Thoughts On Survivor: Season 24 Episode 1

If you’re reading this then you’re probably a huge or somewhat mediocre survivor fan – not in between, only one of the two – so I’m just gonna start with what everyone is thinking after the first episode.

Why the hell are the guys so much hotter than the women? Every year they have a couple buff guys, but this year they have Matt, Michael and Jay who are genuinely attractive. Look, I can work out for hours and hours every single day in hopes of getting a six pack, pecs and killer biceps dude, but my face will still be fucked forever (not literally). These guys have amazing faces. Listen Colton, I know you’re super stereotypically gay, but at the beginning of the episode where you said you were better looking than the other guys you lost all gay credibility with me, and then you immediately gained it back and more throughout the rest of the episode where you were extremely gay, and not in a bad way, I was rooting for you to get the idol so you could play it and Matt’s dumb, but incredibly good looking, ass would be blindsided. Speaking of which, I’d like to blindside him if you know what I mean…I mean I’d like to run him over with a truck.

He just seems like an asshole, and judging on the preview for next episode Colton looks like he’s about to turn into an asshole too, so on the men’s tribe I don’t know who I’m left to root for. I usually root for the black guy, I don’t know if it’s white guilt or because all my idols growing up were black, but that’s what I tend to do, but Bill, the black guy, seems to be aligned with the three douche, but incredibly hot, bags (that doesn’t even make sense).

Tarzan and Troyzan annoy the crap out of me, so I can’t see myself ever rooting for them. The small person – some people refer to them as midgets, but I’m trying to be respectful so I’m not going to use the word midget – so the midget (that lasted long), I mean the small person seems favorable, but even he’s better looking than me, and I can’t play the, “Well women aren’t attracted to me because I’m kind of short,” card with him. I think he has a good chance of winning this game unless people realize he has a good chance of winning this game because he’s a short person. Kind of sucks for him because unless he plays an amazing game he’ll just be the guy who won because he’s a short person, but I have a feeling the million dollars will help out with that…that is if he wins, but he won’t because I’m rooting for…wait for it…wait for it…go check your twitter feed…so has Dane Cook tweeted anything interesting lately?…don’t lie, I know you follow him…and wait for it…

Finally, a nice doughy guy I can root for without feeling jealous of...although that smile of his is very friendly. Damn him!

Jonas! Now just because I’m rooting for Jonas on the male tribe doesn’t mean he’s going to win, but let me remind you of this, if you listen to the survivor podcast The Tribe they do a survivor pool where you pick who you think will win and answer questions like who you think will get voted and earn points and it’s fun and the podcast is good, and my overall pick to win it all was Kourtney. Yes, Kourtney, the girl who broke her wrist on the first episode and had to leave the game. So I think I’m due, and my new pick of Jonas will do much better. And by that I mean he won’t get voted out until the third week. I don’t really like him, I just think he’s less of a douche then the rest of the male tribe, so on that side I’m definitely rooting for him and Leif, the small person, and maybe Colton but I’m afraid he’s going to turn into a bitch, and not the lovable, “look how skinny Paris Hilton’s arms are. I’ve had bigger things in my butt. Oh look at me being such a bitch,” kind of way, but the, “Imma rip that weave out and shove it up your butt, Skank,” kind of way. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

Actually I didn’t really pick Jonas as my overall pick. I picked Kat from the female tribe. I’m not at all afraid that the men will dominate the challenges and the women will be voted out one by one. I mean given the chance I think that would definitely happen, unless the challenges end up being strictly non-physical. But even endurance-wise I’m not sure this female tribe could beat the men, and they usually save the endurance challenges until the tribe merge anyway. But I’m not worried about it because I’m completely confident – maybe too confident now that I think about it, which is why I choose never to think about things – that the tribes will be shuffled either after the second or fourth episode, or maybe third and they’ll have lonely island (or exile island as it’s better known) but it is lonely. So if that happens it’s going to depend on how the two big alliances get split up on who is going to last, unless crazy shit goes down, which I don’t think it will for some reason. No good reason at all.

