A little writing and a few links

I just got back from the store (and why are you blogging about it?) well let me get to the point will you (let’s be honest, we both know there will be no point) there will, it just doesn’t necessarily have anything at all to do with me going to the store (well do us all a favor and make this quick) everything I do is ; ) Is that a winkie face? (I have no idea). So I went to the store because I needed chips. Not wanted, but needed chips. I’m not like you humans where I want things I don’t need. If I want something it’s because I’ve been engineered to need it. Hence my 2 o’clock craving for chips meant I needed chips immediately or else the likelihood of me dying would be increased to nothing from slightly less than nothing. But more importantly I would bitch all day because I didn’t have chips. So I went to the store to buy the chips I so desperately needed.

When I got to the store and grabbed the chips and went to the counter, with coupon in hand, I watched as the multiple cardboard cylinders of chips got rang up – cardboard cylinder container for chips should be a dead giveaway that I bought Pringles, which by no means is my favorite but they’re cheaper and I had a coupon for them. So after the lady rang up the chips the price seemed to be adequate and perfectly acceptable to me, but the pregnant lady saw the coupon in my hand and asked me for it. So as any normal person would do I handed her the coupon so she could make sure I was getting the right price for the chips. Wait, no I didn’t. I protested that the chips were already rung up correctly and the coupon had already been accounted for. I thought this because at Walgreens – which is where I happened to be because of its convenient location next to my household and my inability to drive a car which meant I had to walk everywhere – they usually have it so when items are rung up the coupons in their little coupon paper are already accounted for, but the pregnant lady wasn’t so certain.

So the pregnant lady rudely demanded that I give her the coupon by saying, “I just want to make sure you’re getting a good deal.” So in the spirit of Gandhi I spit on the coupon, rubbed it on my bare ass and then handed it to the lady (if that were true, which it most certainly is not, why would you spit on the coupon before rubbing it on your ass?) Because the spit will help make my ass stench stick to the coupon. But really I just handed her the coupon and looked away to avoid making eye contact when she would punch it in the computer and realized it had already been automatically accounted for and her face would turn rampant with embarrassment, much like when Ashley Simpson got caught lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live, but this time the embarrassment couldn’t be covered with a funky looking jig type dance, and no apology would be able to rid the pregnant lady of the shame that would assuredly be entrenched in her genetics and passed on to her child and forever be synonymous with the future family heritage.

“You saved 54 cents,” the pregnant lady said smugly after entering in the coupon. If she wasn’t pregnant I swear to God I would have slapped that bitch back to China. That’s not racist because she wasn’t Chinese. She was some other kind of Asian (that would arguably be more racist if it were true) okay she was white. I was just under the impression that slapping someone back to China was an expression that could be applied to anyone free of racism.

I really said, “you win,” and then I didn’t say, but I wish I had said, “I’ve now been embarrassed at Walgreens, Fred Mayer, Wal-Mart and Costco. Safeway here I come!” After things happen I always replay them in my head and think of all the better things I could have said. Anyway the point of this story is that I have a couple new podcasts up at my website and I just wanted to let you know but I would have felt guilty if I just posted a link to the podcasts without actually writing something (you’ve wasted everybody’s time) but most importantly I’ve wasted mine.

This is a link to a podcast of me talking to my Canadian friend from most likely Canada about Canada and the Olympics being held in Canada and a few other things. It’s quite okay, but don’t take my word for it, I have a direct quote about it from someone who you’ve never even heard of: Chris said, “I actually found the podcast with Andreanne to be compelling. As someone who listens to a lot of podcasts, that was the first one of yours that sounded like a regular podcast.” So see, this Chris guy I may or may not have made up seemed to enjoy it, so maybe you will too, but probably not.

http://blog.closertoclarity.com/2010/02/24/closer-to-clarity–ep5–andreane-gets-interviewed.aspx

This is a link to a podcast of me and David talking about deadly foods and I also make mention of a weird dream I had merely hours before recording the crappy, I mean wonderful podcast episode.

http://blog.closertoclarity.com/2010/02/27/closer-to-clarity-ep6-deadly-foods.aspx

And this is a link to a podcast done by Quy and David where they talk about anime. I listened to it and I didn’t fall asleep. Okay so right now I’ve only listened to half of it and I listened to that half while I was watching college basketball but I’m going to listen to the second half at some point and if you like anime then at least give it a try or at least leave them a comment telling them you liked it even though you didn’t even listen to it. Pity them please. But first pity me!

http://animeniacs.wordpress.com/

me talking two

Response to David part 2

Continued….

