Day 1: I have no desire to masturbate. It sounds disgusting to me. I feel like I never want to masturbate again. Oh my God I need to masturbate now or else I’m going to die!
Day 2: So many moments throughout the day when something peaks my sexual interest and I think ‘now would be a great time to jerk off’ but I hold back my desire and five seconds later I’m feeling fine.
Day 3: Had the most bizarre conversation about sex with a very attractive chick. At no point did I ever feel horny and want to masturbate, probably because I am very friendly with this girl and we were mostly joking. But it was a very sexual conversation indeed for two virgins to be having.
Day 4: The only thing I’ve ever enjoyed on my birthday was masturbating and now I can’t even do that. Sometimes I masturbate to stave off depression and other times I’m too depressed to masturbate. I guess today my choice is to be too depressed to masturbate. (Happy Birthday) Why thank you, I’m so glad you remembered (I was actually talking to Jonathon Taylor Thomas of Home Improvement frame) oh.
Day 5: It’s weird waking up and not masturbating. Sometimes in the past I would use masturbation to wake me up. If I woke up and had to be somewhere in ten minutes – I don’t know where, I never go anywhere – I’d be like, ‘whatever I’m going back to sleep.’ But if I woke up even three hours early and thought, ‘hey, I could masturbate now,’ I hop out of bed immediately. And if I wake up tired and need a quick pick me up, masturbation is my coffee.
Day 6: I did it, it’s been six full days and that means I made it a full week without masturbating (first of all there are seven days in a week, and second the sixth day isn’t even over yet). I knew that, I was just trying to be humorous for all the readers out there (sure you were). Just thinking about all their laughing faces warms my heart (I imagine the people reading this are not laughing but wondering where they went wrong in their life that they debased their self to reading about you not masturbating). Well that’s just insulting to the readers (but now you’re assuming there are readers). It helps me sleep at night.
Today it wasn’t hard not to masturbate. I finished watching the last nine episodes of Friday Night Lights season 3 so that kept me busy. And even though I find Aimee Teagarden absolutely beautiful, and I always forget that she’s probably the celebrity I’m most attracted to, she’s not super sexy but more cute so I don’t really have the desire to masturbate to her, and I’m pretty darn sure I haven’t yet even though she’s get a great pair boobies. I love her teeth. The football season is starting in a few minutes and I’m going to watch the game and see a whole bunch of sweaty athletic men run around in tight pants, so this may be my biggest challenge to not masturbate so far (ha ha, another gay joke, how unique for you) I have to stick to what I know, and that’s gay, masturbation, and I have a small penis jokes. Although the small penis jokes aren’t really jokes but I feel if I say I have a small penis enough people will think I’m joking and that I really have a huge penis. I know it’s weird logic but I feel my small penis has messed up my ability to think straight (I think I should try distance myself from you).