No Title #1

In my inability to write anything good I am going to list the 25 hottest celebrities under 25 that somebody else came up with and give my short feelings on them.

Miley Cyrus – I don’t mean to be mean, but I have the feeling she’s going to turn into one of those Hollywood sluts. And I am totally looking forward to it.

Megan Fox – I don’t know, I think me and her would get along, but not at all in a sexual sense.

Mia Wasikowska – Who?

Robert Pattinson – I hate this good looking bastard. I can only prey he has a small penis. But with my luck he’s got a huge penis (yeah, because the size of his penis effects you somehow) I’d feel good if it was small.

Scralett Johansson – I love her far too much. She’s still under 25 though? Stupid Ryan Reynolds and his stupid having extremely hot sex with her.

Daniel Radcliffe – I hate those Harry Potter movies (even though you’ve never watched any of them) I can tell from the trailers.

Gemma Arterton – I like the name Gemma. But after looking at her pictures I can’t tell if I’m attracted to her or not. My penis says yes but my balls don’t say anything at all because they don’t have a mouth like my penis does.

Freida Pinto – I’m not as attracted to this Slumdog chick as everybody else seems to be (he’s saying Slumdog because she was in Slumdog Millionaire, not because he’s being racist) right, that’s why I said it.

Vanessa Hudgens – Those nude pictures of her weren’t that great. Not that I looked at them of course.

Dakota Fanning – Gotta love the name Fanning. I’m more looking forward to her younger sister though, South Dakota Fanning… ha ha ha, lol, lmao, oh God am I funny! But seriously, I see big things for her little sister Elle Fanning. I love that name. If she was 18 I’d masturbate to the sound of that name.

Shia LaBeouf – I have no thoughts on Shia except that he’s too rich for how young he is. I don’t like it one bit. But I do envy it.

Saoirse Ronan – I do like those young Brits. But at the moment she’s too young so I’m going to have to wait to give my opinion of her.

Kristen Stewart – I am almost in love with Kristen Stewart. She could have had me too. She really could’ve, but no, she chose to hook up with my arch rival Robert Pattinson. Her lost. We could have had something special Kristen.

Ellen Page – She remains me of a boy. I’m ashamed to admit I kind of like that.

Bobbe’J. Thompson – He’s the little Black kid from the movie Role Models. I see big things for this kid. I by that I mean his penis, it’s going to be huge, because he’s Black, and rumor has it Black guys have big penis’s which is why I wish I were black, but I’ve said too much.

Michael Cera – He can suck my little white penis if he doesn’t want to do the Arrested Development movie. But other than that I loved him in the TV series Arrested Development, so he’ll always have a place in my heart.

Keira Knightley – A little bit skinny.

Dev Patel – I think this Slumdog star could have a bright future if she plays her cards right, which she won’t. (He’s a guy) with a name like Dev. I don’t think so.

Emile Hirsch – He’s one of those guys who only does good movies, except he sullied that forever by staring in Speed Racer.

Chace Crawford – Trishelle will not stop talking about him. It does kind of annoy the crap out of me. I really hate good looking people.

Taylor Lautner – Trishelle won’t shut up about him either. I really hate anybody who has been in those Twilight movies.

Emma Watson – Perhaps my fav.

Amanda Seyfried – She had big boobs in Mean Girls but then her boobs got smaller in that Abba movie. Her career seems to be going well and for some reason I’m glad.

Carey Mulligan – Interesting.

Zac Efron – Ugh. This list was just a bunch of hot guys I’m envious of and girls I’ll never get to be with which makes me mad even though I don’t want to get with most of them anyway but I’d still like to have the option.

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About Danniel

http://closertoclarity.com/
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3 Responses to No Title #1

  1. Neofreed0m says:

    Good choice using South Dakota instead of North Dakota.

  2. sololos says:

    My favorites: Scar, Emma, Ellen, and Zooey Deschanel, who is not under twenty-five but she looks like she is.

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