TV Time with Twintin (it’s Quentin) Alliteration Sells (beware of spoilers for Suburgatory and Work It))

Both these shows can be found to watch some episodes of for free at Hulu.com, although one of the two, I won’t say which, should have all their copies of the show destroyed immediately

Suburgatory

George and Dallas...well Dallas and George's side face.

After a big episode of Suburgatory in which George and Dallas finally kissed – I say finally for some reason even though it’s only been nine episodes – I had to wait almost a month for the next new episode. I said “finally” but it felt too soon for me because once they do finally hook up, which I hope they do eventually but not too soon because once they do my emotional hook for the show might be no more. I like a little will they won’t they in a show. I think The Office did it well where Jim and Pam had Essentially two seasons (three seasons, but only 50 episodes) of will they won’t they tension and then got together and never looked back. They didn’t try to milk it like in Frasier where Niles didn’t get with Daphne until season 7 – a story I liked hearing on one of the Newsradio commentaries is when the writing team of Sam Johnson and Chris Marcil went to work for Frasier and in their first writers meeting the subject of finally getting Niles and Daphne together was brought up and the question of was it too soon to end the goose that lays the golden egg, meaning if they got them together they wouldn’t be able to go for the awkwardness of those two characters together in scenes, and Johnson and Marcil’s thoughts were that they might as well get them together because they’ve milked it enough and getting them together would bring up new situations with the two they could get comedy from. I also hate when the characters get together early and then break up and then are forced together when the show comes to an end, kind of like in Scrubs and even Friends where on the last episode Ross stopped Rachel from going to Paris, or went to Paris with her or whatever, and by then I had no longer cared at all about Ross and Rachel getting together, not that I ever really did because I was like seven when that show started.

This recent episode of Suburgatory, titled Driving Miss Dalia, is what I fear Suburgatory might be once Dallas and George get together. Oh, and this is where editing would come in handy but I hate doing that, I forgot to mention that I didn’t mind the kiss on the previous episode too much because it was under Mistletoe so Dallas played it off as if it was just because of the Mistletoe and not because she had feelings for George, so his dumb ass is still blind to it. This episode wasn’t that funny and wasn’t that interesting. For some reason I’m not interested in any of Tessa’s relationships with boys, except for maybe that black nerd whose name I can’t recall, but that’s only because I’ve always liked black people since I was young, so I want more of him in the show, not necessarily in a romantic way with her, but I do enjoy the comedy of him and Tessa’s other friend, Lisa, when they’re together, like in the episode where they thought Tessa’s body was being taken over by the spirit of the girl who lived in the house before she moved in.

I guess I enjoyed the nude fight seen in the sauna a little bit. It was funny to see Chris Parnel’s nude penis blurred out in the background while the fight was going on. Probably not as great as Viggo Mortensen’s nude fight seen in Eastern Promises, but I’m too scared to try and find that clip online and watch it.

It’s only been ten episodes and I’m already tired of the “look how rich and out of touch these tan white people are,” jokes. I’m hoping the writers will be able to get pass that and find other ways to create comedy in the show, which they have done, but it’s still centered around how weird the rich people are, which makes sense because that’s the comedy premise of the show, but shows should evolve, and I should cut this show some slack since it’s only been ten episodes. If they’re making jokes about how white everyone’s teeth are in season four I’ll stop cutting them slack though.

Work It

I know you're going to judge it harsly based on this picture, but if you watch the show you'll be surprised to find that it's actually a lot worse than it looks.