I just think Kat seems likable enough. It was when she was in the middle of the argument between Alicia and Christina – who I’m surprisingly very attracted too, no offense Alicia, your boobs are nice and I look forward to them poping out many times during the season, Christina just edges you out a bit for no logical reason at all – that I saw the potential in Kat winning it all. Just seems vaguely athletic, but not enough to be considered a threat, and she’s attractive, but not too attractive for anyone to be jealous over, unlike Jay, Michael and Matt, who I would never vote for, unless they do that thing were they make their pecs bounce up and down and it hypnotizes me.

As for the rest of the girl tribe…well I was too busy being hypnotized by Michael, Matt and Jay’s pecs to notice there was a girl tribe. Alicia or Christina is going to go early. Probably Christina because she doesn’t have the alliance on her side, so a tribe switch would benefit her perhaps most, especially since she did engage the fire trade with the guys so they might have some good will for her, but I could also see Alicia going early because she can’t keep her opinions to herself and people tend not to like people who don’t keep their mouth shut and keep causing problems for the tribe.

About the chicken fiasco, I’m on the girl’s side on this one. I don’t care if a half hearted deal was made to share the chickens before the chickens were caught. That douche Michael stole a ton of their shit at the beginning so honesty in this game is thrown out the window. I do think the guys would have shared the chicken, if for no other reason than feeling guilty about stealing their stuff. I don’t know if it was brought up but not showed, but I was surprised that the girls didn’t bring up the guys stealing the axe when defending why they didn’t hold true to sharing the chicken. As soon as the guys took the girls stuff trust was thrown out the window, and as long as it’s girls and guys it’s going to stay that way, as shown when the guys took immediate immunity instead of continuing the challenge after Kourtney had to quit.

Where’s the pride, guys! As a man, albeit not a very manly one, I’m ashamed – however it was the smart decision seeing as this is a challenged based on numbers and the fewer numbers the faster a team can potentially finish the challenge, so I don’t know if it would have went 9 on 8 or if the guys would have had to drop someone, and I do feel like if the places were swapped the girls would have took immunity too. I know it’s smart to take the easy way, but don’t people want to earn anything anymore? (Probably not in a game for a million dollars, minus taxes.)

The twist of having the two tribes live together has worked out nicely thus far. We’ve seen Colton team up with the girls and get a hidden immunity idol from them, and the whole chicken fiasco, and girls needing fire, and I think it will get even more interesting when the tribe mix up, which I believe will come soon, happens, because most of the women will want to still be with the women and the same goes for the men, so I can see a lot of paranoia around camp with everyone being so close and it being so easy for people to make deals with the other tribe.

It's Kat - I gotta go pee too badly so I can't think of a good caption.

My predictions for next week are that there is a reward challenge which the guys win hands down and then in a surprise the females win the immunity challenge and the guys end up voting out Jonas, yes, Jonas, because by me rooting for him I’ve put a huge target on his back. In the preview for next week it shows Colton showing a couple of the guys the idol in a, “you can’t fuck with me,” kind of way, which is why I said I fear he’s going to get bitchy, and showing it takes away his ability to blindside the tribe and be able to win at tribal with eight votes to one, now the other males can just split the vote if they so decide to, which I’m betting they do, because at this point I don’t see anyone going against the big alliance, which is bad for Jonas, because they’re not going to vote out Leif, the small person, this early – I only keep bringing up him being a small person because at this point in the game it relates a lot to what I think will happen concerning him, which sucks – and they’re probably going to aim to keep the tribe strong, so the only hope for Jonas is that he’s smart and maybe they want to keep him around for puzzles.

So until next time, keep on surviving (cheesy) huh? Oh, I didn’t even mean it that way, I just mean the world is crazy and you could get killed a million different ways, so that’s something to think about while you go to bed tonight (sweet ending).

My Shitty Misfits (the tv show) Review

From left to right: girl, boy, girl, boy, boy.