David: “That’s why when Quy keeps telling me that Quentin is depress I tell him that he’s just joking. Even though a little part of me thinks that is true, I was mostly lying to him every time he brought it up. I didn’t want to bring it up and at the same time I didn’t want Quy to bring it up as well. If both of us acknowledge it and then we didn’t bring it up to the group, what was the point in talking about it? Just to talk behind his back?”

Quy has already responded to David on this and I think I agreed with some of what he had to say. The point of bringing my may or may not being depressed up amongst their selves is not just to talk behind my back and be like, “haha Quentin’s depressed and he’s always making fun of his genitals, he’s such a loser,” at least that’s what I imagine my friends would have to say about it behind my back. The point is so they could consult seriously whether I was depressed or not and if I was whether it was serious enough to intervene, with interventions and such, and just throwing it out there, if I ever do have a intervention thrown for me I would hope there would be chips with dip and some soda pop, and possibly a sporting event to watch on the telly – hint hint. But really, come on David, we talk about everything behind everybody’s back, of course not in a mean spirited way, we do it just to discuss how to handle things. If we had a friend who was in a relationship with another one of our friend’s little sister we’d discuss that – hypothetical situation of course. And if we had a friend who said he was in Japan but we weren’t too sure how honest he tends to be we’d discuss that as well – hypothetical situation again. And if we had a gay friend I’m sure we’d discuss how to handle that behind his back as well, of course in that situation behind him takes up a whole other meaning – hypothetical situation again but if we did have a gay friend I’m sure he’d find the last part of that sentence quite offensive. And if we had a friend who was a coke head and was a kleptomaniac and pedophile I’m sure we’d discuss that as well – and we do because that’s not a hypothetical situation. Anyway I’m with Quy on this one in saying that talking about it behind my back is absolutely fine when trying to figure out if something needs to be done. And let’s all not try and be holier than thou, we all talk about each other behind our backs but we don’t do it mockingly (except with Thai Son) – assuming there is a Thai Son – we do it so we all know each other’s feeling about the situation and it’s more honest to share our true feelings about somebody’s something when that person isn’t there. So when we all hang out together and even though you’re all thinking I’m depressed no one wants to be the first to say it because it’d be uncomfortable if you were the only one who thought it, which is why it’s better if you’d talk to each other and find out you’re all on the same page so you can all come at me at the same time and force me to confront my demons. However if Chris thought I was depressed he wouldn’t have any reservations of coming straight out and saying it. He’s not shy about saying what’s on his mind even if someone tells him five minutes earlier not to bring a certain something up.

To be continued…

Response to David part 1

As of the last couple of years my “depression” has been a topic sometimes brought up by my friends but never fully talked about – I put depression in quotations because I’m not sure if it really is a depression or not, I mean I’m depressed at times but I don’t know if I’m really clinically depressed, but more on that later perhaps. As of late my depression has been a topic often brought up and almost thoroughly dissected by my friends. I’m not sure why, but it might have something to do with the last week being quite depressing for me therefore leading to me hinting in my blogs that I might be depressed. My friends are quite the Sherlock Holmes and managed to read my blogs and put the words “I’m” and “depressed” together to form “I’m depressed” to which they came to the conclusion that I must either be depressed or accidentally wrote depressed instead of masturbating again. Anyway a few days ago I wrote about David and Quy may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year, possibly to the point where they needed to intervene, and this led them to leave comments on my blog – because we don’t see each other in person very much anymore which is quite depressing, but not severely – in which they both clarified their true feeling about may or may not thinking I was severely depressed last year. I found David’s latest comment interesting and there are some things I would like to respond to and so I will, now.