Unfortunately I’m not going to bash this show as much as everyone else appears to – after having written this and this now being the editing it turns out I may have bashed it just as much as everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, it truly is a horrible show, but lots of shows are made that are horrible every year, most of them don’t get picked up and put on TV, sometimes some do, this happens to be one of those cases. I like to imagine Ted Cohen and Andrew Reich (creators of Work It) – who by the way  worked on such failed shows you’ve probably never heard of as Three, interestingly starring James Van Der Beek and Chuck’s Zachary Levi, Romantically Challenged which starred Alyssa Milano and Kyle Bornheimer, who is one of those guys you know when you see because he’s starred in a few failed sitcoms most recently Perfect Couples and before that Worst Week, and speaking of Worst Week, that was also done by Ted Cohen and Andrew Reich and they also did, and this is amazingly interesting to me because when I was trying to think of the worst sitcoms I’ve seen I thought of this but couldn’t remember the name, Welcome to the Captain, which I wanted to watch because Jeffrey Tambor was in it and I loved him from Arrested Development, but this show was horrible so it’s very interesting to see that it was created by these two, but the only reason I bring any of this up is not to try and shit on Ted and Andrew’s careers, because honestly with only everything I just named they’d be more successful writers than most aspiring writers will ever be half as successful as, so congratulations to them, but I bring it up because they wrote on and produced on some seasons of Friends, and not like the last two seasons, but they wrote on the show from 1997 to 2004, and are credited with more written episodes of Friends than anyone but David Crane and Marta Kauffman, the creators of the show, so perhaps the Friends credentials are why they keep being allowed to create shows that are, I don’t want to say horrible but, that are absolutely horrible.

I imagine these two walking into the head of ABCs studio being like, “Alright, we don’t have any good ideas, we haven’t had a successful show since Friends, and that wasn’t even our idea, we were just there to make sure Joey said, “How you doin’” every couple of episodes” – again, not shitting on them, more successful than I’ll ever be – “but we’ll just go into this meeting, pitch this crappy show about how men need to cross dress because women are stealing all the jobs, and we’ll make a horrible pilot that won’t get picked up and no one will ever see and we’ll each make six figures and be on to our next shitty idea.” Three months later, “Holy shit, I can’t believe they’re going to air this show for all of America to see. People will finally realize we’re hacks. Oh well, at least we’ll make more money.”

In all honesty that’s just what I hope. I’d be way more in favor of them just trying to make a shitty product to make money than if they thought this show was really funny or saying something truthful about society and would have a positive impact on people.

I don’t know if the writers are intending to be sexist. I get the feeling they think they’re just being funny and not really trying to shit on women and think the show will have redeemable qualities because by pretending to be women and being around women they’ll learn more about how to treat a women, like when at the end of the episode he makes things better with his daughter by turning her cell phone back on so she can talk to boys again – I’d argue that’s not really sexist because girls, and boys, that age really want to talk to people of the opposite sex – and to make it up to his wife for not fulfilling her needs more he gets her a really nice purse and she’s all better – Okay, that’s a little, maybe a lot, more sexist, I know a lot of women do really like getting nice things and some women enjoy nice things more than a real connection with the man, or possibly rich lesbian, but in my experience most women, even very good looking women, want men to understand the problem and what they’re doing wrong, not just make it up to them with gifts.

Obviously just because they’re trying to be funny about it doesn’t mean it’s okay to make sexists jokes. I’m more offended that the jokes aren’t funny than that they’re sexist (and that says a lot, and not in a good way) probably, but when jokes can be what some find offensive but done in a funny way people don’t seem to mind as much. Modern Family is a smash hit, and for some reason no one seems to care that the two gay guys on the show – one of them gay in real life, the red head I believe – are the typical flamboyant gay, and much of the jokes being made with them are about how they aren’t manly, but it’s done in a funny and apparently not offensive way. This show would probably be less hated for its offensiveness if the women were the winner in the end, but they weren’t.

Early in the show one of the side characters who is clearly meant to just be a character for jokes talked about how women were going to take over society and make men sex slaves, but not the good kind of sex but instead sex slaves with “kissing and cuddly and” wait for it…wait for it…wait for the totally unique punch line…“listening.” Again, I’m more offended with the horrible and trite joke more than the sexist nature of it. That’s not to say that I wasn’t also offended by its sexism, I just get more easily offended by bad comedy, which is why I’m so offended of myself (well the sexism doesn’t help) well some believe porn is sexist and that actually distracts me pretty well – not really, I’m probably most sympathetic to the feminist cause when watching porn.