I’m confused with exactly how interested I am in superheroes. When Spiderman or the reboot of the Batman series came out I wasn’t at all interested to see them. Eventually I did see the Spiderman trilogy and the first two were pretty good movies and the third tried to do too much and ruined possibly my favorite comic book character of all time in venom – although I was never a comic book guy, I knew him from the animated TV show and video game on Sega I owned where Spiderman and Venom teamed up to fight Carnage. I still haven’t seen the first Batman in the Dark Knight series and was hesitant to see the Dark Knight because of my (not) completely reasonable hatred of Christian Bale and his (alleged) bad breath, but I saw it and it was great, but most of that had to do with praising the career of the recently deceased Heath Ledger who was amazing in the movie as the Joker, but overall I think the directing was subpar and rushed – I felt like Spiderman 3 and The Dark Knight tried to do too much and The Dark Knight rushed it but overall got away with it whereas Spiderman 3 just threw in a bunch of plot but never let it breath and develop. What does any of this have to do with Misfits? Probably nothing, but I’m getting there.

I’m not excited for the final Dark Knight movie, or the Spiderman reboot, or any Superman reboots they might do, and I have no desire to see Captain America or the greatly overrated Thor which was an okay movie but horribly trite and we make fun of the melodrama of Bella falling in love with both a Vampire and Werewolf but for some reason Thor falls heads over heels in love with Natalie Portman after a night to the point where he’s willing to die for her and we’re okay with this? I was kind of into the Heroes television show though, and I think the reason for that was that they were regular people – at least until Peter and Sylar became more powerful than Superman and any emotional connection made with any character in peril became meaningless because they could just be brought back to life a couple episodes later.

I like watching real people. It’s what made reality television so good, but now it’s just caricatures, the prominent features of former real people exaggerated to outrageous proportions to up viewership. This show, Misfits, is real people – granted each character with defined characteristics because TV shows want defined characters – who get super powers but don’t decide to fight crime – at least up to the point that I watched so far, but I kind of hope they never do fight crime, because the charm of the show is that they’re just troubled youths who get superpowers that effect their life but they don’t decide to do anything drastic with their powers.

The show is centered around five young adults who are doing community service together after each getting in trouble. One driving without a license, another a semi-famous athlete caught with drugs, another for something I don’t remember, and the other two you learn in future episodes. This weird storm with Dr. Who like effects – i.e. shitty – happens upon the city and they’re struck with lightning and start feeling different – don’t let the cheesiness of the special effects turn you away.

Nathan is the star of the show. He’s a lovable asshole, always ready with something snarky to say or to mimic masturbating or humping or anything he can think of to get a laugh, but I think it’s less about getting attention as it is entertaining his self. You don’t get to find out what his super power is until the last episode of season 1, but you get a hint in an earlier episode. The show is assuredly more a comedy than super hero drama and he’s the reason why.

 

            One of the girls gets the power to hear people’s thoughts, which I’d kill for even though I know it’d make me kill myself, and another girl gets the weird super power of having anyone she touches or anyone who touches her immediately want to bang the crap out of her and say terribly dirty things that are kind of comical like, “I’m so hard for you. I wanna rip your clothes off and piss on your tits.” Okay, so maybe it’s more disturbing than funny, but the feeling of the show makes disturbing things comical. Now that I think about it that power is pretty much rape. But it goes both ways. Sometimes she can make people want to do her and she’s basically raping them even though at the time they’re enjoying it because of the power’s effect, but also if people accidentally touch her they’ll try to sleep with her even if she doesn’t want them to. I never thought there’d be a way to make rape a super power, but they did, and for that I bow to them.

One of the guys can turn back time, but luckily he can’t really control it, and sometimes it happens when he doesn’t want it to happen. This makes for an easy deus ex machina, which is me using words to try to trick you into thinking I’m smart, but a deus ex machina is a term when a plot is wrapped up with something that came out of nowhere, the term coming from ancient Greek plays when a god would be introduced at the end of a play to resolve the conflict. It isn’t entirely that because the viewer has already been introduced to the power and knows it’s there, but it means that no matter what horrible thing happens in the show it doesn’t mean much because it can just be taken back. Even though this is my least favorite power on the show for that reason it makes for a very interesting fourth episode which tells of the characters back stories.

The fifth guy, the awkwardly funny protagonist Simon, has the power of invisibility. He’s who you root for in this show. Although I guess that’s kind of a spoiler because you don’t really know that at the beginning. But at the same time I think you’re supposed to. He’s the misfit of the misfits. He’s immediately made fun of by Nathan and continually called a pervert and melon fucker and things of the like and I think the viewer is supposed to feel sorry for him and like him because as the series goes on he’s really the only one who brings up the idea of doing good deeds with their gifts.

