiculous, the whole building didn’t burn down, just one third of it.

I have many great memories from that school, whose name I can’t remember, which seems odd because it was plastered all over the news for the last three hours. And I’m sure I would tell you all about those great memories if I could remember any of them. But maybe I can. So in honor of my school catching on fire I will over the next few days (hopefully) share a couple of my favorite memories that took place at Marysville elementary School.

Today I will talk about one of my favorite memories I have of Marysville. I remember it not like it took place yesterday, but like it took place in the third grade, which is weird because it actually took place today. The memory I am of course talking about is the burning down of Marysville. Boy was that exciting. Not exciting in a good way, but in an exciting way. In a lot of ways the school burning down was bad. But in one way it was good. You see today I had planned to go to the library and find a book I could do I report on for my History Class. But since Marysville caught on fire all the kids had to evacuate, and the place they evacuated to was the library, the same exact library I had planned on going to. But luckily the school caught on fire so I didn’t go to the library, so I wouldn’t have been turned away once I noticed all the kids had been evacuated there (yeah, but if the school didn’t catch on fire the kids wouldn’t have had to be evacuated there, dumbass) whoa, this is getting confusing, it’s like Schrödinger’s cat. (no, it’s pretty simple, the school caught on fire so you didn’t go to the library, had the school not caught on fire you would have went to the library but the kids wouldn’t have been there so everything would have been fine, there’s no paradox here) oh, well quit embarrassing me in front of my friends (They’re not you’re friends, and you’re the one embarrassing yourself.) They are too my friends (no they are not, and Salvador Dali is a surrealist painter you dullard) wow, you’ve gotten mean recently.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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4 Responses to A Day In The Life Of Salvador Dali

  1. Neofreed0m says:

    Did anyone get hurt?

    I was going to go with a joke, but if somebody had gotten hurt then the joke would have been in bad taste. So I had to ask this first.

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