Oops, wrote about the wrong joke in relation to what I was talking of in the previous paragraph. After hours and hours of laughing followed by an applause break by the studio audience from the “listening” punch line he goes on to say that the women will make pride illegal. Jesus Fucking Christ, I don’t get offended by much (except apparently bad jokes, real civil rights activist this guy) I do my part, I watch lesbian and black pornography, but insinuating that women don’t have pride, or at least that men have an overwhelming amount of more pride than women, is pretty fucking offensive. But I have no problem with that being said in the show, but at no point do they try and disprove that by having one of the many women characters showcase a tremendous amount of pride. Wait, that one girl did say they couldn’t leave the club until she got laid, is that pride? (Not even close).

My biggest problem with this show is that I have no idea where it can go. Are these guys going to cross dress forever and really never be recognized? It is pretty bad that none of them can recognize them, but for all the people saying they’re calling women dumb because the women don’t realize they’re really men, in fairness to the creators in an earlier scene the main guy was dress in drag right in front of his friend who didn’t even recognize him, so I think it’s less about people being too dumb and more about them saying this guy is an amazing cross dresser. The show isn’t funny, they did barely anything to make the jokes and characters redeemable – and saying the purse thing was barely anything is far more generous than they deserve – and just avoid this show at all costs. It’s not even worth a “look at how horrible this show is,” laugh. It’s just sad, and pretty pathetic, and again, I hope they did it for the money and not because they thought they were creating something of actual worth.

 

Response to David #3 (not really though)

Caution: Writing may be severely depressing with a slight undertone of upliftedness (yes, that’s a word now)

I woke up today completely apathetic to everything the world as to offer, which apparently isn’t that much (vintage ravings from a man who should be clinically depressed) keyword: should be (that’s two words) I’ll edit it in post – I know many of you hate when I talk to myself in my writing, but honestly I don’t do it for humor, at least I don’t think so, but I started doing it because when I write I want it to be me and when I write these thoughts will come in my head, often critically in a humorous way at least to me, so I started writing them in parenthesis’s, I don’t know why, I guess I liked it partly because I found it humorous but I think mostly because writing gets my thoughts out but writing with an occasional ‘second being’ really gets my thoughts out, mostly my thoughts on my own thoughts, and I just like it because I feel like two people sometimes, albeit two people not much different from each other, but I’d like my writing to be me so it would be extremely hard to stop with the second self speaking in parenthesis’s, so it’s staying, sorry Chris.

I woke up with the same feeling I’ve had many times in the past. Basically like there’s no point to anything and I’m not doing anything in my life and that I can’t figure out for the life of me how I’m supposed to do something with my life. School has become so fucking meaningless in my life right now, which for the most part was always how I’ve felt about being in community college, and even if I transferred I think I’d feel that way about real college as well – as I’ve said I’ve for the most part always felt unmotivated towards college but I think it’s pretty ironic that today I woke up with an extreme hatred towards school and found out that last term I made the honor’s list at PCC last term (GPA between 3.25 and 3.49) but don’t get too excited, the honor’s list at PCC is the equivalent of being on academic probation at a State school (perhaps constantly making fun of school only adds to your hatred of school) perhaps, but being able to make fun of community college is just about the only thing keeping me going at this point. Okay, so that’s not one hundred percent true, in fact it’s less close to one hundred in its truthfulness than it is to the grade on one of my Spanish test freshmen year in high school (half a percent). I find it hilarious because I’m pretty sure the only person who scored lower than me on that test was Chris who got like one fourth of a percent but now he’s at Portland State successfully taking his third or somesuch term of Spanish. Screw Chesley Sullenberger, landing a plane in the Hudson river is nothing, as far as I’m concerned Chris’s strides in Spanish was the feel good story of the year.

I’ve made strides in community college, there’s no doubt about that. Getting a 3.3 last term is considerably better than my first term where I was taking one writing class and dropped out after seven weeks. I should feel good about that, and honestly it’s a little bit annoying. At times it feels okay to be doing so well in the land of retards (nice, you simultaneously made fun of community college students who for the most part are trying to make better of their lives, and mentally challenged people who for the most part don’t have the ability to make better of their lives by their selves) but those short stints of feeling mildly content with my community college status don’t last long because I don’t know where the fuck it’s leading. At this point I have no idea whether I’ll make it to a real university or not. Sometimes I think yes and other times it seems impossible, so that evens out to about 50%, right? There are very few things I want a degree in. And last time I checked the only way to legally do mammograms is by becoming a doctor, which seems appealing until you realize it’s nowhere near as funny as Scrubs (in the early days) and there’s not nearly as much sex as Grey’s Anatomy. But the only thing pretty much keeping me in college is my desire to learn and working my way towards becoming the smartest man in the universe. It’s an impossible goal I know but as is my new motto, “God damn it I’m going to try.”