The show isn’t perfect, it probably isn’t even great, but it can be very funny at times – I found myself laughing out loud often, which isn’t something I do very much even when watching full on comedies – and the characters are very likable, even Nathan who is a tremendous dick. A lot of the endings seem sudden and wrapped up in too simple of ways, which takes away from the show. The show builds up this great tension and situations that seem impossible to get out of but then things get resolved in ways that seem cheesy. And the show is starting to feel like it might go the way of Heroes and try to do too much and be about superheroes rather than real people with super powers, but I’ll hold out hopes in that it will continue to be funny and entertaining and you should give it a try. You can watch the first two seasons for free at Hulu.com but you have to have an account or sign up for one because it contains a lot of cussing and some nudity…okay, a lot of butt cheek nudity.

TV, Girls, Such and Such

On this weeks episode of the podcast Chris and I spent some time talking about new TV shows, or rather Chris listened to me talk about the girls I like on new TV shows. I do enjoy watching pretty girls on TV, but I was surprised to learn that some of my favorite shows of all time didn’t really have very many women I was attracted to on them. This got me to thinking, are beautiful women on TV good for ratings but bad for overall quality? That would be a really interesting thing to write about. But that seems like a lot of work, and God oh God damn am I lazy.

The first show I talked about was Last Man Standing, the new Tim Allen show. It’s a safe bet for Timmy Al in that it’s essentially Home Improvement but with daughters, so seemingly they can get the Home Improvement audience to watch. However, who was the Home Improvement audience? A lot of my friends watched it, but I maintain that if they watched it today they would see that it was a piece of crap, so they probably wouldn’t like Last Man Standing, which from what I can tell is better than Home Improvement, but that’s not saying much. I think Home Improvement also claimed a lot of middle aged viewers, who are now probably old perverts, and the show has a couple of hot girls on it, so that will be right up their alley.

What a sweet ass

The next show I talked about is New Girl, the Zooey – contemplates whether trying to spell her last name from memory or going straight to google is faster, and now decides going to google is the right answer – Deschanel show where she lives with three guys. This is where I first noticed that Zooey Deschanel has a nice set of thighs. Yes, I am a leg man. I don’t really know what Zooey Deschanel’s butt looks like. I only typed that because that was what I was thinking. I didn’t really want you to know that’s what I was thinking, but it’s a true thought. On the show she wears a lot of frilly dresses, short frilly dresses, so it’s rare that you actually get to see the curvature of her butt. “Oh baby, the curvature of your butt is turning me on so much.” Just thought it’d be funny if someone said that.

The show isn’t great, but it also isn’t horrible. That’s the extent of my thoughts that don’t include Zooey Deschanel.

The final show I talked about is my favorite of the three by far, and that show is Suburgatory. It’s about a dad and daughter from New York City who move to a suburban neighborhood where everyone acts very stereotypical yet it somehow still manages to be entertaining because the characters are kind of all stereotypical but in their own way. It’s quirky and generally smart, which is nice in a comedy. The greatest examples of combining silly and smart are Arrested Development, my all time favorite show, and Newsradio which goes from Andy Dick smashing through a window straight to Dave Foley making a political joke that my 12 year old ass didn’t understand but probably still laughed at. Those are my two favorite shows of all time, so I love when shows can figure out how to do silly and smart well. This show does it pretty well so far, but what the hell does that have to do with girls?

Jane Levy

The female lead is a cute red head by the name of Jane Levy. She’s very adorable and although her character is only 16 she’s really like 19 or 20 or something over 18 so I can say she’s attractive without feeling creepy. So I’m very attractive to her as an actress, but her 16 year old character I have no feelings on (because that makes sense…) It doesn’t make not sense (smooth). Also I’m very attracted to Cheryl Hines. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to her, but I am. I mean obviously she’s a beautiful lady, but she’s not so much in my age demographic. I should be mulling over the likes of Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber (because you’re a 15 year old lesbian?) Nah man, it’s ‘cause I’m hip to the hopity (well obviously).