David: “Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions. I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like? I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor. I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

Let’s break this down:

“Quy probably had a better understanding of this since he read your blogs a long time ago, but now that I have read these blogs it just re-enforce my suspicions.”

I went back and looked at my older blogs from before I posted on WordPress – okay I really didn’t but it sounds like I’m more prepared if I say I did. I remember that crap and it was the same crap I write now and just like the crap I write now it’s a bit misleading. Everybody gets really depressed for at least a few hours every once in a while, I think we can consider that normal. Many of my depressing blogs were written when I was having a depressed day. It wasn’t that I was constantly depressed everyday (except for a select timeframe: Mid December 08 and Late January 09) it was that I was depressed for a day or a few hours and that’s when I would write the blog and post it leading to Quy rightfully thinking I was more depressed than I really was, because if I’m posting a blog every couple of weeks about me being depressed it’s only right for him to assume I’m usually depressed, when the fact of the matter is that I go through ups and downs. And on wordpress it’s pretty much the same thing. A few depressing blogs every once in a while and then some blogs that are a failed attempt at humor, which if you think about it are much more depressing than the actual ones where I write about being depressed. So Quy has been reading about me being depressed longer than David has but I think it’s been a bit misleading, and let’s not forget that I’m a writer (not a real one of course) so I tend to exaggerate for my audience (apparently just Quy) to make things more exciting, and seem more important than they are. But I don’t blame myself nor do I think I’m a liar because in the moment that I write about being depressed and I write something to the effect of “I just want to sleep for the rest of the year and wake up refreshed with a clean slate of a memory” it’s not necessarily the truth (of course) but in that moment it’s how I feel. Let’s not forget that in moments of extreme emotion, whether happy or sad, we tend to exaggerate our feelings. It takes a while to sit back and think about something, or even not think about but just get some time away from it emotionally, to realize things aren’t as big as you’re making them out to be. Like when things didn’t work out with Angela and she wasn’t calling me back things seemed bad, although I never got too depressed, but as short as a couple weeks after finding out she called me ‘creepy’ I was almost completely over her. I only brought the situation with her up because last night I had a dream where her and Shane, who basically introduced me to her, were together as a couple, which is extremely odd because they did not get along so well. I didn’t know her long but I came to find out she’s very emotional and Shane doesn’t do so well with emotional people, which makes it all the more surprising that me and him have remained friends for so long, although we haven’t talked almost at all the past year

“I remember when I first read a couple of blogs on here. I was so confuse. I thought; is this what people like?”

When I read that I laughed possibly the hardest I have laughed in this entire twelfth of a year. First of all I would like to thank David for the compliment. No, hold on, it seems like he’s putting me down but there’s a compliment hidden in what he said. By saying ‘is this what people like?’ he was implying that he thought people liked my writing. So naïve that David fellow is. People don’t like my writing, and I’m not sure what would give you the impression that anybody would. It’s quite confusing (I’ll second that) and I basically just repeat the same small penis and masturbation joke over and over again, but of course you caught onto that…

“I rarely read blogs so I can’t really judge, but as I read more blogs I was getting tire of it. It was just more depression talk, more masturbation talk, and more putting yourself down talk mix in with your type of humor.”

I don’t know how long we’ve known each other David, could be a year, could be a decade, but I figured by now that you’d have figured out that my type of humor is masturbation talk, putting myself down, and depression talk. Those things aren’t mixed in with my type of humor, those things are my humor. They say talk about what you know, which is why I talk about masturbation so much of course. No, the real reason is that I’ve found when you mention masturbation people either laugh or cringe, both of which are acceptable responses and further encourage me to keep using the word in as many ways as I possibly can. I talk about being depressed so much because when I am depressed it’s what I write about and that’s because it’s one of the only things I can do to make myself feel better. I can’t hang out with my friend because they all have their schedules and anyway I’m usually most depressed at night (midnight to five AM). So writing about being depress helps get it off my chest and it helps me feel better and if you notice I barely ever write any thing without some semblance of trying to be humorous in it, which is why I write when I’m feeling depressed because writing naturally makes me try and be funny which gets me in a better mood or at least distracts me from my shitty mood. For the putting myself down humor that comes from so many different angles I could write a whole freaking blog and possibly book on it, and I am so make sure and preorder it on Amazon come fall, you can read it on your Kindle if you’d like, but not the ipad, I’m anti-apple, both the company and the fruit – either I’m fucked up or society fucked me up, but now whenever I think or hear the word fruit homosexual comes to mind first. But anyway I’m running short on blog ideas, and really ideas in general, so I’m going to save writing about why I use self-deprecation for a future blog.