I’m done talking about school. School plays very little in my pseudo-depression other than it takes up my time when I could be doing other things I’d rather be doing that would make me happier, such as actually working on a comic routine so I could finally go to an open mic, get too nervous, piss my pants, and then take back alleys all the way home, but hey I least it’d be more than I’m doing now, and it’s all about taking steps. Some classes I don’t mind as much. I like learning a lot so while studying for my history tests is very stressful I’m learning stuff that’s somewhat interesting so I don’t feel like it’s a waste of time. While math will play no fucking role in my life but somehow it’s become the most time consuming fucking school work this term. It fucking pisses me off (I personally love how you said you were done talking about school yet it appears that you’re still talking about school). I’m not going to quit school, no matter how much I think it could help. I think school is good for me and I think school is bad for me but frankly I don’t have much choice at the moment. I can pass my writing class this term and I’m pretty more than sure I can pass my History class and I did better than I thought on my math test so I might be able to pull out a C in that class. So if I can do that, then cry my way through spring break, and then somehow make it through spring term, I feel like summer could be refreshing, of course mixed in with a dose of depression, but good enough to get my mind in a better place.

I need more friends. This is by all means at least only a minor disrespect to the friends I currently have. I’m kidding, I mean no disrespect to them at all, but that of course doesn’t mean there won’t be no disrespect deeply seeded in what I’m about to say. Chris, David, Quy, Ha and what the hell even Thai Son, fuck you all! That’s a joke for Christ’s sake. God you guys can’t take a joke. The joke is that I said there might be some deeply seeded disrespect in what I was about to say and then I blatantly said ‘fuck you’ which is very bluntly disrespectful. Okay, now that you guys get the joke let’s get to the deeply seeded disrespect. I like my friends very much, I’d only trade them for a very few things in this world, one of the things would be better friends, but don’t hold that against them. They’re a busy bunch. They of course have their own struggles, and I’m not going to waste time and make jokes about David having a coke issue, or Chris accidentally impregnating two girls both of whom he loves dearly, or Quy having gender issues, and I won’t joke about those things because there is absolutely no comedy in those things, they’re very true and serious. I’m kidding of course. I’m trying to be serious though. They have school and Chris has women, yes I said women as in multiple woman, and they’re dealing with their own demons so we can’t hang out nearly as much as I would like to. Anyway the point that I’m taking way too long to make is that I don’t do anything at all. Aside from school, and the library and Walgreens for the occasional snack, I’ve only been out of the house once so far this year. The majority of my socializing comes from browsing internet chatrooms and watching people argue about the smallest of things – no not my penis – while the guys are hitting on every supposed girl apparently with the aspirations of having sex with a girl thousands of miles away from them while the girls call them perverts but then apparently I’ve come to find out that they’re just as horny as all the guys. Everybody is horny! What the fuck is going on in this world? Everywhere I go, whether it be in the real world or on the internet, everybody is horny, but the thing that bugs me is everyone is trying to hide it. Would everybody just bone each other already so I can be the only virgin left and die happily, and by happily I mean depressed and alone. And no don’t go reading into this thinking part of my being depressed is rooted in being a virgin, because that’s a lie, a lie I tell you! Part of my being depressed is not being able to be with the person I want to be with hence not being able to have sex with her so every God damn time I hear people talk about sex it just reminds me about me not being able to have sex with her which just reminds me that I’m not able to be with her with depresses me severely so I figure if everyone was out having sex and nowhere near me talking about it I’d be able to get some fucking sleep at night. I’ve been sleeping terribly as of late!