If you like stuff that’s hip to the hopity like me (quit saying that) then click on this link and listen to the recent episode of The Closer To Clarity Podcast, where this week Chris and Quentin – or I, I suppose – talk about the aforementioned TV shows, Halloween, Books about believing in God, and a girl named Beb.

Response to David part 1

As of the last couple of years my “depression” has been a topic sometimes brought up by my friends but never fully talked about – I put depression in quotations because I’m not sure if it really is a depression or not, I mean I’m depressed at times but I don’t know if I’m really clinically depressed, but more on that later perhaps. As of late my depression has been a topic often brought up and almost thoroughly dissected by my friends. I’m not sure why, but it might have something to do with the last week being quite depressing for me therefore leading to me hinting in my blogs that I might be depressed. My friends are quite the Sherlock Holmes and managed to read my blogs and put the words “I’m” and “depressed” together to form “I’m depressed” to which they came to the conclusion that I must either be depressed or accidentally wrote depressed instead of masturbating again. Anyway a few days ago I wrote about David and Quy may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year, possibly to the point where they needed to intervene, and this led them to leave comments on my blog – because we don’t see each other in person very much anymore which is quite depressing, but not severely – in which they both clarified their true feeling about may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year. I found David’s latest comment interesting and there are some things I would like to respond to and so I will, now.

David: “Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions. I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like? I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor. I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

Let’s break this down:

“Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions.”

I went back and looked at my older blogs from before I posted on WordPress – okay I really didn’t but it sounds like I’m more prepared if I say I did. I remember that crap and it was the same crap I write now and just like the crap I write now it’s a bit misleading. Everybody gets really depressed for at least a few hours every once in a while, I think we can consider that normal. Many of my depressing blogs were written when I was having a depressed day. It wasn’t that I was constantly depressed everyday (except for a select timeframe: Mid December 08 and Late January 09) it was that I was depressed for a day or a few hours and that’s when I would write the blog and post it leading to Quy rightfully thinking I was more depressed than I really was, because if I’m posting a blog every couple of weeks about me being depressed it’s only right for him to assume I’m usually depressed, when the fact of the matter is that I go through ups and downs. And on wordpress it’s pretty much the same thing. A few depressing blogs every once in a while and then some blogs that are a failed attempt at humor, which if you think about it are much more depressing than the actual ones where I write about being depressed. So Quy has been reading about me being depressed longer than David has but I think it’s been a bit misleading, and let’s not forget that I’m a writer (not a real one of course) so I tend to exaggerate for my audience (apparently just Quy) to make things more exciting, and seem more important than they are. But I don’t blame myself nor do I think I’m a liar because in the moment that I write about being depressed and I write something to the effect of “I just want to sleep for the rest of the year and wake up refreshed with a clean slate of a memory” it’s not necessarily the truth (of course) but in that moment it’s how I feel. Let’s not forget that in moments of extreme emotion, whether happy or sad, we tend to exaggerate our feelings. It takes a while to sit back and think about something, or even not think about but just get some time away from it emotionally, to realize things aren’t as big as you’re making them out to be. Like when things didn’t work out with Angela and she wasn’t calling me back things seemed bad, although I never got too depressed, but as short as a couple weeks after finding out she called me ‘creepy’ I was almost completely over her. I only brought the situation with her up because last night I had a dream where her and Shane, who basically introduced me to her, were together as a couple, which is extremely odd because they did not get along so well. I didn’t know her long but I came to find out she’s very emotional and Shane doesn’t do so well with emotional people, which makes it all the more surprising that me and him have remained friends for so long, although we haven’t talked almost at all the past year

“I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like?”

When I read that I laughed possibly the hardest I have laughed in this entire twelfth of a year. First of all I would like to thank David for the compliment. No, hold on, it seems like he’s putting me down but there’s a compliment hidden in what he said. By saying ‘is this what people like?’ he was implying that he thought people liked my writing. So naïve that David fellow is. People don’t like my writing, and I’m not sure what would give you the impression that anybody would. It’s quite confusing (I’ll second that) and I basically just repeat the same small penis and masturbation joke over and over again, but of course you caught onto that…

“I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor.”