“I think it was then that I started suggesting things so you could change it up a bit(I don’t remember if I actually wrote it as a comment), but you still kept going with the same old stuff. The ones I really like are the ones where you give your thoughts on things, like the ‘post from the past.’”

I think I remember you (David) suggesting a thing or two, but I’m not sure why I didn’t heed your suggestion and instead decided to go with my usual dick and fart jokes. Wait, I might have a clue. I think it mostly has to do with laziness. When I write stuff that is actually about something, such as my post about the fuckers who passed Proposition 8 in California not allowing gay marriage to be recognized by the state, or ‘a post from the past’ which was an actual post from the past that I took from my myspace page and reposted on wordpress because it was quite possibly some of my best writing not comically speaking but rather for proving that those two C words – not cunts but cock suckers, I’d never say cunt – were not looking at all the facts and needed to delve deeper into the statistics and not just assume everyone is a racist because – and I didn’t mention this in the actual blog – there are real racists out in the world so lets stop focusing on people who appear to be racist, and not really racist but rather appear to be barely semi-racist, and instead let’s focus on the real racists out there and real racial injustices rather than talking about how there is such a higher percentage of whites on TV than there are blacks but forgetting to point out that even though there is a much smaller percentage of blacks on TV it’s still larger than the percentage they occupy in the United States, while Hispanics on the other hand make up a larger percentage than the blacks do in the United States but a way, way less percentage on TV than even the blacks do, but that wasn’t pointed out in the article by those two C words Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson – again C word refers to cock sucker not cunt, which I refuse to say – so while they’re saying race shouldn’t be an issue while casting people for TV shows they’re being huge fucking hypocrites because for one they’re making race a issue by saying more blacks need to be on TV when blacks already represent a larger percentage of TV characters than they do US population so it doesn’t seem like a big issue, and two they’re making race an issue because they’re choosing to talk about blacks not being on TV enough when Hispanics are on TV way less than blacks, so it appears they’re being racist and saying blacks not appearing on TV enough is more important than Hispanics who appear on TV even less than blacks. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t know Jennifer Armstrong and Margeaux Watson but they are hack writers. They get paid to write. That’s a fucking honor as far as I’m concerned. If they want to write about racial injustice on TV that’s great, they write for a TV magazine so it makes sense. But it doesn’t make any fucking sense for them to write about blacks not being on TV enough when another race is on TV even less than the blacks. Their article wasn’t about races not getting their proper spotlight on TV. It was about blacks not getting their proper spotlight on TV. That’s fucking bullshit. You can’t write an article about the TV industry being racist and then not make mention that you the writer are being racist yourself by fighting for a certain race even though there’s another race that is getting shafted more than the race you’re fighting for. It’s amateur, fucking amateur. I can get away with it. I’m a fucking 22 year old going to community college and living at home I can write about whatever the fuck I want and make all the terrible points in the fucking world because no one reads this shit. You, Jennifer Armstrong, and you, Margeaux Watson, are fucking embarrassments because you get paid to write, and you write for a magazine that has lots of readers, and you fight for a pseudo-injustice when they’re a bigger fucking injustice right in front of your fucking noses. Anyway the point I was getting at is usually when I write more in depth things like ‘a post from the past’ I write it a day or two in advance, whereas lately I’ve been writing most of my blogs an hour or two before I post them because I’ve been on a bad schedule and have to write them that quickly in order to abide with my ‘post a blog everyday’ resolution. And that means I go to my bread and butter with writing, which appears to be talking about depression, self-deprecation, and masturbation jokes. Quite the rage with the kids these days.

To be continued….