I’m writing this for multiple reasons. I woke up like shit today and I didn’t want to feel like shit the whole day because it’d be great, fan-fucking-tastic, if I could get some work done, any-fucking-thing done, and writing puts me in a better mood, albeit it may seem like an angry mood, but what’s better being angry or being depressed? The answer doesn’t matter, no matter what I’m still going to be somewhat depressed, it’s just a matter of if I can live with it or if I’m going to lie in my bed all damn day thinking ‘woe is me’. One of the main reasons of my New Years resolution of posting a blog everyday – which I failed, oh the sweet comfort of failure more soothing than any security blanket ever could be – was that writing makes me feel better, so I figured if I did it every day at least I’d feel somewhat okay during the point of the day when I was writing. And you know what, it actually worked in that aspect. Writing keeps me from going insane. The only problem was that I was writing so much crap, and I don’t mean ‘so much crap’ as in I was writing a lot, I mean it as in everything I was writing was crap, it was having a negative effect on my self-esteem. I take pride in few things, hell by the way I write about myself to you it must seem like I take pride in nothing, but I do take pride in a select few things. I played sports my entire life and I was never good and I didn’t care too much. I cared about trying and for the most part I tried hard. But what I really take pride in is being funny, or at least trying, and being interesting. My writing was neither funny nor interesting but rather a pile of crap with a slight negative effect on this world and an even bigger negative effect on me. I had to stop churning out shit every day otherwise I would have gave up all hope on ever doing what I want to do, which some people may think is a good thing because that way maybe I could be more practical and actually work towards doing something I could actually do. But what I’ve tried to explain but I think failed at was that part of the reason I want to do what I want to do is because it makes me happy. But also I want to do it because it’s the only thing that I have even a tiny semblance of motivation towards. So while it seems like it would be a lot more likely if I just decided to become an accountant or somesuch, in my brain it doesn’t work that way. I can barely do things I have motivation towards. I can’t do something if I have no motivation towards it no matter how practical it may seem. And for God’s damn sake I have one life, one fucking life and then I’m dead forever and ever and nothing I ever did will matter to me because I’ll be dead and completely void of all self-introspect. I’m young, far too young to know anything, but old enough to start realizing a few things, mostly about myself which is nice because I’ve been trying to hide myself from me for most of my life, but I’m starting to get me. I’ve spent at least 90% of my life not trying. And that may be generous to myself because I’m trying to think of all the times I’ve really tried in my life and I can’t really think of much. But when I think of all the times I haven’t tried my brain malfunctions. Too much information, can’t compute it all at once. I’m sick and fucking tired of not trying.

So here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s what I’m going to try and do. I’m going to finish writing this. Then I’m going to buy a really cheap DVD player online. And then I might buy a John Swartzwelder book, and actually I’ll probably buy Craig Ferguson’s autobiography. Then I’m going to come back and read through this half heartedly looking for spelling mistakes, I’m sure I’ll miss a few, but mostly I’ll be trying to make sure it makes some sort of sense, and if it doesn’t I probably won’t care. Then I’m going to post this. Partly because I want everybody to read this and have pity on my soul (that’s only partly a joke), but mostly because I’m going to go ahead and label this Response # 3 to David, because I was going to respond to him about my depression but I think this covers some of it. Then I’m going to read that Simpsons book and probably finish it by today before Lost starts. I’ll watch Lost and afterwards I’ll start working on a comedy routine, or I might bust out the guitar and start working on something I’ll trying to do with that but probably won’t finish in time and it probably won’t matter either way. Then I’m going to sleep while watching something so it keeps my mind off all those terrible thoughts. I’m going to wake up tomorrow. I probably won’t work out but I might because it’s supposed to be good for the brain and also it motivates me to shower everyday which I admittedly don’t do. Then I’m going to try and do some math homework, but not all at once. I’m going to go back and forth between doing math homework and whatever the fuck else I’m working on, hopefully a comedy routine so I can someday at least attempt stand-up. Then I’m going to study for my History test. Then I’m going to sleep while watching something to keep my mind off all those terrible thoughts. Then I’m going to wake up and study a little more and go to school all day and come home and do some things.