I don’t know how long we’ve known each other David, could be a year, could be a decade, but I figured by now that you’d have figured out that my type of humor is masturbation talk, putting myself down, and depression talk. Those things aren’t mixed in with my type of humor, those things are my humor. They say talk about what you know, which is why I talk about masturbation so much of course. No, the real reason is that I’ve found when you mention masturbation people either laugh or cringe, both of which are acceptable responses and further encourage me to keep using the word in as many ways as I possibly can. I talk about being depressed so much because when I am depressed it’s what I write about and that’s because it’s one of the only things I can do to make myself feel better. I can’t hang out with my friend because they all have their schedules and anyway I’m usually most depressed at night (midnight to five AM). So writing about being depress helps get it off my chest and it helps me feel better and if you notice I barely ever write any thing without some semblance of trying to be humorous in it, which is why I write when I’m feeling depressed because writing naturally makes me try and be funny which gets me in a better mood or at least distracts me from my shitty mood. For the putting myself down humor that comes from so many different angles I could write a whole freaking blog and possibly book on it, and I am so make sure and preorder it on Amazon come fall, you can read it on your Kindle if you’d like, but not the ipad, I’m anti-apple, both the company and the fruit – either I’m fucked up or society fucked me up, but now whenever I think or hear the word fruit homosexual comes to mind first. But anyway I’m running short on blog ideas, and really ideas in general, so I’m going to save writing about why I use self-deprecation for a future blog.

“I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

I think I remember you (David) suggesting a thing or two, but I’m not sure why I didn’t heed your suggestion and instead decided to go with my usual dick and fart jokes. Wait, I might have a clue. I think it mostly has to do with laziness. When I write stuff that is actually about something, such as my post about the fuckers who passed Proposition 8 in California not allowing gay marriage to be recognized by the state, or ‘a post from the past’ which was an actual post from the past that I took from my myspace page and reposted on wordpress because it was quite possibly some of my best writing not comically speaking but rather for proving that those two C words – not cunts but cock suckers, I’d never say cunt – were not looking at all the facts and needed to delve deeper into the statistics and not just assume everyone is a racist because – and I didn’t mention this in the actual blog – there are real racists out in the world so lets stop focusing on people who appear to be racist, and not really racist but rather appear to be barely semi-racist, and instead let’s focus on the real racists out there and real racial injustices rather than talking about how there is such a higher percentage of whites on TV than there are blacks but forgetting to point out that even though there is a much smaller percentage of blacks on TV it’s still larger than the percentage they occupy in the United States, while Hispanics on the other hand make up a larger percentage than the blacks do in the United States but a way, way less percentage on TV than even the blacks do, but that wasn’t pointed out in the article by those two C words Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson – again C word refers to cock sucker not cunt, which I refuse to say – so while they’re saying race shouldn’t be an issue while casting people for TV shows they’re being huge fucking hypocrites because for one they’re making race a issue by saying more blacks need to be on TV when blacks already represent a larger percentage of TV characters than they do US population so it doesn’t seem like a big issue, and two they’re making race an issue because they’re choosing to talk about blacks not being on TV enough when Hispanics are on TV way less than blacks, so it appears they’re being racist and saying blacks not appearing on TV enough is more important than Hispanics who appear on TV even less than blacks. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t know Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson but they are hack writers. They get paid to write. That’s a fucking honor as far as I’m concerned. If they want to write about racial injustice on TV that’s great, they write for a TV magazine so it makes sense. But it doesn’t make any fucking sense for them to write about blacks not being on TV enough when another race is on TV even less than the blacks. Their article wasn’t about races not getting their proper spotlight on TV. It was about blacks not getting their proper spotlight on TV. That’s fucking bullshit. You can’t write an article about the TV industry being racist and then not make mention that you the writer are being racist yourself by fighting for a certain race even though there’s another race that is getting shafted more than the race you’re fighting for. It’s amateur, fucking amateur. I can get away with it. I’m a fucking 22 year old going to community college and living at home I can write about whatever the fuck I want and make all the terrible points in the fucking world because no one reads this shit. You, Jennifer Armstrong, and you, Margeaux Watson, are fucking embarrassments because you get paid to write, and you write for a magazine that has lots of readers, and you fight for a pseudo-injustice when they’re a bigger fucking injustice right in front of your fucking noses. Anyway the point I was getting at is usually when I write more in depth things like ‘a post from the past’ I write it a day or two in advance, whereas lately I’ve been writing most of my blogs an hour or two before I post them because I’ve been on a bad schedule and have to write them that quickly in order to abide with my ‘post a blog everyday’ resolution. And that means I go to my bread and butter with writing, which appears to be talking about depression, self-deprecation, and masturbation jokes. Quite the rage with the kids these days.

