crappy dialogue exercise for my community college class

“I hate pissing at a urinal,” Tom said as he unzipped his pants.

“Really,” Larry said while standing at the urinal next to Tom. “I find it spectacularly exciting compared to the mundane experience of peeing at home.”

“They’re too high. I almost have to aim up just to make it in the hole.”

“I would guess they’re made with the average man’s height in mind.”

“They should be lower. You tall bastards have to aim down when you’re pissing anyway. What’s a few more inches going to do?”

“You could always pee in the little kid’s urinal.” Larry nodded his head towards the urinal to his left.

“I’m not pissing in no urinal for some kid. I’m a man damn it. And I’ll piss in a man’s urinal.”

“Of course you are.”

“Did you just sneak a peak?” Tom said.


“Did you just check out my junk?

“No,” Larry said confused.

“You just looked at me.”

“I was making eye contact. I was trying to be polite. When you’re having a conversation it’s polite to make eye contact. It shows the person talking that you’re listening.”

“That’s all fine and dandy in the real world but this is the bathroom.”

“The bathroom isn’t the real world?”

“No,” Tom said, “the bathroom has different rules than the rest of the world. No eye contact. None. Never.”

“Okay,” Larry said as he made a broad display while averting his eyes to the ceiling.

“It’s not fair you know?”

“What’s not fair?”

“This separator thing that separates the urinals,” Tom said.

“The Partition,” Larry said still staring at the ceiling.

“Whatever,” Tom said. “You’re tall so you can see over it. I’m short so I can’t.”

“Why would I want to look over it?”

“Maybe you’re insecure?”

“Maybe,” Larry said. “Probably not, but maybe?”

“Well I’m not insecure. I’m very secure. My skin is a security blanket. It keeps me secure. I’ve got nothing to feel insecure about.”

“I never said you did.”

“You implied it with your tone.”

“What tone? I didn’t use any specific tone.”

“You had a tone.” Tom zipped up his pants. “My ear is like a tuning fork. You can’t hide your tone from me.” Tom walked away from the urinal trying to sneak a peak at Larry as he passed by.

“You didn’t flush,” Larry said.

“Germs!” Tom said as he walked out the door exiting the bathroom.


About Danniel
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9 Responses to crappy dialogue exercise for my community college class

  1. Neofreed0m says:

    Ah, you could have only gotten away with this at community college………………..

    • sololos says:

      My papers would beg to differ.

      • Neofreed0m says:

        Oh, what are yours about?

        • sololos says:

          I wrote a paper about the famous painter Artemisia in which I pretended we were having a juvenile AIM conversation where I commented on her boobies and vergina in the movie about her life.

          • sololos says:

            Man that sentence sucked.

          • Danniel says:

            Can a painter be famous if I’ve never heard of them?

            The answer is a resounding yes.

            I can’t remember either my AIM password or user name so I can’t log in and I’m too lazy to make a new profile, plus I’m not sure I’d use it much anyway.

            • Neofreed0m says:

              What do you normally use then?

              • Danniel says:

                I use yahoo. I didn’t know anybody on aim anyway except for that David guy, that Chris guy, that Ha guy, that Quy guy and maybe that Tony guy… and that girl we do not speak of, that being Angela of course, but I strongly doubt she’d ever want to talk to me again. I wonder if she’s slutty now. God she was beautiful. I kind of hope she didn’t turn out slutty. She had a repressed home, I don’t really know why I phrased it that way, but what I mean is that her parents didn’t really give her that much slack, like she always had to do her homework and couldn’t talk on the phone until it was done, and she always had to be home early and crap like that, and once she went off to college she started drinking a lot. I worried about her for a while. It was weird. I don’t really know why I was worrying about her. I mean she had called me a creep and this was like a year after I had even talked to her, but I felt bad and like she might be heading down the wrong path, and I especially felt weird when she was making out with that guy at Shane’s house even though she had a boyfriend. I don’t know? I guess I just worry about weird things sometimes. I guess Lina was right, I do babble.

  2. Callan says:

    I smiled – it’s a sort of pythonesque free associative journey into something or other
    *percieves confused looks*
    Oh, okay then…


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