Tangent: I just got a call from apparently a DirectTV salesrep and they always call my phone and I pick up and it’s always in Spanish so I just hang up but they called today and I’m not happy today so I picked up and they said their little speech in Spanish and I said, ‘do you speak English?’ and the guy resaid his little speech but in English and so I then immediately said, ‘Stop fucking calling me and take my God damn number off the fucking phone list right now.’ And you know what, the guy was really nice about everything. He took my number off the list, at least so he says, and he apologized for the inconvenience and I felt really bad so I apologized and told him I was having a bad week and he said it was fine and I don’t know why I’m writing about it right now but I am. But anyway…

And I’ll go to school when I have to go to school and I’ll try to keep up with my homework and I’ll spend my free days working on comedy and I’ll watch DVDs all day to distract me from thoughts and I’ll sleep when I get really tired to the point where I can’t stay up any longer that way I spend as little time as possible trying to get to sleep and I’ll just try hard not to be sad and I’ll do the school thing and I’ll work towards the comedy thing and I probably won’t really ever be happy for at least a little while but I’m going to try and get those things that make me happy. And you know what, there’s a good chance, a real fucking great chance I’ll never get any of those things that will make me happy, but God damn it I’m going to try.

Response to David part 2

Continued….

David: “That’s why when Quy keeps telling me that Quentin is depress I tell him that he’s just joking. Even though a little part of me thinks that is true, I was mostly lying to him every time he brought it up. I didn’t want to bring it up and at the same time I didn’t want Quy to bring it up as well. If both of us acknowledge it and then we didn’t bring it up to the group, what was the point in talking about it? Just to talk behind his back?”

Quy has already responded to David on this and I think I agreed with some of what he had to say. The point of bringing my may or may not being depressed up amongst their selves is not just to talk behind my back and be like, “haha Quentin’s depressed and he’s always making fun of his genitals, he’s such a loser,” at least that’s what I imagine my friends would have to say about it behind my back. The point is so they could consult seriously whether I was depressed or not and if I was whether it was serious enough to intervene, with interventions and such, and just throwing it out there, if I ever do have a intervention thrown for me I would hope there would be chips with dip and some soda pop, and possibly a sporting event to watch on the telly – hint hint. But really, come on David, we talk about everything behind everybody’s back, of course not in a mean spirited way, we do it just to discuss how to handle things. If we had a friend who was in a relationship with another one of our friend’s little sister we’d discuss that – hypothetical situation of course. And if we had a friend who said he was in Japan but we weren’t too sure how honest he tends to be we’d discuss that as well – hypothetical situation again. And if we had a gay friend I’m sure we’d discuss how to handle that behind his back as well, of course in that situation behind him takes up a whole other meaning – hypothetical situation again but if we did have a gay friend I’m sure he’d find the last part of that sentence quite offensive. And if we had a friend who was a coke head and was a kleptomaniac and pedophile I’m sure we’d discuss that as well – and we do because that’s not a hypothetical situation. Anyway I’m with Quy on this one in saying that talking about it behind my back is absolutely fine when trying to figure out if something needs to be done. And let’s all not try and be holier than thou, we all talk about each other behind our backs but we don’t do it mockingly (except with Thai Son) – assuming there is a Thai Son – we do it so we all know each other’s feeling about the situation and it’s more honest to share our true feelings about somebody’s something when that person isn’t there. So when we all hang out together and even though you’re all thinking I’m depressed no one wants to be the first to say it because it’d be uncomfortable if you were the only one who thought it, which is why it’s better if you’d talk to each other and find out you’re all on the same page so you can all come at me at the same time and force me to confront my demons. However if Chris thought I was depressed he wouldn’t have any reservations of coming straight out and saying it. He’s not shy about saying what’s on his mind even if someone tells him five minutes earlier not to bring a certain something up.