To be continued….

A Post From The Past

I want you to do something for me. No not that, that’s disgusting. I want you to think about all the TV shows you watch, and think about all the characters on those shows (No anime). After you do this for 30 seconds continue to read. Now that you’re back, although I assume all of you just kept reading anyway, I want you to think about what color those characters are. (Notice I said color not ethnicity.) Mostly white? That’s what I thought. You people are racists. Or are you? Maybe the reason most of the characters you thought of are white is because the majority of the shows on TV are flooded with white people? Even more so than a Kanye West concert in Connecticut. (?) Wiggers and housewives who want to fuck him. (Oh.)

Since the TV shows are flooded with white people it must be the TV execs who choose what shows to put on the air who are racist. I don’t think so. But an Article in Entertainment Weekly by Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson may be implying that. (You read Entertainment Weekly?) Only for the nude women. (There’s a joke in there but you have to look for it really hard.) I once learned from a Family Guy commentary that ‘If it’s a thinker, than it’s a stinker.’ (Speaking of Family Guy.)

As you may or may not have heard, next TV season there will be a Family Guy spinoff show. The show will be based on the character Cleveland Brown. That’s right, the slow talking, Margette Thatcher  loving, Peter Griffin’s neighbor who is ironically voiced by a white guy. And yes the show will suck but will not get canceled for four years because you idiots love crappy shows. (The idiots I refer to are Chris and Quy. Oh yeah and the rest of America.) This Cleveland show, as I’ll call it, will be the only new show next year that’s main character is a minority. Clearly the network execs are racist. But I’m still not convinced.

Here’s a breakdown of the US population in terms of race and color, (more on that later.) According to Entertainment Weekly which they got from the 2007 US Census, 66.2% is White, 12.9% is Black, 15.2% is Hispanic, 4.5% is Asian, 1% is Native American and .2% is Pacific Islander. Notice anything? Besides that it should be ‘are’ instead of ‘is’. (Race and Color.) The first two groups (White’s and Blacks) are colors. The rest are ethnicities. As far as I’m concerned this is not a race issue, this is a color issue. So I’m going to lump everybody who’s not white into a category called ‘Colored’, and lump everybody who’s not colored, which I assume includes Canadians, Russians Ukrainians, typical whites and so forth into a category called ‘less pigmented’. So according to my two new groups, the Colored group makes up 33.8% of the US population and the Less Pigmented group makes up 66.2% of the US Population. But when we compare this to the percentage of characters on TV shows on the main networks it’s not the same. The Less Pigmented group makes up 74.72% of the characters on TV. While the Colored group only makes up 25.28% of the characters. A difference of about 8% compared to their populations. So why is the Less Pigmented percentage higher and the Colored percentage lower? Before I attempt to give you idiots the answer I must go on a tangent. (Why’d you call your readers idiots?) Force of habit from the religious blog.

The tangent (hopefully not diatribe)

