Fingernails – Why the hell do they grow so fast? I have to cut these suckers like every day now. I don’t want to do something everyday. I don’t want to shower everyday – baths are wonderful though, it’s the lying down that I enjoy – I don’t want to shave everyday – luckily I don’t have to because I grow facial hair like a little girl – I don’t even want to poop everyday – pooping is the most annoying thing ever, actually come to think of it I’d just like to avoid doing anything that involves my ass (usually right here you’d use the joke, ‘except butt sex of course,’ why didn’t you?) I’m trying to get rid of the whole gay angle in my writing (but what about in life?) No, I’ll still be totally gay in real life of course – that’s a joke people, so please stop sending cards to my mom telling her how sorry you are that am gay. That’s a joke too. Nobody has been sending my mom cards. They’ve been sending e-mails. Aren’t I supposed to be talking about fingernails? I don’t care it turns out. Fingernails, you’re Jerks!
Creep(s) of the Week
LeGarrette Blount and Byron Hout – If you live in Oregon or Idaho, or are a sports fan and haven’t heard about this story then please, for God’s sake, get out from the rock you’ve been living under – Ah, nothing makes me feel more alive than saying something cliché – but if you haven’t heard the story let me explain. The Oregon Ducks played the Boise State Broncos in a friendly game of college football in which the Broncos pretty much dominated and won. After the game Blount (a Duck who had promised a win to the fans and media) was walking off the field when Hout (a Bronco, and white) gave Blount a little shove and said something to Blount, most likely about how Blount didn’t hold true on his promise of beating the Broncos, and Blount didn’t like it, so Blount did what any gentleman would do, he punched Hout on the chin. Now people are calling Blount’s punch a sucker punch, which it technically was because Hout wasn’t looking, but I maintain that Blount would have punched him anyway even if he was looking. Now that you know the story, although you probably already knew the story, let me explain why each of these guys is a Jerk. Well Blount punched a guy in the face, which wasn’t very nice at all, but I understand why he did it. I’m not saying it was right, I’m just saying that I understood his mindset at that point in time from a psychological point of reference. Blount later got kicked off the Oregon Duck’s team for the rest of the year, which is the rest of his college career – I did call the Duck’s football coach and ask if he thought maybe that was too much, since after all I am putting Blount on the Jerk Report and that seemed punishment enough, but the coach didn’t seem to care in the least bit. Blount was one of the best college running backs in the nation, and many scouts thought he could have been a second or third round pick in the draft. Well he done fucked that up good. Now most people have him going undrafted, and not making millions of dollars. But more important than messing up his life, he may have messed up the Oregon Duck’s football season. I’m a big Duck’s fan, and they were looking to have a big year, but now with there number one running back out for the season they aren’t looking too well. Blount may have messed up the Duck’s season worst than he messed up Hout’s jaw. Speaking of Hout let me explain why he’s a Jerk. Hout’s team won, and they won big, and he decided to rub it in Blount’s face. I can’t fucking stand people who win and then rub it in the loser’s face. It pisses me off. I am so glad (in a way) that Hout got punched in the face. He deserved it. A lot of people agree with me that he was out of line in talking shit and even pushing Blount, and they go as far as asking that he be suspended for a game. A lot of people are complaining that Blount got punished and Hout didn’t get punished at all. Those people are a bit blind. Hout’s punishment is that he got punched, and knocked to the ground I might add, on national TV, and it’s been played over and over again on ESPN, and there are multiple videos on Youtube of it, and I checked, and three of them already have over 100,000 views (although now many of the videos have been taken down due to copyright infringement). So his punishment is that he’s always going to be the guy that got punched and knocked to the ground on National TV and now over and over again on Youtube. But let’s not forget both Blount’s and Hout’s biggest punishment. Legarrette Blount and Byron Hout, you’re JERKS!