To be continued…

Response to David part 1

As of the last couple of years my “depression” has been a topic sometimes brought up by my friends but never fully talked about – I put depression in quotations because I’m not sure if it really is a depression or not, I mean I’m depressed at times but I don’t know if I’m really clinically depressed, but more on that later perhaps. As of late my depression has been a topic often brought up and almost thoroughly dissected by my friends. I’m not sure why, but it might have something to do with the last week being quite depressing for me therefore leading to me hinting in my blogs that I might be depressed. My friends are quite the Sherlock Holmes and managed to read my blogs and put the words “I’m” and “depressed” together to form “I’m depressed” to which they came to the conclusion that I must either be depressed or accidentally wrote depressed instead of masturbating again. Anyway a few days ago I wrote about David and Quy may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year, possibly to the point where they needed to intervene, and this led them to leave comments on my blog – because we don’t see each other in person very much anymore which is quite depressing, but not severely – in which they both clarified their true feeling about may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year. I found David’s latest comment interesting and there are some things I would like to respond to and so I will, now.

David: “Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions. I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like? I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor. I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

Let’s break this down:

“Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions.”

I went back and looked at my older blogs from before I posted on WordPress – okay I really didn’t but it sounds like I’m more prepared if I say I did. I remember that crap and it was the same crap I write now and just like the crap I write now it’s a bit misleading. Everybody gets really depressed for at least a few hours every once in a while, I think we can consider that normal. Many of my depressing blogs were written when I was having a depressed day. It wasn’t that I was constantly depressed everyday (except for a select timeframe: Mid December 08 and Late January 09) it was that I was depressed for a day or a few hours and that’s when I would write the blog and post it leading to Quy rightfully thinking I was more depressed than I really was, because if I’m posting a blog every couple of weeks about me being depressed it’s only right for him to assume I’m usually depressed, when the fact of the matter is that I go through ups and downs. And on wordpress it’s pretty much the same thing. A few depressing blogs every once in a while and then some blogs that are a failed attempt at humor, which if you think about it are much more depressing than the actual ones where I write about being depressed. So Quy has been reading about me being depressed longer than David has but I think it’s been a bit misleading, and let’s not forget that I’m a writer (not a real one of course) so I tend to exaggerate for my audience (apparently just Quy) to make things more exciting, and seem more important than they are. But I don’t blame myself nor do I think I’m a liar because in the moment that I write about being depressed and I write something to the effect of “I just want to sleep for the rest of the year and wake up refreshed with a clean slate of a memory” it’s not necessarily the truth (of course) but in that moment it’s how I feel. Let’s not forget that in moments of extreme emotion, whether happy or sad, we tend to exaggerate our feelings. It takes a while to sit back and think about something, or even not think about but just get some time away from it emotionally, to realize things aren’t as big as you’re making them out to be. Like when things didn’t work out with Angela and she wasn’t calling me back things seemed bad, although I never got too depressed, but as short as a couple weeks after finding out she called me ‘creepy’ I was almost completely over her. I only brought the situation with her up because last night I had a dream where her and Shane, who basically introduced me to her, were together as a couple, which is extremely odd because they did not get along so well. I didn’t know her long but I came to find out she’s very emotional and Shane doesn’t do so well with emotional people, which makes it all the more surprising that me and him have remained friends for so long, although we haven’t talked almost at all the past year

“I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like?”

When I read that I laughed possibly the hardest I have laughed in this entire twelfth of a year. First of all I would like to thank David for the compliment. No, hold on, it seems like he’s putting me down but there’s a compliment hidden in what he said. By saying ‘is this what people like?’ he was implying that he thought people liked my writing. So naïve that David fellow is. People don’t like my writing, and I’m not sure what would give you the impression that anybody would. It’s quite confusing (I’ll second that) and I basically just repeat the same small penis and masturbation joke over and over again, but of course you caught onto that…

“I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor.”