The Hispanics make up 15.2% of the US population but only 6.38% of the characters on TV. While the Blacks make up 12.9% of the US population but only 13.92% of the characters on TV. (Wait, only 13.92? That’s higher than their population percentage) My point. The Hispanics or as I like to call them the Mexicans, percentage of character’s on TV is less than half of their US population, while the Blacks is more than their population. But the Blacks are the ones complaining about not being shown on TV enough. This complaining comes of course through the NAACP, which stands for The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Which is funny because they always talk about how you should call them African American’s. So it should be the National Association for the Advancement of African American’s or NAAAA. Which Dr. Cox from Scrubs pointed out brilliantly. (Doesn’t the NAACP involve all colored people?) First of all I watched the NAACP awards last year and they wouldn’t even let Flavor Flav in because he isn’t black enough. And Secondly they just use the other color groups to help them get ahead.
The Mexicans don’t complain. They work by far the hardest for the least amount of money, which is a sign of their stupidity. It’s also how I know I’ll never be rich. The Asians don’t complain about not being on TV, same with the Native Americans – I think the not being on TV thing is pretty low on the Native American’s Totem Pole, and I mean literally, That’s what they use Totem Poles for. My overall point of this tangent is that the Blacks are the ones complaining about not being on TV enough when in fact the Less Pigmented and the Blacks both appear on TV more then their total population % by about the same Percent (to the tune of .05%). Why don’t you idiots Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson point this out in the article? Is it because you’re black? I really don’t know. But their idiots either way. (At least they’re getting paid to write.) I write for the same reason I masturbate. (Because you can’t get laid?) Yes. And it’s my passion. And for the orgasm of course.

Before I went on the tangent I was going to explain why the percentage of Less Pigmented Characters on TV is higher than the Percentage of Colors on TV compared to their populations. Well I forgot what I was going to say. But it must have been brilliant. (Of course, otherwise you wouldn’t have forgotten it right?) I have, however, come up with something new, although it could be what I was going to say before. The reason for what I stated before-I’m tired of writing the whole Less Pigmented, Colored thing- is because most of the writers are white. And as you’ve probably heard the saying before, “write what you know.” So do you want the Jews writing about Blacks and Hispanics growing up in the inner city gang banging? I think you don’t. Because is seems to me like whenever A person who isn’t a certain color writes about a person of a certain color the person of a certain color always gets mad about how the writer isn’t that certain color so that person doesn’t really know what it’s like to be that certain color. So it seems to me like not only do the Blacks want more characters on TV, but also more Blacks writers and Director’s and execs. It sounds like what you’re talking about is Affirmative Action. And we all know that doesn’t work. Don’t get me wrong I love diversity. In fact my favorite thing about the US is that it’s the most diverse place in the world, possibly the universe. I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot more diverse than heaven – the least white things in heaven are the clouds. Even though I love Diversity I don’t believe you should hire an Asian if you’ve interviewed a more suitable white person. Or write in a Black character when A Canadian character fits in better. Or sign a Jewish person to a 50 million dollar contact to play Center for your basketball team when any black person would be better. I bring up sports (especially Basketball) Because that’s an area where whites are sparse. But you don’t hear the whites complaining. At least not in public. We save it for our weekly secret meetings. Which I can’t actually attend because I’m part Mexican. But I do get the newsletter. And about the abundance of Blacks in the NBA. You definitely don’t hear the NAACP complaining about how there aren’t enough Asians or Hispanics in the league. I wonder why. Well the NAACP might say because sports are different because they’re competitive. I call BULLSHIT on that. Isn’t everything that pays competitive? Last time I checked they don’t just hand out jobs to people when there are people who are better suited (Affirmative Action). You have to go to school and get better grades then everyone else so you can get the few open spots in the best colleges so you can get the best jobs available so you can work your ass off, bring in more money for the company and either get a promotion or get a better job offer from another company. So from where I’m sitting, (At home jobless and not attending college and making nothing out of my life) Competitive  sports is a lot like the real world of jobs. So if you’re 5’6 and white you can’t play professional basketball even though  it’s all you ever wanted to do your whole life and you cry yourself to sleep every night and sometimes you paint yourself black and imagine what it’d be like to be in the NBA and have a decent sized penis… I’ve said too much. And if they did hire people not based on competitiveness and performance then wouldn’t that be communism? And I’ll go to a Homer Simpson quote for my thoughts on Communism, “In theory communism works. In theory.” Not terribly funny but it gets my point across. And all you religious people don’t go saying ‘well evolution is just a theory.’ Evolution is a scientific theory based on years of studying and experiments and not on some stupid book nobody reads but everybody believes in. (Back to the point.) I want more religious Black people on TV. (What) Exactly.

(Finally a new paragraph.) My overall point is that these so-called ‘racist’ TV execs aren’t racist. They would put anything on TV as long as it made them a lot of money. It’s all about the money. Hopefully they’ll put on the new TV show I’m writing. It’s about how Abraham Lincoln was a Racist.