Day 7: Memo to self: stop looking at Scarlett Johansson, it makes you way too horny.
Day 8: Today I hung out at Thai Son’s house with a bunch of other friends and we had some good conversations and some food and some iced tea that David thought was too sweet but I thought was pleasant enough. Almost more than anything I love hanging out with my friends. I mean sure we talk about such stupid things sometimes but I enjoy it thoroughly. And it keeps my mind of all the bad things in life. And not once while hanging out did I even think about masturbating. Well except when Quy bent down to pick up his keys (really, you’re going to admit that here?) I didn’t want to masturbate to his ass. It was just tight and firm and I was thinking about how weird it would be if I decided to masturbate to the vision of his sweet ass. (You know for about a quarter of a minute you had finally got people to realize you weren’t gay, but I think you just ruined that) yeah, and that was one good quarter of a minute.
Day: 9: I watched a bunch of football today and then I went and played some flag football and then I got home and watched some more football and then my head hurt a lot from this collision I had during the flag football game with this guy whose a lot bigger than me so I slept and then I woke up and luckily got to have a conversation with some chick and have her tell me about a time she had sex for seven hours, and that just about killed all the self-esteem I had remaining in the sex department, and now I’m completely convince that when I finally do have sex I will be absolutely terrible and the girl will go tell all her friends and it will get spread across the world how Danniel Quentin Trujillo is the worst person ever at sex and then no girls will ever have sex with me again and I’ll never fall in love because no girl wants to be with a guy who sucks at sex and then I’ll die alone, but maybe I’m thinking about this a little too much.
Day 10: So horny!
Day 11: I went to the lake with my family and while there saw a few naked very young kids swimming around. Sometimes I wish I could be like those little kids and walk around naked and not care. I mean I don’t really have the desire to walk around naked, partly because it would be creepy but mostly because I have a small penis, but sometimes I really wish I just didn’t care about some things.
Day 12: Haven’t had the desire to masturbate today. I feel so lethargic, and after having just looked up the word ‘lethargic’ I can say that yes that was an appropriate word to use. Even if I felt like masturbating I’d be too lazy to actually do anything about it. This reminds me of a conversation I was present at between my sports buddies. It was about how sometimes it’s so much better to get head than have sex because you don’t have to do anything when you’re getting head. I have two groups of friends, one which has had a lot of sex and the other which has had no sex. For obvious reasons I fit better with the group that has had no sex. It’s funny to compare the conversations between these groups. For one my buddies who have had lots of sex talk a lot about sex, and mainly their experiences having sex. They may notice that I’m terribly quiet during those conversations. I may or may not be taking notes. Me and my other friends will talk about sex a lot too, but mostly about what the hell goes on during it. Sure we’ve all seen porn, but real sex can’t possibly be as wonderful as that. I imagine real sex must be hideous. Sticky sweat all over, body parts flying to and fro, bones being pulled out of sockets, blood dripping from every orifice, and when it’s over a prayer is taken in honor of the victims. But mostly when I think about sex it usually concerns the impossibility of me actually having sex. I can foresee no possibilities where I’d actually be able to have this sexual intercourse craze I’ve heard such wonderful things about.
Day 13: The episode of Seinfeld where the characters have a competition to see who can go the longest without masturbating was on. It’s a funny episode and I was always hoping me and my friends would have that competition. I would have of course been the underdog since I think it’s a given fact I masturbate the most. I had hoped me and my friends would be like the characters in Seinfeld, but it turns out that we’re more like the characters in The Big Bang Theory, but a million times dumber.
For a brief moment I forgot what masturbation was. I haven’t done it in so long that my mind couldn’t wrap around the concept of me wrapping my hand around my penis to receive pleasure. Luckily this only lasted for about fifteen seconds, but it was a scary fifteen seconds. It was what I imagine it’s like being blind. I was just wandering around with no sense of direction, bumping into things, contemplating suicide. I just may be able to get past these next three and change months without masturbating, but if I had to go a lifetime without it I might as well get out the noose now. Or I guess I could just try that sex thing. Man, I’ve been thinking about sex way too much lately. It must be because I’m not masturbating as much. Although I’ve also been thinking about being lonely way too much lately, and I can’t figure out how that correlates with me not masturbating. (Your penis must have gave you company.) And it never once called me creepy.