I don’t know how long we’ve known each other David, could be a year, could be a decade, but I figured by now that you’d have figured out that my type of humor is masturbation talk, putting myself down, and depression talk. Those things aren’t mixed in with my type of humor, those things are my humor. They say talk about what you know, which is why I talk about masturbation so much of course. No, the real reason is that I’ve found when you mention masturbation people either laugh or cringe, both of which are acceptable responses and further encourage me to keep using the word in as many ways as I possibly can. I talk about being depressed so much because when I am depressed it’s what I write about and that’s because it’s one of the only things I can do to make myself feel better. I can’t hang out with my friend because they all have their schedules and anyway I’m usually most depressed at night (midnight to five AM). So writing about being depress helps get it off my chest and it helps me feel better and if you notice I barely ever write any thing without some semblance of trying to be humorous in it, which is why I write when I’m feeling depressed because writing naturally makes me try and be funny which gets me in a better mood or at least distracts me from my shitty mood. For the putting myself down humor that comes from so many different angles I could write a whole freaking blog and possibly book on it, and I am so make sure and preorder it on Amazon come fall, you can read it on your Kindle if you’d like, but not the ipad, I’m anti-apple, both the company and the fruit – either I’m fucked up or society fucked me up, but now whenever I think or hear the word fruit homosexual comes to mind first. But anyway I’m running short on blog ideas, and really ideas in general, so I’m going to save writing about why I use self-deprecation for a future blog.

“I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

I think I remember you (David) suggesting a thing or two, but I’m not sure why I didn’t heed your suggestion and instead decided to go with my usual dick and fart jokes. Wait, I might have a clue. I think it mostly has to do with laziness. When I write stuff that is actually about something, such as my post about the fuckers who passed Proposition 8 in California not allowing gay marriage to be recognized by the state, or ‘a post from the past’ which was an actual post from the past that I took from my myspace page and reposted on wordpress because it was quite possibly some of my best writing not comically speaking but rather for proving that those two C words – not cunts but cock suckers, I’d never say cunt – were not looking at all the facts and needed to delve deeper into the statistics and not just assume everyone is a racist because – and I didn’t mention this in the actual blog – there are real racists out in the world so lets stop focusing on people who appear to be racist, and not really racist but rather appear to be barely semi-racist, and instead let’s focus on the real racists out there and real racial injustices rather than talking about how there is such a higher percentage of whites on TV than there are blacks but forgetting to point out that even though there is a much smaller percentage of blacks on TV it’s still larger than the percentage they occupy in the United States, while Hispanics on the other hand make up a larger percentage than the blacks do in the United States but a way, way less percentage on TV than even the blacks do, but that wasn’t pointed out in the article by those two C words Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson – again C word refers to cock sucker not cunt, which I refuse to say – so while they’re saying race shouldn’t be an issue while casting people for TV shows they’re being huge fucking hypocrites because for one they’re making race a issue by saying more blacks need to be on TV when blacks already represent a larger percentage of TV characters than they do US population so it doesn’t seem like a big issue, and two they’re making race an issue because they’re choosing to talk about blacks not being on TV enough when Hispanics are on TV way less than blacks, so it appears they’re being racist and saying blacks not appearing on TV enough is more important than Hispanics who appear on TV even less than blacks. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t know Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson but they are hack writers. They get paid to write. That’s a fucking honor as far as I’m concerned. If they want to write about racial injustice on TV that’s great, they write for a TV magazine so it makes sense. But it doesn’t make any fucking sense for them to write about blacks not being on TV enough when another race is on TV even less than the blacks. Their article wasn’t about races not getting their proper spotlight on TV. It was about blacks not getting their proper spotlight on TV. That’s fucking bullshit. You can’t write an article about the TV industry being racist and then not make mention that you the writer are being racist yourself by fighting for a certain race even though there’s another race that is getting shafted more than the race you’re fighting for. It’s amateur, fucking amateur. I can get away with it. I’m a fucking 22 year old going to community college and living at home I can write about whatever the fuck I want and make all the terrible points in the fucking world because no one reads this shit. You, Jennifer Armstrong, and you, Margeaux Watson, are fucking embarrassments because you get paid to write, and you write for a magazine that has lots of readers, and you fight for a pseudo-injustice when they’re a bigger fucking injustice right in front of your fucking noses. Anyway the point I was getting at is usually when I write more in depth things like ‘a post from the past’ I write it a day or two in advance, whereas lately I’ve been writing most of my blogs an hour or two before I post them because I’ve been on a bad schedule and have to write them that quickly in order to abide with my ‘post a blog everyday’ resolution. And that means I go to my bread and butter with writing, which appears to be talking about depression, self-deprecation, and masturbation jokes. Quite the rage with the kids these days.

To be continued….